DS with Aspergers, need help to stop him lashing out.

[angrymomma]

DS has Aspergers and is pretty much okay during lessons. But he cannot seem to control himself during breaktimes where he is outside playing with the other children.

His class teacher really seems to like DS and wants to help as much as possible. He hates having to remove DS from playtimes, but doesn't know what other action to take when DS lashes out and hits other children when he doesn't get his own way in games etc.

Does anyone have any advice that I could pass on to teacher regarding this. We have tried the traffic light system but it does not seem to be working.

Can the school do circle of friends, social stories about how to behave in the playground, provide a smaller area with some peers which is quieter and less noisy/busy, provide a calm down area and remind him of the rules before playtime about keeping his hands and feet to himself?
Sounds like he is maybe overstimulated by the noise and activity/size of the playground and finds it difficult to control himself as a result?

this sounds a lot like my DS. he was and still is having these kids of issues all through the day, but worse at play times.

they sugested a good behaviour chart, and i suggested having one which had EVERY period. so 7 smily faces a day. that incuded break times and lunch times.

it worked, we still have incidences but compared to what he was like, he has improved so much. i dont know if it was the keeping people happy thing, or what, but i know it wasnt the actual act of geting a "reward" of a smily face. whatever, hehe.

good ideas from wasuup tho. might sugest some of them if things get bad again thanks xx

Not sure how old your son is but my now 7 year old has always strugged with breaktimes - it's unstructured, quite often not supervised very well and with lots of children making a lot of noise and invading his personal space .... it's just been a nightmare.

What has helped is the school employing a buddy system. A few of the children in year 6 were allocated to him to play with him and just basically keep an eye on him during breaktimes.

Now his 1-1 fulfils that role - from a distance usually so that he can still play but she's there for when things go pear shaped.

Now that DS1 is 9 he has discovered the joys of taking things into school - about the age of 6/7 they discover go-go's, pokemon cards etc.. These allow them to build relationships with other kids who also find things difficult in the playground.

Of course there are other pitfalls where people want to take back swaps.. which can end in disharmony.

Thankyou for the advice.
Really bad day today as school phoned this lunchtime and asked us to take DS home as there had been 5 sep incidents in one morning alone, he actually grabbed a girl round the neck and then kicked a boy in the head playing football.

Headmaster says he does not know how we cope with him...we love him so we cope, you idioit!!!

Wish it was as simple as a reward chart though. Sometimes it feels as though the school just want rid of him. Head also at great pains to point out to us that any other school would have thrown him out by now.

Feel sad, and am dreading tomorrow as the parents of his 'victims' will no doubt launch a verbal attack on us (this has happened before).

Would love to think that this will all change as he gets older.

You do know that school are not allowed to just call you and ask you to pick him up? You are quite within your rights to refuse to do so. And the problem is the more you agree to just go and pick him up the less school are going to do to help him - and themselves! Far easier to let mum come in and sort it out for them. What they're doing is actually illegal.

Hm, do I sound a little cynical??

It may mean that your child has an exclusion but schools are very reluctant to do this as it shows up in their Ofsted reports. What it does is encourage them to develop strategies to manage a child's behaviour. They're in loco parentis while he's school - they have to find a way to manage his behaviour.

If your son isn't coping with playtimes then is there something else he can do? Maybe spend a little time in the office with the secretaries 'helping' them?

Mmmm, didn't know that re asking us to fetch him home.

We did suggest that he lose some of his breaks but, as Head pointed out, although that would save other children from being hurt by his aggression, it would also mean that DS would not be 'learning' how to socialise with other children if he was kept indoors.
I can see their point.

But what are they doing to 'teach' him to socialise? Just leaving him to it isn't really teaching him anything.

My son is now in a PRU because his school simply couldn't cope with his behaviour. He's now in a class of 7 with one teacher and one PA and he's coping far better, although clearly being in a PRU isn't ideal.

They are, though, actively teaching him to get along with other children - gradually introducing him to one child at a time, allowing them to play alongside each other (sort of toddlerish behaviour really) but taking a softly, softly approach. And he's made a friend ... for pretty much the first time.

I think what your son's school is doing is taking the easy way out and not actually managing his behaviour themselves.

Agree with walesblackbird.

