Are speech delays caused by the parents?

[skydance]

Is a speech delay always caused by the parents? It seems to be a widely held belief - free nursery places on offer to some 2 year olds from low-income families to help with speech development, lots of children entering school from 'deprived backgrounds' with speech problems and I read a thread on here the other day with one poster saying that studies have been done and these speech delays are caused by the parents not talking to them enough and the child not being exposed to enough language (may have been an old thread actually, not sure as I have been searching).

Is every doctor, teacher, HV, speech therapist etc that I tell about DS speech delay actually thinking, 'ah ignored, not stimulated enough, doesn't talk to him, bad parent', I had to tell DS consultant the other day about DS speech delay (who he sees for other health issues) as he commented on the fact that DS never says a word (DS won't talk to, or in front of strangers) and I hated having to say it, thinking he would be judging, is this what everyone is thinking about me? Will he be thought of as slightly neglected by HCP?

I have also had a few comments recently implying that DS2s speech problems are down to me not talking to him, not spending enough time with him etc, both from people who do not actually know me and do not know DS and are certainly in no position to judge my parenting skills.

A little bit of background - my middle son of 3 children has a speech delay (I don't really know what the actual problem is, whether it's a delay or something else as he hasn't had any therapy yet, don't think we are ever going to see any to be honest), he's now 3 1/2 years old, and is improving but is still behind his peers by about 18 months.

I have 2 other children, my eldest didn't have any speech problems and was definately fluent by at least the age of 2.5 years old (I can remember him chattering away at that age as we went on holiday), my youngest is now 19 months old and has more words than DS2 did at the age of 2.10 years old, she will also have a full 'conversation' with you but all complete babble with the odd real word thrown in, DS didn't do this, he did babble a little, but not to the extent that DD does, DS did make noises but wasn't able to just copy any noises/words he would stare at my lips and try to get his in the same position, one day this suddenly changed and he could just copy what I was saying without having to think about it, that is when his speech started to take off .

What do other parents think, I didn't do anything different with DS2 to the others, I chattered away all day, we went out and about, did cooking/baking, playdough, painting, read books, nursery rhymes etc etc, so why does he struggle to speak, why can he not just pick it up easily like DD is doing and DS1 did, why is it so hard for him, is this my fault?

I doubt people think that. Do you think that when you see a child with speech delay?

Sorry waiting should have made it clearer, I don't think that at all, I have a DS with speech delay and don't feel that this is my fault, I have seen him struggle to speak and do feel there is a lot more to it than 'I didn't speak to him enough' but I just wondered really how others are judging.

Is the speech therapist thinking it for instance, 'oh here comes another one expecting me to sort out there child who they haven't bothered to stimulate'.

Just had quite a few comments recently so feeling a little sensitive about it all and have started not to mention it unless I have to.

Yes some speech delays are caused by lack of parent interaction - I know a child who was strapped in the buggy everyday in front of a particular video. The only words he learnt to say were repeated phrases from the video :(.
My sister is a SALT, some of her clients would come under that category.
However the key word in both those statements is some.

My middle son had a speech delay (he still has some speech oddities but I have no idea if they are age appropriate). His older and younger brothers were both speaking in long sentences before the age of 2. So I doubt very much that DS2s delay was down to lack of interaction.

When I took DS1 for OT, at the end of his first session, the OT said to me that it was very clear that we did loads to help him already, but equally clear that he had a big problem. I would imagine that SALTS would be able to work that one out too.

I'm not a speech therapist, so can't speak as one, but my son has a speech delay and it's not something Iv'e ever come across. I've certainly never felt that's what any salts he's seen have ever thought.

If it helps I have seen a definate pattern emerging, it's only the incompetent professionals who haven't bothered to read my son's notes who make that kind of assumption. Talking to other Mums with kids with all types of SEN's has reinforced that viewpoint.

I now just humour the ijeets, and let it wash off like water off a ducks back. They get to the reason for the meeting eventually In the meantime I use the red flag as clue my lad needs to be seeing someone who can do their job properly.

It's random "civilian" aquaintances or know s%d a&LL politicians soundbites that catch you off guard with hurtful comments as time goes on.

SALT didn't mention anything of the kind when DS presented with a speech delay. She just got us cracking on with practical stuff to help him learn to say the sounds he had missed out on and get them automatic in his speech.

