Dreams

[CinnamonPretzel]

What does this mean?

This morning, DS popped downstairs about 6am - I fell back to sleep for half an hour, only to have THE weirdest dream!

We were on a fishing trawler - me, a man, woman and a baby. The boat was just leaving the dock; it was very sunny and the sea was clear. The lady had a fishing rod and threw the line into the sea. A shark could be seen under the surface, swimming towards the float on the line - I could feel myself panic, but that was the idea, to catch the shark!

The shark grabbed the line and almost instantly the boat started to tilt onto it's side (almost impossible, as the boat was big) where I tried to reach for the line to cut the shark free. It all happened too quickly and then the boat went up side down.

My thoughts were, not to panic, wait for the suction to ease, and then I realised it might not stop in time for me to get free. Then I thought, even if it did, I wouldn't be able to save anyone and that baby was on board down below drowning. At no point was I panicking...

The alarm went off

its that drowning feeling ive got it too and atm i wish it would hurry up and drown me i cant do this any more sorry over dramatic but its so bad my hearts breaking, it sounds familiar usually you woulld panic i feel just like that the sharks are surrounding me and i want to give in let them do their worst

Oo I love interpreting dreams, not very easy if you don't know the individual though. The best person to interpret a dream is the person who had it and its usually best to go with your first gut reaction to it rather than spend a lot of time analysing the details.

Sorry Cinnamon, I don't know your story, but if I had that dream myself I would know what it meant. Are you fighting for your dc in some way by any chance - health authority, diagnosis or LEA perhaps?

If it were me, I would say that I know we have to engage with the LEA in order to get my ds a statement, but that the very idea fills me with panic - mainly because I know better than to trust the LEA (shark). As soon as the process towards statementing begins, I know our lives will turn upside down (the boat tilting) and I may well panic and consider backing out, but I know deep down that once the process is started it will take on a life of its own and we will be driven forwards by their timescales rather than being in control (it all happened too quickly for you to cut the line).

Your sensible head tells you not to panic, take your time, wait for the initial chaos to pass then take back the control, but in reality you know that they still hold all the cars and you might not be able to get the outcome you want no matter how hard you try (realised it might not stop in time for me to get free).

The realisation that the baby was drowing down below probably relates to you feeling that you haven't the power to effect change quick enough in your dc's life (relating to either health dx or LEA perhaps) and - again this is just if it were me - that it feels like to little too late anyway (even if I did stop I wouldn't be able to save anyone and the baby was already drowning) - in my case this would be because no-one listened to me about my ds until he was 8 years old and a lot of damage was done in the meantime.

Blimey moosemama, are you living my life :) Similar-ish story.

Little background:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/1179616-My-story-so-far-Stressed-lonely-need-to-offload-and-more

Only yesterday I put this onto MH although doubt anyone took any notice lol, didn't feel right posting it on here!

^'I feel like finding a big heavy punch bag and going 10 rounds. I'm trying to remain smiley but one little thing sets me off.
My body feels like it's made of knots and I appear to have squeezed as much historical emotional pain into me ready for a full explosion.
Little bits keeps spilling over the edge. It's almost like flood barriers that are starting to crack. I keep getting headaches...
Do I need a counsellor?
DH and I saw an emotions counsellor following our DSs Dx, but I kept my usual 'I'm okay' frame and didn't feel comfortable going off on a tangent about anything.
I just want to curl up somewhere away from everything and cry really hard, proper chest wrenching, throat aching, eye stinging crying.
But
A. I don't get time alone long enough,
B. I can't decide at what in my life I want to cry about - DS, life or lack off, DH, DD (they all have stories in themselves)
C. It just won't bl**dy happen!!!'^

Today, I popped out to drop a book back from where I borrowed it - DH was home to receive a parcel delivery so he kept an eye on DS & DD. For the first time, I actually didn't feel like going home!

Last night I started going through the Cerebra DLA guide, while looking at the DLA form. I also have statement letter to write for DS, visual aids to implement - as per my other post for links.

I think that dream probably is, that I feel like I'm drowning and I know there isn't anything I can do about it other than tread water and keep afloat.

{{{MADABOUTTHEBOY2000}}}

Cinnamon, I think under the circumstances the way you are feeling is perfectly understandable, normal and what a lot of us here have been through.

For me, it comes in waves. I go through times when I really don't think I can do it anymore and I want to run, hide, scream etc just like you, but then I realise that I am the only person that can do this for my ds and the rest of my family and I can't allow myself to 'break'. So, I take a deep breath, set my jaw and carry on. Unfortunately there's a similar story for almost every thread you read on the SN board.

I have had a thread myself this week asking for people to kick me, because I'd reached the point where I felt I had no fight left in me, but here I am a couple of days later, having returned from a meeting a the school to deal with both the bullying my ds has been suffering and to effectively rewrite his IEP. If you'd asked me two days ago I would have told you I simply couldn't do it.

There aren't enough hours in the day to do all the 'normal' things a family has to do, let alone fit in all the extra things we've been advised to do by OTs, EPs, the Inclusion team, the dietician etc. Then I constantly feel guilty because I should be doing more to help him and because ds2 gets lost in the middle between my SN ds1 and my two year old dd.

I think the truth is we are all drowning, finding out your child has SNs is a bit like being thrown in at the deep end and is basically sink or swim. Strange how so many of these analogies seem to relate to water.

All I can offer really is a great big ((hug)) and the advice to keep posting and reading on the SN board, its an incredible resource for support and information.

Great - Weird dream number 2.

Let DS go out and play in the street (no, I don't let him out at home!).
I went out to look for him and he was gone. BUT, I was suddenly in my old home neighbourhood and I was walking over to some flats that were around the corner to where I used to live. I went to knock on doors etc. and was then told by a group of parents that a man had taken him home to look after him until I arrived.
I manage to locate this mans place, that happened to be at the end of some shops and he was a careworker or dentist, or something - dream wasn't clear. I could hear a younger child crying upstairs, and when the man opened the door, he only held a child slightly older than mine and said, that was the only child he had.
I went back onto the street, past a mechanics/garage place, shouting and calling out his name.

I woke up!

:(