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What age does it become a bit easier taking the DCs out in public?

5 replies

FollowMe · 23/03/2011 17:44

I know all children are different, but wondered if anyone has DCs similar to my DS but a bit older has any words of wisdom to pass on?

DS1 is 5.5yo, he has Aspergers and I'd say he is fairly mild, he is getting on well at mainstream school for example.
A lot of aspects of his behaviour have become much easier to manage over time. He used to be terrible up to the age of about 4 with running off, literally all the time and escaping from nursery/anywhere we were at. Now he is a LOT more predictable and I trust him not to run off the majority of the time (unless we are in a very busy or very noisy place)

The thing I am struggling with now is when we have to sit still somewhere when we are out. If we are eating in a cafe, or if we are in the Drs waiting room or something like that.
My 3 yr old can sit beautifully and is easily kept amused with small toys and colouring and things like that.
DS1 seems to get so much worse in these situations, he cant sit still. He gets up and down, he is unable to be distracted, he throws things, flicks things, is noisy, touches other people and things he shouldnt.
It is really stressful eating out with him (even a quick sandwich in Tescos cafe) whereas with DS2, its actuallly enjoyable now, when its just the two of us we sit and chat and play and eat and its lovely. With DS1 its a big stress and other people always stare at us thinking what a badly behaved older child (he looks older than his age too)

DOES it get easier? Is it something that will just click (like the running off) and at some point he will be able to contain himself in the required situation and then let off the steam once its over?

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
bochead · 23/03/2011 18:02

My son had a leapster2 and I didn't realise how much it helped till it gave up the ghost. I'm saving for a nintendo ds thingy to replace it on his birthday. I've also just started using ear defenders, and they have made a world of difference as DS seems to be getting worse as he gets older in regards to noisy environments.

The DS is not the whole answer but sometimes you NEED them to sit still and shut up for 5 minutes, (doctor's surgery, my Godfather's nursing home for example). I think electronic games can distract them from whatever it is in the environment that is upsetting them. I used to keep the leapster for just these situations so DS didn't get addicted to electronic gaming as I'm a bit ideolologically opposed to the darn things, but it's definately as case of "needs must" sometimes.

EllenJane1 · 23/03/2011 23:08

I always avoided electronic games because I saw them to be a bit like a dummy for a large toddler. God knows why!? DS2 got an iPod touch when he was 10 and it's changed our life! Be kind to yourself and your other DC, see if a Nintendo DS helps.

DietcokeGirl · 24/03/2011 18:19

I am with boc and EJ on this. As much as I don't want to go down the ipod/ds route it is often essential if you need them to sit down for more than a minute! We are off on hols soon and have downloaded DS1's fave tv programmes onto ipod as we are going to try eating out a couple of times. We also used the ipod on a trip abroad (family event or wouldn't have gone otherwise!) and managed to get through a wedding and three meals out! I was on edge the whole time but DS1 was really quiet and munched his way thru a few treats, spag bol and plates of chips! We also took a bag of favourite things so started with a sticker book or thomas book then the ipod got us thru the final stretch. We haven't got a ds nintendo yet but will prob end up with one at some point.

Does your DS like ipod or gaming? You could take it out with you as a back-up and see if he is able to sit down for a short time. Maybe try family friendly Italians/local pubs/pizza places where there are other children and more accepting of noise/kids running around. I am saying this to you when I actually need to brave it myself!! Apart from holidays we only eat out as a family at playcentres!!

Niecie · 24/03/2011 18:26

Bribery is the way forward. I agree that if electronic gadgets help then take them with you. When DS could read, books and magazines also helped.

He is 10 now and the problem we have is that we are trying to wean him off them as he doesn't really need them (mild AS also) but of course he is used to it. I think you have to go through the pain of withdrawal of the bribes at some point but at least by 10 he is more settled and not inclined to run off or have a tantrum. Now he just whinges and moans but it is bearable and unless he gets loud, which he often does, other people don't tend to notice and if they do his behaviour is not so bizarre that there are raised eyebrows.......or maybe I have just grown a thicker skin!. Smile

Niecie · 24/03/2011 18:31

I would also say, if you go out to eat, for example, don't push your luck. Don't go anywhere there is going to be a big wait or where the food might not be to their liking. Try and be in an out as quickly as possible without feeling like you are rushing.

Of course the problem comes when you go somewhere and the service is unexpectedly slow.

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