My personal theory about my DS is he was so busy communicating with the world and talking he never bothered to practise the sounds he found a bit hard, he just skipped them and made himself understood in other ways. I trot this line out when people ( other mums generally) queried why he was doing SALT work,
By time he was assessed ( age 4.5) he was aware that people found him hard to understand and was very motivated to "learn how" to say the missing sounds.

6 months of hard work for him later and hes started school with no noticeable delay and his teachers and peers understand him ( and so do we), but we do occasionally have to remind him to finish words and say initial sounds.

Excuse the short post, i'm on my phone and typing is awkward.
My youngest of three is severely speech delayed. He never babbled and still at 2 has a very limited range of sounds. My elder two started talking before the were one and were chattering in sentances by 18 months. All three were equally stimulated... Ds2 was actually probably the most talked to as he had his older siblings chattering to him constantly as well. Ds2 is believed to have oral dyspraxia which is being compounded by tongue tie.
One of his SALTs actually told me 'he's one of the most obviously well stimulated and encouraged children i've treated. I see so many children who lack that but it very obviously isn't the case here' So based on that i'd say the answer to your question is; yes, sadly many children with speech delays lack parental stimulation but the experts can tell very easily if that applies and absolutely do not assume this to be the case in every situation.

I think some of the education and health issues which can impact children with SEN have been shown to have some correlation to issues associated with poverty, exclusion and deprivation ie low educational attainment, mental health issues, disability, unemployment, poverty, crime.

Politicians, academics and policy don't always adequately distinguish between the two. Perhaps because it is easier, cheaper not to. Or perhaps because sometimes the child with SEN and the child left in their buggy all day with no interaction require the same/similar services.

Thirteen years apart, one concerns children in need, one focuses on SEN, but the focus and aims are essentially the same.

SEN Green Paper 2011
www.education.gov.uk/publications/eOrderingDownload/Green-Paper-SEN.pdf
'Every child deserves a fair start in life, with the very best opportunity to succeed. At the moment, life chances for the approximately two million children in England identified with SEN or who are disabled are disproportionately poor. Young people with SEN are twice as likely not to be in education, employment or training,and many young people with complex support needs find it hard to make a successful transition from school to an adult life with work, friendships, good health and independence'.

Framework for the Assessment of Children in Need and their Families 1998
www.dh.gov.uk/prod_consum_dh/groups/dh_digitalassets/@dh/@en/documents/digitalasset/dh_4014430.pdf
The Government is committed to ending child poverty, tackling social exclusion and promoting the welfare of all children ? so that they can thrive and have the opportunity to fulfil their potential as citizens throughout their lives... and a range of policies to support families, promote educational attainment, reduce truancy and school exclusion and secure a future for all young people in education, employment or training. They all aim to ensure that children and families most at risk of social exclusion have every opportunity to build successful, independent lives.

I think I would echo bochead the informed professionals do not think that automatically.

I did have the school we were looking at (obviously dh not going there now! ) ask the SLT if ds's speech had been delayed by his signing? Bless her she did do quite a theatrical sigh before answering in the negative.

I also had a (useless and in other ways shockingly unprofessional) psychiatrist say that ds was 'taking the easy way out' by signing instead of speaking, (like he had a choice at the time...arghhhhh!!!) . Due to the other appalling issues with him I refused to ever see him again.

but the good ones, who read the reports and take time to meet ds and to see him in action with us all 'get' it.

I dont think for a second speech delay is caused by parents. Or i'd be in serious trouble. I have 3 ds, 1 age 12, 1 age 10 with severe autism, 1 aged 8. Whilst the 12 yr old and 8 yr old have been talking for as long as i can remember, with no problems whatsoever, my ds age 10 cant say 1 single word. We obviously try continuosly and talk to him, read to him etc. It is down to his disability not my bad parenting or his background.

Thanks everyone I am so pleased to hear that you do not feel that it is always down to bad parenting, I felt like a pretty crappy parent after reading the thread on here the other day.

signandsmile DS does use some makaton, I have had negative comments about this as well, the SLT, who we saw for a short assesment, seemed pleased when he started signing to her and confirmed that it can in fact help language development.

It's random "civilian" aquaintances or know s%d a&LL politicians soundbites that catch you off guard with hurtful comments as time goes on.

That is exactly what I have found, anyone that actually knows us doesn't hold the same opinion and there are some family members would not be shy in saying so if they thought that this was down to me.

