I have never really 'believed' in ADHD but

[ForFoksSake]

I think DS may have it. I do not mean to cause offence when I say I never really believed in it so please do not take it that way. I have always been in the camp of thinking that 'naughty' kids are like that because of parenting but that has now come back to bite me on the arse!

I got a book out from the library this morning about ADHD and it fits DS2 to an absolute tee.

My D2S is 9 and a twin. It is unfortunate in that respect that I have always had another child to compare him with in terms of behavior and development as they have both obviously been brought up exactly the same.

He has been a 'handful' since the day he was born. Always a screamer, very spiteful (biting/pulling hair), would never share and seemed to have no empathy for his brother when he had attacked him which he has done/still does constantly. He also does this spinning round and round thing making 'pish, pish' noises which he has been doing for years as well as repeatedly dive bombing the sofas. I really thought he would have grown out of that by now but it is showing no signs of stopping. He will not go to sleep until midnight some nights (jumping round the room and on the bed) and we have tried everything to sort this out but short of knock him out there's not much we can do! Vicious cycle then continues as he is then tired in the morning and displays crap behaviour yet again.

He has problems with learning and remembering information and as such is very behind at school. He is on School Action Plus and does not seem to be progressing except in reading. His maths is not even at Yr1 level and he is in Yr4. He never remembers to bring home reading books/letters etc and trying to get him to do homework is a nightmare. I have actually given up on it as he can sit at the table for hours and not get anywhere even after I have explained it 10 million times. Simple things like tying shoelaces, cutting out, doing up buttons/zips and opening packets, e'g' crisps, are very difficult for him. I still even have to supervise his nightly bath as he will sit in the bath and then ask what he should do. It's like I can repeat and repeat things but he will still never remember them. It's like every day is a groundhog day! He has terrible tantrums and this morning said he was going 'to stab himself with a knife' when I told him off for ripping up his homework. He actually told me that he took a knife out of the drawer and pointed it to his chest. I was upstairs at the time.

He is also still disruptive at school (he was terrible between Reception and Yr2 and I was constantly getting called into the school) and falls out with friends very easily as he is extremely sensitive.

I adore the kid but his behaviour frustrates me greatly and has ruined our relationship as I find him so difficult to manage. I did take him to my GP to get him assessed when he was in Reception Yr but he was not assessed as it was decided that his behaviour was not bad enough . He has also seen the Education Psychologist at school but nothing was suggested in terms of what his problem was. It was noted that he 'lacked confidence' but that is probably because of all the problems he has had at school.

Anyone with any experience of this?

The book "123 Magic" by Thomas. W. Phelan is the "standard" parenting book often reccomended to parents of ADHD kids - save time and or £6 read & implement the strategies it suggests now. For treatment have a look at IndigoBells threads on retained refexes - they hit a real nerve for me. These are two things you can do now without having to wait on any professionals to help him.

Obviously go back to your GP and DEMAND a referral for assessment, also request a statement from the lea (only takes a letter from you and you need no permission from anyone to ask the question). The act of deciding whether or not to assess for a statement forces the SENCO, EP etc to pull their fingers out. If he is that far behind at school you stand a good chance of getting a statement and thereforr the support he needs before he hits secondary/puberty/just gets 2 foot taller than you.

A lot of what your saying sounds VERY familiar, yes like bochead says start the statement yourself and ask your GP for a ref to a paed at the child development clinic and CAMHS for his actions in the kitchen which i know from experience is a terrible worry isnt it ,some of the traits sound a bit ASD too to me my sons ASD and has some adhd traits and is also dyspraxic but not quite enough for the DX on the dypraxia apparently a lot of traits often overlap, its good hes already on the SA+ I wonder also if your Ds school is one that has to pay for the EP or not as if is could explain why they are not saying .
This is so stressful for the whole family but you have to look after yourself too can anyone come over he likes to give you a well earned break? family or friend ,im sorry to hear its caused you relationship problems too it does though as everyone in the house is affected, but for him to threaten self harm is awful to hear or see for any mum my ds has done a lot of things like this and is under CAMHS but the change of schools been the best cure he is now getting the help he needed 7 years late but ... so dont get fobbed off or told like i was its very common for them to blame bad parenting at first and suggest skills workshops anything rather than face what the real problem is but the sooner you start the better

