When and how did you suspect your child had something - aspergers or the like?

[sarahbeth2]

Sorry, didnt know how to word the title!

Have been posting on the behaviour forum and maybe i need to post over here.

My daughter is 3 and I am worried about the level of her tantrums I am starting to wonder if this is something else. Its really getting me down as I dont seem to have anyone understand or support me except my husband.

She doesnt listen to what we ask of her, doesnt respond to punishment (although will say sorry and does know she has upset us if that counts?) cannot be trusted to walk with us as she finds it funny running off, lashes out and hits and spits. She is so defiant and strong willed i dont know if this is simply her personality or something more.

Has anyone got any advise or questions I should be asking myself to help?
She interacts with other children well, is bright perhaps too much and can speak and hear clearly.

I really appreciate it, thanks.

We knew DD had issues with her speech and motor skills before she started school but had no idea about a lot of her other issues. Any strange behaviours we put down to her age and language issues. Since starting school and being able to compare her with her peers and allowing time to see her not growing up in the same way as them has made us and the school realise there is a lot more going on with her. She is now 6.5yrs old in year 1 at school and as yet we don't have a formal diagnosis but suspected Aspergers and in the process of referrals still.

If you have concerns then best to go and see your GP with her and ask for a referral to a paediatrician for further discussions and assessment from there. If there is nothing found you have lost nothing, but if your suspicions are confirmed then it will be a good way forwards for you to find out how best to help her as time goes by.

If you are thinking Aspergers then it is well worth getting the book "A Complete Guide to Aspergers" by Tony Attwood and having a read up too.

not until he was about 4.5/5ish!

ds1 was a model baby and toddler. in hindsight he was abnormally "good" iyswim?
he did have tantrums and stuff when he reached about 4 though, we figured it was just delayed "terrible 2's" and it wasn't really until he never grew out of this kind of behaviour that we realised that perhaps it was more than that

he is currently being assessed for aspergers

i'd say from your OP that your daughter sounds just like a typicalk strong-willed toddler! some are easier, some are very hard work.
but i am basing that on a couple of paragraphs about her,.
.
if there is one thing i've learnt so far it is that mother's intuition (or parents' intuition) should never be underestimated. and if you feel that this is more than just normal toddler behaviour then I too would advise speaking to a GP about it

I have spoken to my gp who smirked and said oh its her age. Felt bit miffed afterwards...
Just trying to gather more info before i see what to do..

Definately if you feel there is more to it then don't be fobbed off. If everyone on here had £1 for each time they were told something they instinctively knew was not right then we would all be very rich! Trust your instincts here. Might be worth a chat with your health visitor? Ours actually was the first person to refer to the paed for DD, not the GP.

is she at nursery? if so do they have any concerns?

Ds2's AS was diagnosed at the age of 2 but that was really only because we already had a ds with ASD and knew what to look out for. Without that family history I think he might have slipped through the cracks until at least school age.

With hindsight I think many of the difficulties at your dd's age were caused by sensory problems - either being too sensitive to touch, sound, light etc or being under-sensitive to them. Ds1's behaviour was often geared around avoiding sensory input (hiding in cupboards, not using his hands etc) whereas ds2's behaviour was more of a quest to seek more sensory input (headbanging, throwing himself against walls etc). Do you think your dd shows signs of anything like that?

When I sat with the psychologist who was seeing her for school anxiety and went through her developmental history. I think it dawned on him at the same time as it dawned on me. Her behaviour had never been 'in your face' autistic but looking back I could suddenly see the signs.

I went home feeling shocked and had a surf on the internet. I bought the Tony Attwood book mentioned above and it was like someone giving me the missing pieces of a jigsaw. I suddenly understood behaviour I had thought of as just her being highly intelligent and very shy. There was no doubt in my mind from then on.

IME a mother's instincts are pretty reliable so if you feel she needs assessment then you should push for it.

Sorry for delay. I feel there is something i need to investigate but unsure exactly what it is. I think there is pna or something or opositional disorder, i dont know?!

What the problem is her extreme level of anger. I have since given my mum tests to see if she will do the same with her and she does. I wanted to test if she was doing it to just me and my husband or others.

She does not like being told no or being asked not to i.e. touch something. If she wants to do it then that is all she wants to do.

She likes certain things done her way which i know toddlers have but its the extreme reaction i have about it. Examples, if i put something somewhere and its not right she will go mad, if i put the toothpaste on the toothbrush and she wanted to she goes mad.

She runs off if i ask her to stay with me.

She wont listen to me. She has so much energy too, she is never tired and always active.

Its the extreme nature of the screaming/tantrums and frequency as its every day and a few times a day thats the problem.

I am worn down by it and at a loss as to what to do with her. My mum who has 3 other grandchildren too has witnessed it and is also concerned as she doesnt understand it either.

