Quick toileting question!

[DietcokeGirl]

Just to put into context....! DS1 (3.9 ASC) initiated toilet training by spontaneously going to sit on toilet at home and nursery. He now goes to toilet, often voluntarily, after he has done a wee/soiled his nappy. We empty content of nappy into toilet then he sits on toilet for a while, flushes, washes hands etc. That is going fine. We have not been pushing it as thought would take a relaxed approach for a while given that he is happy to do it. We went on holiday last week and happy to sit on toilet there too. Good sign we think.

He has just been sat on toilet then he ran off and put his trousers on. He keeps doing this. I think he may be getting to stage where he doesn't want a nappy on. I can't find the pants I bought the other week (grrrr.).

So, shall I just leave him and see what happens? Maybe if he wees in trousers he will realise what happens when he hasn't got a nappy on?

Any advice appreciated!!

oh flip, just turned round after finishing typing this thread and he was sat on floor with no trousers on. Took him to toilet and nothing happened. Came back into room and realised trousers and socks wet through!

With DS2, we put him in pants (unless we were going somewhere, then we used pullups, so not so much pressure on him or us) at home and encouraged lots of water drinking and lots of trips to the toilet. We were basically hoping to catch him weeing in the toilet the first few days. Any time he actually did wee in the toilet, he got lots of praise from us. If he had an accident, we just said "that's okay, next time we'll try in the toilet" or similar and didn't make a fuss over it. It was gradual, but he responded pretty well.

Triggles, did using pull ups when you were out cause any extra problems with your ds getting the hang of it?

I'm wanting to try pants free over the easter holidays but we do have some trips out planned and I don't want to get ds all muddled iyswim, but can't really cope with 12yo sized wees all over the car or public places.

he tells us after the event and is toilet "conditioned"to a certain degree(ie will use a loo first thing, at school care time etc) but still wets and dirties in between times.

starfishmummy Nope. Didn't seem to cause any confusion. We still took him to the toilet regularly when we were out, just had pullups on him instead of pants in case of any accidents. But we treated it just like he had pants on - using the toilet right before we left, and at regular intervals while we were out. I think if we had just put the pullups on while out and NOT used the toilet regularly it may have caused some confusion, but once he was doing better about weeing in the toilet at home, we noticed that even though he was wearing pullups when we went out somewhere, he was staying dry for the most part and using the toilet regularly then as well. That's when we switched over to using pants when we were out as well.

So do you think I should put him in pants when we are at home and see what happens?

dietcokegirl entirely up to you. We obviously don't know your son, only you know him. I can only say what worked best for our DS. I know that sounds vague, sorry. If you try it and it doesn't work, you're no worse off than you are now. I hope it gets easier, I know toilet training can be such a struggle.... it sometimes seems like one step forward and two steps back. Best of luck!

We were advised by the enuresis clinic to keep DS in pants when we had started. Pull-ups keep them so dry that they 'forget' if there's been an accident as they still feel dry.
But i agree that it has to suit your lifestyle. The other advice being that a stressed/frustrated or momentarily angry mum would not be a good plan. This led DH to believe that it was none of his business and it was all down to me!
Let us know how you get on. All of us that are going to give it a go over Easter hols can compare strategies DS3 will be trying pants (thomas - of course) tomorrow. I'm hoping we can crack it - as his older brother (nearly 6) is still not fully done

My DS 6.9 has only this school year been dry almost all the time during the school day, but still odd accidents at home. We used to put him in pull-ups when in the car or out and about - where we knew we wouldn't get to a toilet quickly.
He doesn't recognise when he needs to go and has a lot of sensory issues, so school were brilliant. Getting him into a routine etc and reminding/telling him to go to the toilet. We've been under incontinence nurse for just over a year and had to go through the drink increase thing.
Once DS had his Dx, IN said she wasn't as worried about him as it was common with ASD. She was also supportive and said it comes with time as majority of ASD DC have sensory issues, or just behind on development.
We have free pull-ups for the evening (bedtime) and haven't used any during the day for at least a year, but - it didn't make a blind bit of difference with them on or off!
Just do what you think is best and adapt it as you go along :)

Thanks for your replies.
I did get some pull-ups but I was thinking the same as you auntevil that they still feel dry so should I just go for pants! I did an earlybird course recently and somebody just went for the pants and it worked (I am not saying it will work for everyone!).
Yep, I imagine I am going to be doing this one on my own! It is a bit tricky as DS1 at nursery three days a week but will just have to work round it. At least he has 5 days in a row at home over Easter so will give it a whirl.

