when u say aspergers and they say well at least u know it is not bad parenting

[Jennylee]

Is that not the most backhanded insult u could ever imagine? it like saying well I always thought you were a bad parent, now u have an excuse, said by best friend. Well f*k them. Rant over, and why do parents turn on each other? we both made the baby how is it my fault. thanks dh. rant really over now. Also 'why are u upset? it not like he is dying', okay lets all have our kids have aspergers I should be overjoyed all the other kids laugh at him and it will stay this way, and we are all upset, sign me up for more. brilliant. I am coping and finding out about it for my son and everyone else is falling apart or acting like a*holes or in denial. normal?

Finding out more about AS and how it affects your son specifically is the best way forwards. Being in denial won't help him, so those that are are just wasting time and opportunities.
Learn more, then you can work towards helping him through the minefield, and find ways to ease situations, help him manage, develop coping strategies and generally understand WHY shit happens.
How old is he?
Yes, the reactions you describe are normal. Not helpful though.

Sounds pretty normal
Have you experienced the "oh my DS does that too" yet? Thats always a winner with me. Yes, your child does exactly the same as mine, thats why we struggle every day and need so much support to get him to do the things that "normal" children do.

You will find people who are supportive and offer a shoulder.

Have you been on an Earlybird course yet?

I got a couple of "rellies" to take a look at the DLA form recently.

The sheer number of questions and the length of the blank form shocked them. I was asked if I cried when he qualified, when I admitted that, yes I had, I got a hug from someone previously definately of the " he's just being naughty" school of thought.

Oddly the same woman is now a massive source of support when I wanna rant at the Health service - she's as bemused as I am at how many "experts" on child can see without recieving an ounce of practical support or a single useful suggestion to take home & try.

Mums are hideously judgemental of each other, in a way it's a relief to jump right off that whole "but Tarquin was walking at 2 months and reading war and peace at 2 years" malarkey! It shocking how little we support each other and point fingers when compassion costs nothing. The media & authorites encourage it though, look at how Jordan has been treated by the press re Harvey.

If you qualify for an earlybird course MAKE your partner attend too. Denial is a river in Eygpt many men can spend years sailng down.

hi he is 12, we thought he was just difficult
and had glue ear for years. we didnt think he had .a.s.d for years but school always thought so but now he has worsened and we see it. and the more we read, the more we see it, the only things he lack is that he does not collect anything or do anything repetative, apart from talk about fighting, boxing action heros revenge bullying, stuff like that because of school. This is all new to us, we argued the glue ear case for too long that was a red herring it can mimic a.s.d.
I have had the' do you think---is like that'? she does nto say much and
ignores me sometimes!!!gah!

no courses yet my dh won't have a bar of it. it will be me on my own.

Are we supposed to treat him different or try to help him hide it an compensate? Do I encouage him to hold eye contact or leave ti alone?

Contact the national autistic society - www.nas.org

They have a helpline that is fantasic plus lots of local parent support groups. If you can't get emotional support from your nearest and dearest you'll find it at one of these groups. They'll also have lots of advice for you on how to handle your child and his school ; )

Also I have a relative who ahd lots of kids and always told other people my ds was backward, immature, has a baby brain, (she is from another country they say that there) and the thought of telling her makes me sick, I can't tell her I woudl rather she thinks he is bad tempered adn spoiled than confirm her musings. I just tell her he has communication difficullties. my dh ahs nto spoken to me for days and I want to kill him, my ds si depressed aobtu and does nto want to go back to school as eh keeps gettign bullied and then exploding with rage and is treated differentyl, but the staff are great. and we ahve to find him specialsit provison for high school as he woudl drown int he mainstream. oh wel im gonna get reading a stay focused, I think that is pissing my dh off even more, my constand readingamd looking up stuff, make me seem like a 'supermum act' no other choice though ahve 2 babies awell can't sit brooding and crying, theres shit to do

thanks for the replies :) mumsnet is always here :)