Anyone offer anymore advice as i am expecting a baby in few weeks and so keep crying also which is not good ;(

p.s. i am getting time and help for a break but would like to just try and help the situation.

oh and she is just like jeckell and hyde, fantastic until she loses it then once calm fantastic again. Its likeliving with two different kids

I honestly think that most of those things are within the realm of "normal" toddler behaviour, and perhaps exacerbated by the impending new arrival.
children pick up on big changes like this and many toddlers have a big increase in challenging behaviour when a new baby is on the way

This has been going on for longer than i have been pregnant though...

I would go with your instincts - I think you just 'know' if something is not quite right. I knew from about 16 months but people would say 'oh he just a typical toddler, strong willed, likes doing his own thing etc. He did do things that other toddlers did but just more often and a little more extreme. I am sure some of it was 'typical' toddler behaviour but I also knew some of it wasn't.

I was in a similar situation to you as was heavily pregnant with DS2 when I knew I had to speak to someone about DS1. The nursery got the ball rolling a couple of mths after DS2 was born and referred DS1 to a speech therapist, who then referred to paediatrician. I was gutted but slightly relieved. I had just had a baby and it was very hard to deal with.

DS1 was diagnosed with Autistic Spectrum Condition just before he was 3.

I would say have a word with your Health Visitor or GP and ask for a referral to a community paediatrican. BUT, you are having a baby soon so you need to do what is best for you and your family to get thru the next few mths. It does take a while (!) to get an appt with Paed so maybe no harm in starting the process now.

When you say Jekyll and Hyde, that reminds me of my DD when she was a toddler. If we gave her chocolate she'd change fairly quickly. Certain sweet drinks too Incl. Squash.
The more days she had them then it would be like a build up, but as she didn't really have sweets or juice, only water, we could see the difference almost instantly.
The GP said both his DC were the same and they generally grow out of it by around 9yrs ish.
I'm not saying that your DD is reacting to the food but it might be worth looking at what her intake is? Bearing in mind the time it takes for a review and/or poss Dx, it wouldn't harm trying to cut back on those bits (altogether really, if she has them) to see if it helps?

While you're waiting on referral!

I have thought of food but she only drinks water and doesnt have many chocolates and sweets so i cant see it would be that. I try and make a lot of her food from scratch too.
My gp said they cant be referred until school age but i think i will go back.

Cani ask what other things i shouild/could look out for with her? Any other pointers other than behaviour and gut instinct? I have been asked if she plays well with other children which is a yes, she can talk very well too...
Dietcokegirl, what else was there with your lo?

I purposely didnt mention i was pregnant on this post at first as it is always dismissed as this when it has been like this for a long time! I put it down to terrible twos and hoped it would go but it just isnt...

My DS1 (aged 3.7) is mostly non-verbal although can now communicate his needs fairly well. He has short attention span, poor joint attention, doesn't sit down for long, hard to get to table at meal times/sit down for circle time etc at nursery, prefers to play on his own most of time (apart from chase/running/hiding/outdoor play). He has never been aggressive (spit, bit, hit etc) but if he doesn't want to do something it is very hard to move him on. He lays on floor, may kick his legs out a bit and shout 'no', ouch' and it is difficult to coax him into doing what we want him to do (tho getting easier!). He will run off laughing if we are out and about and as I am unsure about his sense of danger I never let go of him near a main road etc!! His eye contact was poor and he didn't respond to his name when engrossed in play but that is much better now he has got a bit older.

I think everybody who knew DS1 pre-diagnosis said he was strong-willed...! I thought it was more than that and I was right. It seems much of his frustrations are due to lack of communication but so much more manageable now we have strategies in place. He is generally happy and content but very much on is own agenda.

I knew something was not right with dd1 at a very early age (a few weeks old), she was a unsettled baby, i couldn't change her without her screaming until she was sick, i couldn't take her anywhere, she cried at everyone and would never sleep. We sent her to nursery when she was 2 and things got worse, she had so many phobias that she spent most the day crying and shaking with fear, she would make her self sick and loved routine, i took her to see a paed and as soon as they mentioned AS i felt relieved, when the paed read out the traits i felt they were describing dd1, it took a year and a half to get a dx but to me she was diagnosed straight away as i knew what the dx would be.

I think it's PDA you are thinking of, Pathological Demand Avoidance. There are old threads on it, I don't know much about it but it does involve finding requests and demands very difficult. If you search PDA on the SN threads I'm sure you'll get lots of info.

DD (3) was always a bit difficult - quite a irritable baby. I really started to think something was up when her language did not come on. I took DD to HV and GP when she was 2 and have been fobbed of for a year. HV actually said that the problem is me (she said I am expecting too much ). eventually had enough of it, went back to GP and told him I won't leave without referral. we haven't got a dx yet (1st appointment with dev paed is only coming up) though the normal paed things DD shows traits of asd.

if you think something is not quite right, then insist on a referral. if GP won't refer, can you go via HV? otherwise I would go back to GP and insist.

DS started with this type of monster child behaviour and it went on for 6 months with nursery putting him on an IBP and begging for support.

We ony got support though when he started loosing all his skills :(