Some smug woman the other day at playgroup informed me that I should sing nursery rhymes to him as they are good for language development, wow really why didn't I think of that

I will continue as I was then and ignore, ignore the ignorant comments.

skydance.... if I had a euro for every time someone (including family) told me 'He's just lazy', 'It'll come in it's own time', 'Some children just take a while longer', 'The others are probably talking for him' or variations on that theme I'd be a very rich woman. I guess they all know better than the team of paediatricians, SALTs, public health nurses, ENT surgeons and sign language teacher then

My dad announced to me last week 'There's nothing wrong with him at all, he's perfectly able but just can't be bothered. That child doesn't have autism'.......... erm, nobody ever suggested he did and as for not being bothered, does that mean he was just being lazy when he was choking on liquids as a baby and couldn't manage to keep food in his mouth then? Oh well, now that I've been told by the expert I'll just call off the SALTS and cancel his surgery then... thanks Dad

I had to laugh about your dad SummerRain - it reminded me of something i said to the SALT once about my own DS
All 3 of my DS have needed SLT - possibly genetic link (?) - but for very different reasons.
DS1 - dx dyspraxia, /Aspergers at the time of SLT - they were querying oral dyspraxia. He still has issues with gender, mispronunciation etc - but was discharged a long time ago.
DS3 - has swallowing issues, mildly delayed speech, but then hey, if you're not using your muscles to chew and swallow - because you physically can't - they are not going to be as mature as those that can. He has also been discharged as he is now referred to GOSH
DS2 - i've always had a sneaky suspicion that he would just miss being on the spectrum. Not enough traits to get anyone too concerned. When he was in pre-school though, they were concerned at his lack of communication. We went to SALT and he decided he was not very interested in what was going on.
He says what he has to say, doesn't exude and effuse about anything that he is not interested in. I did have to tell her that unfortunately he was not communicative that afternoon as he was not very interested in putting a doll in bed, brushing her hair or having a pretend tea party. He is socially lazy and can't always be bothered to communicate if there's nothing in it for him. He is just like my DS. Who, by the way, feels that minimal communication to get what you want is effective and more highly evolved than idle chatter (me!)

lol.... funnily enough your boy sounds like my father! My Dad can be painfully uncommunicative at times and is quite happy to sit in silence while I chatter at him so I can see why he's like to think ds2 is like him. Unfortunately despite his opinion ds2 is the noisiest of my three children and desperately wants to communicate with us so that theory is out the window!

skydance I have a couple of lovely references of research, which I use to shame people who make stupid comments re signing, (i don't mean random people I mean professionals who should know better.)

"That's interesting, so much reseach over the last 20 yrs or so makes the point that signing is beneficial in the development of language. I'd be really interested in reading the research you are basing that on, who did it? "

(tounge firmly in cheek emoticon).

Yes, it's such a shame that people often misguidedly presume signing inhibits speech and language development when there is a wealth of research that firmly suggests otherwise.

if I had a euro for every time someone (including family) told me 'He's just lazy', 'It'll come in it's own time', 'Some children just take a while longer', 'The others are probably talking for him'

that all sounds very familiar summerrain

"That's interesting, so much reseach over the last 20 yrs or so makes the point that signing is beneficial in the development of language. I'd be really interested in reading the research you are basing that on, who did it?"

signandsmile I'm making a note of that one

I'd be incredibly surprised if any speech therapist immediately jumps to the conclusion that the parent doesn't interact with their child - we are not trained to think that way, research doesn't support that point of view, and it's contrary to a lot of our clinical experience.

butterfly it's very reassuring hearing this from a SLT

thanks again everyone, really interesting to read others opinions and stories, me and DS had a lovely time today with a much more positive me.

ds is my youngest of 4 and the others never shut up and neither does ds but it makes no sense and ye si had people say well im sure its to do with tv or did you talk to him and you can see the look on some so calle dproffesionals when they learn im Sp going ah

Yet Ds3 has severe verbal and oral dyspraxia and while hi sunderstanding is good he can not pysically make the sounds even his therpaist in s&l unit is struggling hes had 2hrs of direct therpahy every week since September in a language unit also his teahcer and lsa specially trained .And they have commented on how his muscles will not move

Hi there,
I know this is an extremely old thread but I was hoping you might be able to tell me what happened with your 2 year old (now 12/13 year old!) and their speech? My little boy is 2 and sounds exactly like your son. I would be SO grateful if you could reach out to me? Thank you! Kate