Come and kick me up the bum. Today I feel like I just don't have the strength.

[moosemama]

Ds has been beaten up at school again and yet again the school are arseing about 'investigating' instead of taking action, despite the fact that its the same boys who have regularly bullied and beaten him up since he was in infants.

I honestly thought we had got past this, they had been dealt with and had moved on, how wrong could I be.

I am sitting here in tears, having sat up half the night typing up ds's notes about what happened. The school have asked the thug other boy to do this as well, as according to them they can't work out who isn't telling the truth. This is despite the fact that their are two independent witnesses that corroborate ds's story and the only person to back up the thug is his twin brother. His teacher implied that because ds struggles with social interaction he could have misinterpreted the other childs intentions! WTF!

I honestly don't know why they keep letting them get away with it. Its not just my ds they've done this to and there was a serious incident of a very similar nature, involving an unprovoked attack on a younger child just over a week ago.

On top of this I am trying to pull together evidence for the LEA about why ds should have a statement and because his IEP meeting fell to pieces after I raised the statementing question, I have to have another meeting with his teacher (the one that thinks AS 'isn't an excuse') tomorrow afternoon to go over the one she's drafted on her own.

I really feel like I just don't have it in me to carry on fighting. I am so ridiculously tired and I just want it all to stop.

Poor you, have a . Its a disgrace that school not doing much to sort out problem. How can they not believe your ds story when he has 2 witnesses yet the boy causing trouble only has twin brother to back him up, that IMO should tell them everything. Have to say his teacher and school dont sound very approachable or sympathetic to your ds. They should be helping him where he struggles not saying its "not an excuse". Sorry for you, no wonder you are tired and upset. Hope matter gets resolved very soon for your sake and of course your poor ds. Big Hugs x

Thank you shazian.

Its swings and roundabouts with the school. We have some fantastic support from the inclusion team and the Head is very good, but ds's main teacher just sees him as 'a' if not 'the' problem in almost every case.

I am seriously hoping the head will have dealt with it by the time I go to pick the boys up this afternoon. I do know he has been informed about the incident, probably due to my complaint letter about the same boys that was sent exactly a week ago yesterday.

so so sorry moosemama my DS was bullied since first school its only just stopped but its a terrible worry now over time my DS has become violent too and has terrible thoughts what did the school/s do bugger all investigate, deny,tell me him being kicked and punched is in not so many words HIS fault because of his odd behaviours hes ASD doh...they just dont get it or dont want to, what are you ultimately if it doesnt stop going to do?

sorry to hear that moose this has been going on too long. I hope you will be complaining again, in writing? Not just about the other boy but also the teachers attitude. This boy has a long history of bullying yet the teacher says it's down to misinterpretation What are they doing to support your ds if they think this is the case, whichever way they have been left lacking! Hope your ds is ok

Thanks Madabout and Ninja.

I have written another complaint letter to accompany ds's written statement and sent a copy to both the class teacher and the head.

I'm dreading the school run, as in the letter I asked them to make sure I am informed of the outcome of their 'investigation' and what action they 'will' be taking. I swear, if they tell me its losing a playtime again I will finally snap! I have to be so careful what I say so I'm not seen as a problem parent, particularly by this one teacher, who is instantly on the defensive every time I have to speak to her anyway. If I lose it, I will also lose the only line of communication I have with the school, as well as any possible future co-operation.

I will be very interested to hear how they feel an 8 year old boy, AS or otherwise, making a retort to another child who has just come up and deliberately (physically) baited him, can ever be justification for him to be on the receiving end of repeated punches to the stomach, being swung around like a flipping doll and physically thrown across the playground. The other boy even shouted across the playground that he was going to beat ds up. Ds had just been minding his own business chatting with his best friend when the other boy came up and started on him.

Ds isn't physically violent, he doesn't have it in him. Not to mention he isn't actually physically capable of it, as he has virtually no upper body strength and hopeless co-ordination.

I'm so wound up about it at the moment, I actually feel sick and can't face the lunch dh very kindly came home and made for me.

Think I might go and put some warpaint make-up on and spruce myself up before sallying forth.

moosemama,

Am sorry to read this is still continuing and school are arsing about as per usual. This usually comes about as a result of a weak HT. Put all complaints in writing to the school and the LEA as well, it sounds like this school are both unwilling and unable to deal with bullying issues. I would seriously consider moving schools at this rate as this school are failing your child here.

www.bullying.co.uk is a very good website for both children and parents.
They also have an e-mail helpline.

This sounds awful for you all-Have you made an official complaint to the governors? You should do if the anti-bullying policy isn't working(which it obviously isn't!)

good luck on the school run

Moosemama

Are there hidden areas of the playground that the adults supervising playtime can't see where this bullying and physical abuse is happening. There is one such area in our very small playground and the children are not allowed there. It is barriered off to actually stop them getting in there.

It sounds absolutely dreadful that he (and you) are having to go through this. Absolutely outrageous. Good luck on the school run. I know that you want to stay calm but sometimes shock tactics are what is required....

Thanks Attila

I have put everything in writing, but hadn't thought to copy the LEA in on it. Found out this week that a family friend works for the LEA, she said they won't take any notice until its been escalated to the Governors first - of course the Governors are dominated by the Head and Church Govs.

To be fair, last time it was brought to the Head's attention it was sorted out right away - interestingly that was almost exactly 12 months ago. I know these boys have a difficult homelife and knowing what I know about them, I'm starting to wonder whether the time of year is significant somehow. I get the feeling that 'the school' is aware that there's more to what's going on for them, but this has resulted in my son's needs being sidelined in favour of theirs, despite the fact that I fight for my son, whereas their parent is anything but involved with their children's education. It does feel like ds and the other 'victims' are being seen as collateral damage to some extent.