I had better get some thomas pants and cheap tracksuit bottoms!!

Looking foward, or maybe not, to comparing notes!!

CinnamonPretzel can you expand on the sensory issues and toileting for me. I am still trying to get my head round sensory issues and DS1. I am sure sensory issues are a cause of some of his difficulties but not totally obvious iykwim.

DS has issues with sound - crowded rooms/restaurants where noise bounces of the walls. He crawls into our laps or butts his head and starts to get really agitated. It was quite bad on holiday, when a baby started to cry and the table behind us was talking and laughing quite loud. I had to take him for a break.

He's always been very touchy feely with his feet in your back and hands down your top at night. He'd get into our bed and would have his feet in DHs back and hands almost down my top... when he was younger :) now he just cuddles up close. Same with school, he needs that contact and leans on peers or needs the odd hug from staff.

He can't regulate his body temperature properly and heat really affects him. Like today - it's been about 18c and he had to lay down after break because he stared to overload. His teacher ice-packed him, but when it's consistent summer - eventually he'll meltdown and callapse. He did that twice last year, once taken to A&E but all okay when arrived and the other time I took him home and he slept fir two hours.

I could list a few more, but battery is very low. Would suggest you borrow or buy The Out-of-Sync Child, there us also a follow up one. Very detailed and amazing info - but hard to put anything innplace without OT as so many areas overlap; such as proprioceptive and vestibular etc

We're still on waiting list for OT - have been for about 8 mtgs and poss another 6 so have just arranged to pay :(

But linking sensory and toileting, if your DC has trouble processing information or can't feel things properly - so for example would need more pressure / touch to send signals to the brain, then they are Lilly to not notice when they need the toilet. Some DC learn their bodily routine and work from that :)
Hope that helps.

We're not at that stage with our DS but were advised that when the time comes to try pants, even if under pull-ups so that he really can feel the wet sensation and make associations. Handy for when you're out I suppose or if you have new carpet.

Yes, the pants under the pullups can work too - I have heard of people doing that with some success. The main reason I used pullups when out and about for DS2 was that toilet training is stressful enough not only for him but for me - and this helped me not be so stressed about it when we were out. Helped keep things in perspective for me, rather than me being the crazy lady ranting in public because he'd just wet through the last of the spare pants/trousers that we had brought with us. It meant I could relax just slightly, and still take him to the toilet frequently while out.

DS2 has quite a few sensory issues. He is absolutely terrified of those noisy hand dryers. He cannot tolerate them - and they are everywhere. As soon as one goes off, he panics and cannot concentrate on toileting and he is cowering with his hands over his ears, screaming. So.... we got a radar key and use the disabled toilets so that it's private - no hand dryers going off so no meltdowns. It makes such a huge difference! He gets a bit jumpy over loud toilet flushes, but it's nothing like the panic from the hand dryers.

Thanks so much for this, so helpful.

When we started going down the diagnosis route and I was doing my research I read up about Sensory Processing Disorders and could relate this to DS1. However, after diagnosis, it all became about communication, visuals, play, preparing him for change etc. I kind of put sensory issues to the back of my mind and I guess 'dismissed' them.

However, recently I have been very confused and getting a bit down trying to understand DS1. He doesn't appear to need 'preparing for change, need to know what is happening next' etc. He has always been quite flexible - doesn't need strict routine, loves going on holiday, doesn't mind using different bowls/cutlery/toilets/stopping off at supermarket etc. He has always happily gone into new play centres, swimming pools etc. Don't get me wrong, once he has had enough, he has had enough and we have to leave.

He doesn't like confined crowded places and tries to run off. If it is a large space he seems to cope with it, eg. going to a party is fine but getting him into a small room for food is a no-goer. Taking him to a friend's house is fine but then if lots of people are there he wants to go upstairs and play in a bedroom. He does the feet in the back (arggh, I have a thing about feet!). It is a complete nightmare trying to get him in bath now, cut his hair, nails, wash him. He has been poorly recently and taking his clothes off was stressful for both of us (hasn't been like this since a baby).

I am struggling to get him to nursery at the moment, no matter how much I prepare him (he simply doesn't want to go). I have noticed that if somebody says 'hello or good morning DS1' when he walks in he throws himself on floor. He comes round after a few mins and then he is fine.

Sorry, I am waffling on now. I am going to get the Out of Sync Child (to add to my collection - just got the More than Words book!).

I am going to look into getting a private OT to assess him too.