Informal exclusions are illegal and you should point this out to the Head. Don't be intimidated by threats, my ds's school are forever saying the same thing.

They have a responsibility of care to your ds. Is he on SA/SA+/have a statement? They should be doing a lot more than they are to help him.

What agencies have they got involved?

Sorry, lots of questions, but I feel angry on your behalf and I know how you feel. There is an assumption that it is about the behaviour. The behaviour is the result of something going wrong for your ds. The school need to find out the cause.

I totally agree. It seems as though every little misdemeanour is being blown up out of all proportion. One of the incidents today were that a girl sitting opposite DS had repeatedly pushed a book at him. DS kept pushing it back to her but when she refused to stop he pushed the book harder and it hurt her finger. Why was she allowed to do this in the first place when the teacher is well aware that DS is very easily wound up?

He had to sit out Netball Clud a few weeks ago as he had lost it again after another child called him stupid.
Admittedly he was wrong to lash out and was rightfully removed from the game.
However, the following day as he was eating his lunch he said that the Head walked up to him, put his face right in DS's face and said "I'm not happy with you at all". I felt this was wrong and there really is an almost palpable feeling od intense dislike coming from the Head. This seems to be growing throughout the staff too, and I am starting to feel really uncomfortable with any of the teachers there now.

It just feels like the other parents want him out, and now so do the staff....or am I just being too sensitive?

Lambskin, there is a Family Resource Worker involved who was introduced at the request of the Head.

She has been visiting DS at school and home, but seems to have lost interest in home visits recently as we have heard nothing from her for a couple of months.

She plays games with DS at school and tries to get him to open up to her by using a box with notelets inside that DS can write his feelings down on.

Even his class teacher does not know what exactly it is she does. He asked me last night at Parent's evening what she does so there is obviously a lack of communication going on between the teachers and the Head.

What about the EP? Is he known to CAMHS?

If the school are really concerned about his behaviour there are a lot more agencies they can get help and advice from. Could you request a meeting with the Head and the SENCo?

My ds has been assessed and observed in the classroom and in the playground by at least 3 separate agencies and clinically assessed by CAMHS. They are all in conversation with the school and I can phone them if the school does or says anything alarming - i.e. threaten exclusion. It is their job to sort this out that's what they are paid for.

I don't know if it is the same for your area, but my ds has:
EP
Clinical Psychologist
Specialist Teacher from Integrated Services

We are lucky each one of them is lovely and extremely knowledgeable. You can also contact Parent Partnership or Partnership for Parents who will go to a meeting with you and can give advice about what you and you ds are entitled to as regards help from the school. They could implement a PSP for example.

I am certainly no expert, I can only tell you what I know from my experience, but you are entitled to a lot more help than you are getting.

Sorry I haven't written this very well, bit early for clear thinking!

The school are showing a huge lack of awareness and willingness to help. I do know, I have been there and to say that I'm not exactly popular with my son's school would be something of an understatement. I'm a thorn in their side but that's just tough really - I'm doing my best for my traumatised child and they can like it or do the other. But they have obligations that I expect them to meet.

Has your son been assessed by EP? If not then he should have been. Does he have a statement - if not then you don't have to wait for school to apply for one. You can do that yourself. Ipsea and SOS/SEN are good for that. Parent Partnerships can also start you off in the right direction.

The scenario you talked about is one which I recognise well. More often that not my son is caught retaliating to something which has been done to him but which no-one notices. I have complained about that so many times - eventually one teacher noticed it for herself and now that watch him more closely. The other thing to watch is other children winding him up and encouraging him to misbehave - and then standing back and watching the results. Children are very quick to learn who to pick on!

Presumably if your son has Aspergers then he will be under CAMHS. Would it be possible for someone to come from CAMHS to school to explain it to them. Teachers invariably are more prepared to listen to a fellow professional than a mere parent - even when they say the same thing.

Thorn in their side, yes, I can relate to that.

DS has EP, SENCO, and Family Resource Worker.

I actually initiated all this by taking DS to GP last summer as I was tired of the school just complaining.
The only thing they tried to do differently was stick him on a table on his own at the back of the classroom.

Think my main problem is that I tend to just apologise all the time instead of standing up to them, IYKWIM.

Will look into Parent Partnership npw.