autistic+empathy= confused EandZ

[eandz]

Hi there (again)!

We're on the highway of special needs and it looks like we'll be taking the autistic spectrum exit (May 6th for diagnosis).

My son (30 months) doesn't speak much but does show empathy (hugs and cuddles me when I look sad, is happy when others are happy). He has just started nursery and other children in his age group talk about how he doesn't speak (only the occasional word). He does copy behavior, and sizes up children based on height (plays with children that are at his eye level only). He usually sticks to them through the day, will sit near them at snack time and next to them at story time.

I am scared that once he is told/realises he has differences or if he's teased at school/nursery he'll become depressed. So far he hasn't been teased and the boys he does play with accept him and include him. What do you think?

Yes, don't worry yet about whether or not he'll get depressed - or if so why.

First work on what you can do to help him now while he's 30 months.....

Showing empathy doesn't rule out having ASD......

But right now what you need to figure out is what he needs the most help with and how you can get him that help.....

My DS (6) can empathise. He has also figured out he's different. At the moment he doesn't seem too worried. I'm not looking forward to 'the conversation' though. I don't think it will depress him very much as 'fitting in' at the moment, at least, doesn't seem high on his list of worries.

However, his behaviour at school has been variable and so his SALT went into the class and explained to the rest of the class about Autism and his communication difficulties. The kids are generally kind to him and about him but sometimes he frustrates them. I think they are far more understanding and accepting than their parents.

I'd agree with Spinkle that it will be a good idea to have 'invisible disability' explained to his peers when it starts being an issue. But at 30 months many children don't speak, my DS1 who is NT didn't speak til over 3 and the nursery children never really noticed. More importantly, neither did he.

My DS2 had the ASD advisory teacher go in to school when he was in Y1 to talk the class through his disability, and they went from thinking he was naughty to being really tolerant overnight. He is 11 now and aware he is different, we had 'the conversation' recently but he doesn't care (yet.)

The class are still really tolerant. I will miss them terribly in Sept for secondary school. But DS2 again, isn't that bothered. Plenty of time to worry about these issues when and if they become an issue. Concentrate on now and the next year or so, only way to remain sane IMO!

Agree with ellen and others, whilst the social area and possible depression is a valid concern for the future, park it for a few years, and focus on the helping him develop communication and social skills. Ime it wasnt until ds was six that his peers registered a difference much anyway.