Do you sometimes feel like parenthood is one big guilt trip?

[NotInTheMood]

and fraught with so many decisions and stresses that it can be over whelming. Neither of my pregnancys where easy and the result led to prem babies. And although they are fine and healthy both have speech and language problems.

My eldest is struggling badly at school and im not sure if he is getting the help he needs and so having to look into it and push for things. Im now looking into other schools as well but feel bad about moving him as he is settled. On top of that I feel guilty about my pregnancy and how this could of effected him as I had pre-eclampsia and was on tons of meds. For not pushing harder with the hv when i thought he may have speech promblems which then meant he had to wait longer to see SALT as the waiting list was high back then.

And now im having the same with ds2 who is struggling to settle into pre-school and cried his eyes out when i left this am.Its a lovely pre-school and i really did research it. Ive also just found out that theres a pre-school a 15 minute drive away which has a specialist speech and language unit run by I-CAN its fairly new so had no website but was never even mentioned to me by SALT. So im funming has SALT diagnosed him and said he was too young for therapy so left it at that until he's older if he does'nt improve. I actually talked to her about pre-schools and she said the one had chosen was very nice and friendly which is great. But if theres a specialist one why didn't they recommend it grrrrr. Now im trying to find out more and get him on the waiting list which agin means taking him out which i didn't want to do.
Im trying my best and to do the best with them but it never seems to be the right decision.

Yes, it is a constant guilt trip. I know I am wasting emotional energy looking back on what is past, but it's so hard not to look back with the benefit of hindsight and be hard on yourself about decisions you made or people you trusted.

Sometimes I worry that it's my efforts and interference that are the problem - am I trying to change my ds1 to become something he is incapable of, or am I maintaining reasonable expectations and working with him to help him feel more in tune with his environment? How on earth can anyone always get the balance right between compensating for someone's difficulties by adjusting the environment around them, and finding ways to work with them so that they can function in the world as it is? It feels as though I create anxiety for him either way - by having expectations too low, creating a sort of learned dependency where my ds1 doesn't bother to try to achieve skills because the message being sent is that he is incapable of achieving them or that they aren't really worth achieving anyway; or expectations too high, creating a child who feels he can never live up to what is expected of him and therefore gives up trying for that reason. In some ways, it's like a horrible emotional swing - I work with ds1, we have some success and he achieves something that makes him feel proud and good about himself; I then get over-excited and start pushing him too hard, rather than let him have time to bask in the joy of his earlier achievement. Then I feel awful and back off too much, because I recognise I've taken away from some of the earlier joy he felt by too quickly expecting him to build on what went before. Then I start wondering whether, if I just left the poor boy alone, he would get there in the end without any help and interference, just a bit later than other children. Then I cry myself to sleep that night and have to start again in the morning...

So, I think your feelings are normal!

Rabbitstew, I couldn't have put it better myself. Everything you write is how myself and my partner feels. I go through so many mixed emotions daily, one minute I am saying leave him alone let him enjoy his childhood, go out and play when his friends call and don't worry about the mountain of homework, the mountain of SLT work given, the mountain of SENCO work. But when he goes out I then say shouldn't I be pushing him more to improve and make that little bit of progress we all wish will happen one day. The poor lad doesn't know which way to turn as I am stressing out and I guess he see's that. Guilt is the killer, I just deal with it daily and hope one day things will change. My son is 10 been seeing a SLT for 6 years, under SENCO SA+ since he started, he has speech and language delay, auditory memory/processing disorder. He's a lovely lad and well liked I dn't want to change that but then the realism of it takes over and you start to worry about secondary school, bullying, getting a job, socialising its ok at Primary but keeping friends throughout your school days is difficult, especially with peer pressure etc.
I have relied on the professionals for 6 years and I get little advice or help, you just have to keep pushing and pushing and that never seems enough. So yep one big guilt trip, just have to find a way of coping, which I am sure you do. Just keep pushing for what you want for your child but along the way don't put too much pressure on them, it's difficult but we also want our children to be happy. Good luck with everything.

Yep :( Constant guilt trip.

Yep, I agree, I am in the process of moving Dd3 to another school and trying to get her a dx from CAMHS.

We seem to find guilt around every corner at the moment. Am a bit fed up with it TBH.

I almost said 'no' to the feeling guilty part, and just VERY frustrating and stressful :)
But then I remembered about 2 weeks ago when I found out I should be applying for a statement when I had taken SENCOs words of 'he won't get one' to mean it was set in stone - as they know best!

Hahaha :o I felt very guilty for wasting a couple of months and felt I'd failed my DS during that time.

Back on an up beat at the moment so I'll keep on fighting - now where are those boxing gloves?

We have took the decission to apply for a statement, awaiting on the EP report. I guess SENCO telling me "he won't get one" has spured me on more. No one wants to help and in general they don't care about my son, the only one who truly cares is the parent - KEEP FIGHTING.

Ineedalife we are like you bit fed up at the moment, I am hitting obstacles every corner I turn, coupled with the guilt its hard to keep going. All we get is negativity and we have to remain positive, very difficult.