Bad parenting = standard fob off excuse lol! That's why I suggested getting yourself familiar with 123 Magic - it heads that pathetic argument off at the pass : ) and allows the discussion to move onto the actual problem. With twins any Mum with 1/2 an ounce of common sense would know if it was down to parenting, but doesn't mean they won't trot out the same ol' tired lines at first to avoid having to fund any help - sorry to say : (

i can echo what bochead has said about 123 magic - my DD is nearly 7 and has been diagnosed with ADHD (and possible aspergers as well) and 123 Magic book is fab, we recently went on a ADHD parenting course and it was highly recommended there. My DD is very hard work, high maintenance, energetic, argumentative, loving, adorable, aggressive, occasionally spiteful, kleptomaniac, insomniac, sleepwalker, sleeptalker, incessant talker, social nightmare and Im sure many other words to describe her! But I love her to bits! I would say if you have concerns then get them checked out , xx

I appreciate your replies and will order the 123 Magic book.

I feel terrible that I have not fought for professional help earlier for him. I was actually terrified of him being labelled and assumed that was 'just how he is' and he would grow out of it. I now feel that I have failed him terribly. I also feel that we have missed out on the mother/son bond as he just drives me completely nuts and my patience gave up the ghost years ago .

I never knew that I could ask for a statement, I shall do that straight away. I thought the school had to do it if they thought it warranted it. I have asked them on numerous occasions if they had serious concerns about him (as they would more experience of this than I have) and always seemed to get the impression that they just thought of him as lazy and naughty.

I shall take him to the GP next week as well and demand an assessment.

Thanks all!

Hello,
Sorry to read about your little one. There is lots of information about ADHD being linked to Indoor Air Pollution even in classrooms which you may find helpful if you google it, so much choice of sites. Also CCHRINT.ORG is a must read concerning ADHD too, have you already discovered it? All the best
in your search for answers.

Yes, most of what you say screams 'ADHD' to me - the hyperactivity, the noises, the spinning, being forgetful, disorganised, boisterous, disruptive in class, poor short term memory/processing information. The other traits you talk about regarding co-ordination isn't as prominent in my son ... this sounds more like Dyspraxia - can he ride a bike? (My son is recently diagnosed ADHD and in yr3). I am shocked that his school have not encouraged you to seek a further referral via your GP. The fact that he is 'very behind at school' should be a warning sign that something is not right. His tantrums could be related to anxiety. It's very common for children with these behaviours to have low self esteem and confidence. They try so hard every day and probably get little positive feed back from teachers, peers or parents. My son describes his brain as 'very busy'. His confidence was at rock bottom a year ago, but thank god he moved schools and is now a different child. I know it;s hard, but try not to be on his case as much .. it puts a huge amount of stress on a young child. I really had to train myself to let the low level nonsense go over my head and concentrate on the 'bigger picture'. In my very humble opinion, I would take him back to your GP (can you see someone else at the practice?) and ask for a referral to a developmental pediatrician. Print out your post above to help you remember the points you make about his behaviour. I'm assuming his on the school's SEN register, so tell them this along with the fact that he is under achieving academically. If there is nothing to find, they will find nothing, iyswim. At least you would have done all you can. Good luck

Hi, My 9 year old is ADHD and so many of the things you have mentioned are very familiar. We finally managed to get him officially diagnosed last year. After much soul searching we asked for medication - he is now a much happier boy (we are all much happier). As you say his head was full all the time and he could not work out what which bits to deal with - the medication helps him (a lot) to concentrate on one thing at a time - his school work, writing, reading have all improved. He is a more pleasant child to be around and is beginning to make friends. The medication only works for so long and so once it wears off he can be much more of a handful than before - but it is for a more managable time and we all have more patience than before as we now it is only for a short time. The key is keep him busy - as much sport as possible (a trampoline is ideal - our son using it every day after school and just before bed), adhd children need as much sleep as possible - it really helps them - but most have trouble getting to sleep so physical activity helps them get tired. Also a quiet time (reading, drawing, jigsaw puzzles) at bedtime is a good idea. Positive praise for the slightest "normal" thing is a must - everything is of great effort for these children and so even the smallest thing is an achievement.
Good luck it is a daily struggle but it is not your fault nor can they help themselves much of the time - once you come to terms it is easier to deal!!