Explaining Aspergers....

[humanoctopus]

I am looking for ideas on how to explain what aspergers is to my ds, just turned 8, with aspergers.

He never asks about appointments with psychs, slts, ots, etc., so far so never needed to talk much about it with him, iykwim?

I am usually of the mindset that there is no need to say anything until he asks. I was thinking today that if he did ask me what aspergers is, then I really don't know what I would say to him!

What did any of you wse mums of aspies say?

Thanks.

I told mine that his brain was wired differently, and that meant some things were easier for him and some things were harder.
That lead to us talking and explaining things to each other, rather than assuming we'd know what was happening.

Got a nearly 8 year old here. i told him his brain is wired a little differently, and that, like most people, he is good at some things and not so good at other things.

Thanks for the replies, they sound really helpful ways.

Not that he ever questions anything outside of his interests. Not ever. He may sometimes say 'why am I going to the doctor', and once given the explanation, ie, you have a very sore throat, etc., he just goes with it.

I bought the book All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome by Kathy Hoopman. It's a really simple, amusing book with lovely pictures and explains simply what Asperger's is. We just talked about other people see the world differently to how he does, and that it is ok to be different. Telling him about his condition has helped him understand himself a little better I think, and that he can logically explain why he behaves how he does, and why things that don't annoy other people annoy him etc. He is 7.

Believe me, you will appreciate that quality when he's a teenager and everyone else is going on about argumentative and stroppy teenagers.
Work on building a good relationship with him, I'm still my DS's' interpreter' and first port of call when the NT world confuses him.

We've got that book too, DS loved it when he was 8.

aero I will get that book, thanks for the tip.
goblinchild I feel that we have a great relationship, but I get what you are saying in that you are his 'interpreter'. I'm my ds's too, but hadn't put it into specifics, thanks.

Mine is 16, and there have been some tricky questions along the way. A strong relationship has meant he can ask me anything and trust my answer even if he doesn't always understand or empathise the 'why' of it.

I don't know why, but I am always worried how he will cope later on, like in his teens.

Maybe it will be fine, but already I have experienced people his age giggling at his ways, but he is really popular with his class, so mostly no worries.

It doesn't upset him usually, although he has once punched an older boy at school who was making fun of him (for a couple of days, grrr...).

Mine has coped better as a teenager than he did as a younger child, although 10-12 were very lively years. He's doing GCSEs ATM and heading to college for A levels.

That's great to hear.

My guy is doing very well at school, never needs help with school work, sails through tests, etc. Understandably, the school were initially slow to look at the possibility of him having a problem at all. It took a new teacher to draw it all together, from the school's perspective, and they have started to come on board with social skills, etc.

Sounds like mine then, no LDs, just the AS.

I suppose most of his issues are mine, not his!

I have a number of friends who like to say that there isn't anything wrong with him, he just needs telling on how to behave?! Its a bit frustrating, but I have learned to cope with these comments.

Oh, you will fit right in here!

Yes, same here - no LDs, just AS social issues (and a fair bit of boundary pushing to boot atm)!

I've posted before about how I told my then-8-year-old ds about Aspergers, but here is a potted version.

I made up some cards, with skills/talents different written on each one. Then we played a game, where we put the card into a pile for something that Granny finds easy (e.g. baking cakes) or difficult (e.g. climbing trees). Then we did the game again, but based on what my Aspie ds finds easy (e.g. climbing trees) or difficult (e.g. making friends). This was very light hearted.

Then I said that there was a name for people who have this pattern, with some things easy and some things difficult. And we took it from there. And then I gave him a book to read, "The Blue Bottle Mystery" about a boy who gets a diagnosis of Aspergers in the course of the story.

I thought that the book's character was so similar to my ds, but having read it, when I asked him if he thought so too, he burst out "No! The boy in the book had a friend! I don't have any. I don't want any"

A year on, I do keep reminding him about the fact that he finds some things tricky cos of his "Aspie brain" but I have to admit, I am not sure whether it has quite sunken in. It's an ongoing task...