Ds needs a dummy because it helps him deal with his anxiety, but it's no good for him because he has speech delay. What's more important?

[emkana]

sALT obviously says dummy must go.

He will be five in June. There are times when he's engaged in play when he will happily give the dummy up, but when he's unhappy/anxious/ stressed he's desperate for it. He never has it at school.

What do you think?

ive just banned my son whose 6.5 years from having it in during the day, he has it for anxiety (medical/asd). he kicked off for 2 days, hes not attending school at the moment so it was a bit stressful! the dentist said his teeth are starting to push forward too much and i know he will never let anyone put a fixed brace on him, and my mum nagged,lol. When he was at school he didnt have it and he didnt take to his dads either. Now hes quite happy going without during the day but happily plugs it in at bedtime . No way would i take it away at night, i wouldnt get any sleep! x

Can you comprimise and let him have it at certain times of the day only - eg at bed time, or when doing things where he doesn't need to communicate such as tv time? You could of course use it as a bargaining tool too to encourage him to participate in the exercises for his speech...if you do them you can have the dummy afterwards. Hopefully you can very gradually cut down on it without a sudden removal of it and the stress of that and he will then become less reliant on it and find other coping mechanisms when he is stressed.

I do try and minimise dummy use but it leads to him nagging for it all the time, which is hard.

downside is my son now chews his nails and skin when hes anxious and gum rubbing with his finger is very annoying

Can you raid your local pound shop and find some bribes to have tucked away. You can then use them as bargaining tools - he can choose a new toy or the dummy when he really pushes you - or if he will co-operate with a sticker chart then he gets a sticker for a whole day without (exclude the night probably) and 3 stickers = new toy.

Unfortunately he's not that bothered by toys.

i was on a forum a few weeks ago and there was a chat going on about children with anxiety needing their dummies, some of the children were 8 and 9 years old, wish i could remember what forum it was now im fortunate that my son accepted it quite well, but he is older. I think at 5 it would have been a lot harder!

Could you pick him up from school and go somewhere for a while so you dont go home to dummy? i know thats hard because of routines and obviously cooking tea, but if youre out of the house and then try and keep him busy (stressful!!) till bed time then give it too him? If hes really bad about it, id say sod it and let him have it too be honest Youve got to look after yourself as well, and a stressed out child is draining.x

You could make a rule that he can only have the dummy on his bed. Then he can have it whenever he feels anxious but as soon as he feels calmer and gets a bit bored he'll want to get off the bed so it gets left behind.

That's a good idea thanks. What do I do when out and about - that's when he's often anxious as well. Allow dummy or not?

emanka, it's hard but you're overall aim should be to get rid of the dummy as it impedes him from interacting with the world around him and allows him to tune out, and he needs to get more practise at this than NT children, not less.

I'm not saying it will be easy, but don't get complacent. Manage it carefully but be determined.

would he accept a chewy tube. my dd aged 5 who has cp and loves to chew has one. they are great and whatever material they are made from seems indestructible. only have an irish web site sensationalkids.ie where you can view them.