Referral has finally come through for DS - what will they ask me????

[skidd]

Have had some concerns about DS (3) for a while which I have posted about before e.g. here and a referral to the community paediatrician for an initial assessment has finally come through.

Any advice/suggestions about what they will ask, if I need to prepare, what to say to DS etc? Feeling a bit nervous about it... thanks

Well done on getting an appointment. I did prepare on our first visit with pages of concerns about DS, my brain always goes in situations like that. If you have it written down you can make sure it tell the paediatrician everything. My DS knew the childrens centre we went to so I just said we were going for a play. He did spend most of his time playing with things and quite enjoyed himself.

I felt very nervous like you but they are there to help you and you're doing the right thing to get him assessed. My DH would not come with me because at the time he would not accept there was any problem. My dad came with me and it was really useful because he remembered things she had said. So if you can take another adult it helps.

Good luck, I'm sure it will be fine. :)

Take your red book. That contains all the boring stuff like birth weight and vaccination dates.

They'll ask you lots about your child's early development. I find it easiest to bullet point on a timeline his key milestones, (weaning, sitting up, walking, talking single words, talking sentences etc) on a single sheet of A4, as I'm a bit scatty. They are usually pleased to see this as it reassures them your answers are accurate.

If I have the key milestones bullet pointed on a single sheet I'm better able to answer "odd questions". It prompts my memory and means I can answer the questions properly instead of turning into a mumbling wreck when put on the spot lol!

For the child it seems like a series of little games, they'll have some toys out for him to play with. My lad is always terrified and hyper but comes out having enjoyed himself.

thanks, that's really helpful. I don't think I remember a lot of the early milestones but I suppose a guess will have to suffice. If he had been my PFB I'm sure I would have it all keenly documented but as a neglected 2nd born I can hardly remember his birthday, let alone when he first walked

chuckyegg - my DH is also not convinced there is a a problem although he would come to the appt - however tbh I think I'd rather go without him as he will downplay any symptoms

Right off to start my timeline - thank you!

Skidd your DH sounds just like mine and I didn't really want him at the appointment but it really helps if you can get someone to go with you who can just listen. I found it difficult to remember everything that was said at the appointment and they filled in the gaps.

Good luck. xx

Skidd- My DP was exactly the same and has a tendancy to say some very odd things.
I took my best friend to the first appointment as her son is the same age as my youngest dd 3.8 (asd) she was able to help fill in gaps and talk confidently about the vast differences between them. She had also been around through the difficult times and remembered lots of things for me as I can become nervous around professionals.

I tried to twist her arm to come to the multi disciplinary but she pushed me to take DP and it was a good thing she did, spending a week participating and watching how they came to the diagnosis really helped him come to terms with DD's diagnosis of Autism. It helped him to understand that she wasn't just 'naughty' and that she couldn't help her behaviour.

Just sit close enough to him that you can give him asharpkickreassurance if needed.

ha ha I can't do the striking out!!!!

Mine also asked lots of development questions. Asked things like did he recognise emotions, did he flap (at which point ds decided to do it even though he NEVER does that . How he behaved at nursery and what his relationships were like with the other adults and children. I guess his questions may have been based around our main concerns though.

He already had a copy of some notes i had given the HV listing my concerns.

He wanted to see ds do things like kick a ball, catch a ball, build with bricks, do a pegboard, draw a face etc.

Of course they are not always willing to perform lol.

I've also typed up a list to bring to ds1's appointments a) as my brain turns to mush and i forget everything and b) because these appointments are often in small room with the child sitting on your knee and I'm not comfortable rhyming off a huge list of 'faults' with ds1 listening.

They generally ask to keep the list so there's copies of it in all his files and it seems to give them a much clearer overall picture of the problem to see all the issues, big and small, written down.

I go without dp as he generally has to stay home with the other dcs.... tbh I'm happy enough about that though as he tends to pick up on the wrong points and will start rambling about something insignificant while I can't get a word in edge ways about something that's actually quite important.

Hmmm I wonder if I should take a friend. TBH no-one seems to think he has a problem (so maybe he doesn't) except his pre-school teacher "understands my concerns". Everyone but everyone keeps telling me, 'oh all children do that', maybe it's because he's a middle child' (WTF??!), and 'oh he'll be FINE, he's so young' - I know they're trying to be nice but it is so frustrating, and makes me feel a bit foolish and as if I'm imagining it (maybe I am...)

hotmama - think that's a good plan - to go alone/with a friend for 1st appt, and then if he is referred on for full assessment, take DH

Interesting how many DPs/DHs have initially thought there was nothing wrong.

summerrain - yes I don't like the idea of listing off all his 'faults' in front of him either - already have a neverending comprehensive list of symptoms I can take

discobabe - how old was your DS when he was assessed? I don't think my DS will be able to do any of the ball kicking/ brick laying / face-drawing stuff

Skidd-we were fobbed of for months as dd presents as a very capable highly excitable little girl who will bound into a room annoucing 'hello everybody it's me i'm .
She also threw furniture and played with knives-screeched an ear piercing scream and frquently drove me mad.
I always knew there was something behind her behaviour.

Everyone of the specialists on the disciplinary weeks said without doubt she was Autistic.
I felt vailidated and wanted to to stick the diagnosis in all the doubters faces.

Go with your gut instinct

yes I can imagine wanting to stick a diagnosis into people's faces too , especially those that have told me it's middle child syndrome

Today i feel like I have made the whole thing up and he's absolutely fine - he played really well with another boy in his class yesterday and I wondered if I am mad thinking there is something wrong

Always best to get your concerns checked out if it turns out you were wrong then brilliant. xx

lol middle child syndrome they used the excuse slightly differently to me they said its because hes your 3rd DC and the youngest and blamed everything on his poor older brother n sister that hes imature because they obviously do everything for him , oh how many times i had to scream oh no they dont they are normal brothers n sisters they wont do anything at all for him if they can help it so quite the opposite

skidd... I had almost convinced myself it was all in my head with ds1 too. He coped fine in playschool and did a very good impersonation of a perfectly normal child most days. So I didn't ask for a referral and tried not to worry.

2 weeks after starting school his teacher called me in and asked me if he was dyspraxic... which was a shock as that's exactly what I always had a niggling suspicion about. He's waiting for referrals to OT, Paeds and Psyche now as someone else pointing it out to me was the kick i needed to acknowledge my own concerns.

Mothers are usually in the best position to notice any unusual behaviour in their children... just trust your instincts and explain what you've seen to the HCPs and see what they say

You're all right of course, I am doing the right thing as I have had niggling worries for over a year now. Thanks for reassurance

SummerRain - good luck with the referrals - great that you have the school behind you

Trying to do my development timeline and can;t remember anything