not sure what to title this

[thisisyesterday]

ds1 (suspected Aspergers) has trouble socially, especially with large groups of people.
he struggles to interact appropriately, and as such he chooses often to do things by himself.

he is keen to play football, however he doesn't want to be in a team and only wants to play if HE can win (not his team, just him)

I've always struggled with knowing what to do with this. Do I encourage him to do group activities/sports and try and help him figure out ways of getting round the bits he finds difficult? CAN he get round those obstacles??

or, do i just say to myself. he prefers to do lone activities and just let him do those?

I guess I am struggling with the idea of trying to force him into being someone he isn't, and trying to make him enjoy situations that he doesn't easily enjoy. Should I just let him be?

my view on this is that he needs as much practise as you can get him on how to a)participate and b)deal with the fact that he finds it difficult.

I would force him, but at the same time ensure he has a balance of things he really does like to do too. In fact, I would hold on to the things he likes most to hand over to him when he does attempt to participate in the things he finds hard. The trick for us parents is to not shy away from those opportunities because they are hard for US, and to fall over ourselves to force our dc's to participate and fall over ourselves even more to make those participations small enough to be manageable for our dcs and engineered in a way that makes it as enjoyable as it possibly could be.

Perhaps hire a local young girl/babysitter to come and play those types of games with him, then introduce another child/playdate so that he achieves small steps at a time. Ensure the difficult bits are as short and untraumatic as possible and always end on a high, with success and a huge amount of praise.

His brain is still developing. The practise he gets now will help him later on.

This is my view, however I don't believe it is everyones!

All classic signs of AS and can be overcome with work. First thing to try would be "Social Stories" - google them, someone somewhere has probably already written one you can adapt. Otherwise, they're pretty easy to write yourself

thanks! there is a local club that does football skills and as he has often expressed an interest in football i wondered about signing him up for that

but do you think that's too much too soon? my other worry is that he;ll find it difficult and then really hate going, which would be a shame. maybe i need to gradually build up to a more structured thing?

If he wants to go, you can make that the goal. You can say that he needs to learn some pre-skills and then write a programme of small steps that he'll need to learn before he attends. If they are nice they might be happy to talk to you about what a normal session looks like and you might be able to visit on your own to think about what pre-skillls your ds will need.

I think what I meant from my previous post is really nothing more than never give up on him. High expectations might never be met, but for sure, they lead to better outcomes overall.

thanks starlight, you always give such good advice :)

they do taster sessions, so i might see if we can go to one and see what the group is like first.

we were also down on the waiting list for woodcraft folk which i thought might get him used to working in larger groups but in a more relaxed setting, but i must chase them up as haven't heard anything of late

LOL at woodcraft folk. For sure my ds will be attending just as soon as he is old enough and they get around to responding to my email.

Hi thisisyesterday - no advice, I'm afraid, because we are in exactly the same quandary. (ds1, 5yo, suspected ASD, likes ball skills and playing with his new friends at school, hates team games, being tackled, losing..)

ahh we can all figure it out together i guess!

My 7 year old has just been diagnosed with AS and he won't do social things. We have been trying to convince him to start Beavers but is refusing.

He used to do Stagecoach and he loved doing the dancing and stuff but hated doing it in front of others! He still dances around the living room to music, but has given up the formal lessons.