Really need your help!

[Ineedalife]

Hi everyone, we have been to look at another school for Dd3 today. It ticked loads of boxes.

We were shown round by the admissions officer, who seemed well informed but said she would always recomend that parents try to repair communication links with their child's current school before they rush into a move.
Fair comment.

The HT came into the corridor to chat and we told him a few of the things that have been going on with Dd3 such as the CAMHS assessments and current school not acknowledgeing her issues.

He took our phone number and said he would ask the SENCO to phone me. He talked about some strategies that are already being used within the school and made all the right noises.

OK you say it sounds perfect so why do I need your help.

They said if we want to move her we need to do it straight away, as in after easter because although there is a place in yr 3 at the moment the LA wouuld not keep it open until September which was when we were thinking of moving her.

If we move her now she will have to move classes again in September.

She has big problems with transitions and so far has wasted around 2 terms of her schooling just because it has taken her soo long to settle.

If you have read this far, thankyou and please share your thoughts I really need some help!!

Hmmm? I guess some upset is inevitable, but if moving her is the best option then I think you should go with the disruption now, if you are sure it will mean a better environment in the long run. If the new school are really a big improvement then hopefully they will have some strategies worked out with you to minimise the change. Changing again in Sept is a shame, but again the school know your DD better by then and should be working with her to make the transition smooth. You need to talk to the new Senco about this. Don't let the problem of transition get bigger than the improvement in the long term from the better environment.

Obviously it's your call, will the improved environment for the rest of your DD's primary years be worth the short term upset?

The new school seems to be much more focused on the whole child, one of the problems with her current school is that the HT/SENCO believes that because DD3 is doing well academically then everything is fine.

The other main problem is that she has no respect for us as parents and has lied to me on several occassions.

The HT at the new school said that based on the evidence from the SALT and OT they would look at ways of meeting her needs even without a DX.

The trouble is that the spring term is the best term for DD3 because she knows what the teacher expects of her and she has adjusted to her new room and everything , so if I tell her we are going to move her I know she will go ballistic.

Why will she need to move again in Sep? Is it an infant school? Will you want her to go to the attached Junior School?

If it is an attached infant / junior school, then don't think of it as moving school twice. The transition between them is very seamless.

As for the other - well we put off moving DS for 2 terms because he was adamant he didn't want to move. I totally regret not moving him earlier. The other school was useless. We just wasted 2 precious terms by listening to him instead of our own judgement....

But if you miss out on this school otherwise then you'll just have to do the tough love thing. One term is nothing in the long run.

Not another school move indigo just to a new teacher and room.

Tbh I think it would be handled differently anyway compared with what we are used to.

You are right of course about regretting not moving , I am already regretting not doing it last year or the year before.

My problem is not that she will say she doesn't want to go but that she atually won't cope with it.

She is a really worrier and one of her obssessions is knowing everybody's name, it helps her to cope and of course if she moves to the new school she will only know about 3 people.

I moved my DS after 1 term of a new year - the difference 2 terms made at the new school was immense.
I would say that after the long summer holiday, any move to a new class is going to be tough anyway. At least in the 1 term she can perhaps get used to where to lunch, the playground and toilets etc, so that it would not come as a complete shock in september.
Perhaps look at the Summer term as settling into a new environment and getting a working relationship with the school, so that september is a breeze.
Regardless of when she starts, the new school will have to do their own assessment of her and her needs, so that in itself will take some time. At least if you can come to some agreement with iep, etc, you can hit the road running in september

You are all helping me sooo much, we have been having an awful time with her school and I really want to move her, it is just such a massive step. Especially with our DC's who are rule and routine bound.

I think the idea of using the summer term to settle her in is fab, I will talk to DP later and make a list of questions to ask the SENCO when she phones.

Thanks everyone, you have come up trumps as usual.

I knew this was the place to ask, this forum is my refuge when all around me the shit is hitting the fan.

I welcome any other ideas/thoughts anyone has to help me take this step.

i definitely agree with doing the move now. My DD doesn't cope with change but we ended up moving three weeks before the summer to a new school who were fantastically supportive. We were concerned at the time, but it all worked well and having a few weeks at the school before the summer holidays meant she'd met her classmates and had a few weeks of new school routine. It also went some way to aleviating a big emotional build up over the summer holidays.

Best of luck.

Good to hear your story newlife... I haven't spoken to the SENCO yet but having had a sleepless night last night and then speaking to some family members today i am moving more towards moving her, just not sure whether to do it after easter or risk it until whitsun.

I will make a decision when I have spoken to the SENCO I think.

Our DS was desperately unhappy at Junior School and we didn't move him because it was our local school and he could walk there, because he had two friends etc. Looking back I wish we had taken the plunge and maybe instead of being labelled a naughty boy in a school which actively said it was a school for "good" children he would have got a diagnosis sooner and been happier.
Go with your gut feeling.

can the new school offer visits before easter? that way your dd can get used to the layout of the building and ppls names etc,

Definitely move her, from what you have described. The new school will handle to transition between year groups, if they are a good school, which it sounds like they are, they will handle it well.

And don't be fobbed off by "she would always recomend that parents try to repair communication links with their child's current school before they rush into a move." If a school isn't doing a good enough job the parents should vote with their feet, and not be afraid to do so, how many chances do we need to give a school to meet the needs of the children they teach?

I have a fairly robust position on this at the moment, I moved my non sn dd1 last week due to dreadful teaching, having to leave my ds with sn in the school because the LA are dragging their feet over finding him a place at a DDA compliant school. ARGHHH!

I have an appointment with the SENCO at the new school on friday and she is going to tell me how many places are available in Dd3's yr group. That knowledge will make the decision for me I think.

I have spoken to the area early years senco too and although Dd3 is not in early years I respect her opinion. She says the possible new school is proactive and would respect my veiws as a parent!!

I moved Dd1 when she was in yr one and made a big mistake with my choice of schools and ended up having to move her again in yr 5. I think this is making me nervous but I also think it is wise not to rush into anything.

Sparkle ... I hope your Dd is happy in her new school and that they sort your Ds a place out quickly.