We have looked into moving schools, but without the statement, nowhere would take him - all of the ones within travelling distance are massively oversubscribed and have huge waiting lists.

Obviously a statement is on the cards now, but the other problem is that, despite the bullying, ds doesn't actually want to change schools, he has a best friend and a small group of children who have been with him since nursery, are very supportive and who the inclusion team are hoping to build into a circle of friends. We have also just managed to build up a really good level of support for his SENs and would have to start again from square one with a new school.

Of course the other thing is my sheer anger - why should my son, who can't cope with change and has done nothing wrong, have to be the one to leave. AS you know, this is very often the case with bullying - but it doesn't make it any easier to handle.

Into, we have made an informal complaint to one of the Governors, who incidentally is also the parent of the younger child that was beaten up Friday before last. We hadn't put in a formal complaint as we foolishly believed the matter had been dealt with effectively last year. It has started up again over the past few weeks, hence the letters I've already sent, and came to a head yesterday lunchtime.

The Head admitted this time last year that the anti-bullying policy wasn't worth the paper it was written on (my DH's words to him) and promised a big anti-bullying drive, with teacher, governor, parent and pupil consultation feeding into the rewritting of a robust policy, would take place in September 2010. We have reminded him of this promise several times, but the reply is always that its been delayed but will be happening 'after half term' or 'at the beginning of next term' etc.

Ben10, we raised the issue of teachers/supervisors not seeing what was going on last year when ds and his best friend were set upon by a gang of 15 boys led by these brothers and not one supervisor saw what happened. They supposedly reviewed the positions that supervisors are stationed at so that they have clear lines of sight - this is either not happening or needs readdressing. The only improvement was that ds was at least able to find a lunch supervisor and get help yesterday.

moosemama - how horrible that your ds is going through all of this.
hugs

hi moose I'm so sorry this is still happening, I hoped after the last incident when he attacked the other boy the goveners might have kicked them up the bum! I know it doesn't help at all but am fuming on behalf of your ds and u, !!

Nothing to say but, I feel for you and am sorry.

Why is so much bullying tolerated? If I put my mother into a nursing home and the other residents/staff were bullying her, I'd expect firm and swift action. Same in the workplace.....if not, I'd take legal action and sue the arse of them.

I schools, it's OK.

oh mm - thinking of you it must be so hard
a horrible thing to deal with

Hi Moose. How horrible. I'm sorry they seem to be paying lip service to anti-bullying measures. When you see the head, make sure all the information is filtered down to the lunchtime supervisors and playtime staff. In my experience, sometimes only the Senior Management Team get any info as there may be a 'need to know' issue with this thug. Trouble is, if behaviour is so extreme all staff 'need to know'.

Thanks folks.

Teacher didn't want to discuss it today, they haven't finished 'investigating'. According to ds, his two friends have been asked to write up their 'witness statements' today as well.

His teacher was trying to imply something at pick up, something along the lines of 'but I've sorted it' especially as she said they haven't gone over everything yet.

We are meeting tomorrow evening to discuss his IEP anyway (received a copy today and that's a whole 'nother can of worms) so they want to discuss the 'incident' then.

I hate kids that are bullies like that especially when school are rubbish with dealing with it - makes you want to give the nasty little shits a sneaky kick in the kneecaps when no one is looking and the useless teachers come to that!

So sorry Moose

Can't agree enough about a letter cc Head and Governors. With mention of LEA and reference to your expectation that the school

a) deal with this as effectively as they would in all cases but also
b) pay special attention to the SN nature of ds1's educational & personal requirements and his rights as laid out in law, LSA guidlines, Every Child Matters....and so on.
c) your anticipation of evidence and action planning to protect ds1 from further damage to his educational and personal develpment. WHilst you are sure the chidlren involved have their own issues and needs, you are only concerned with your own ds and only wish to enter into discussion regarding him and his needs.
d) your assumption that ds will in no way be apportioned blame or called into any potentially threatening/intimidating situations with anyone in authority, regarding an incident where he was first and foremost a vulnerable victim with a known risk factor for being targeted by bullies [i.e. SN]. You look forward with interest to any realiable, confirmed and proven evidence to the contrary and insist any such evidence be broached with you and ds, together and in a dedicated meeting. Any meeting should be designed to protect ds from increased stress or blame apportion.

Fuckers . Am sleep deprived and very very grumpy

Quick update, just back from a meeting with ds's teacher.

The other witness statements totally vindicated ds and backed up his story 100%. The other child has had sanctions put in place (although we aren't allowed to know what they are ) and his parents have been brought into school for a meeting.

They still haven't dealt with the wider/longer term issue - but they are accepting that ds is the victim in all of this and want to work with us to get to the bottom of it all and try and come up with some strategies to stop the cycle.

Not entirely happy, they are making the right noises, but there's a lot more work to do. I am far too tired to think straight tonight though, so will have to sleep on it and take it from there.

Thank you everyone for all your support.

That's good.

Night night!

Hi moose. Glad they have accepted the facts at least. I'm a bit worried that the HT is making all the right noises, soothing the angry parents, charming everyone but doing fuck all about the bigger issue, which is that they have a bullying problem and need a whole school strategy to deal with it, like yesterday! Sorry, that was a very long sentence. I can't help getting the feeling that the school is just fire fighting. Where is the all singing, all dancing, new anti-bullying policy you were promised last year?

Keep up the pressure, moose.