Explaining autism to classmates.

[chuckeyegg]

My DS is at Nursery and went in today with him and I heard a group of them saying, "Oh no it's M..." I was quite upset at the time but didn't talk to the teacher as I wanted to mull over what todo. I'm wondering if his autism should be explained to them so they can understand why he sometimes behaves differently. Perhaps a better understanding will bring with some tolerance.

He has an autism advisor who goes into the school occassionally so will speak to her. I've been looking at books from NAS that are aimed at children but I would appreciate your advise.

Poor you- I think that is high on the list of every mums nightmare, to hear their child being excluded/rejected, SN or not..

What is he like at nursery, what kind of behaviours are the other kids seeing to be saying these things?

i thought the same and had same experience im sure a lot of us have but i found when first school tried this and then again in middle they were still too young to understand or really be interested which is very upsetting, but they can try chatting about peoples differences and everyone being special angle couldnt they

Poor you, horrid to hear.

But tbh I would be pretty surprised if at nursery age (so I guess 4 at the oldest) children would really notice differences - it's possible the comment you heard really had nothing to do with his asd-behaviour, just a one-off comment from some children who he doesn't play with anyway? Friendship groups don't really develop at this age, children flit around all the time, and not old enough to understand why someone would behave differently.

However, worth talking to the staff. What support does he get there? Are they doing anything to develop friendship groups or promote peer interaction?

I had a similar experience last week when I dropped DS1 (3.7, ASC) at nursery. One of the boys ran up to me and said 'DS1 is naughty'. I was in tears on the way home and in a panic. This happened a couple of weeks before. I spoke to his keyworker and she said some of the children sometimes comment when DS1 is laid on the floor, won't come in from playtime etc and she just says it takes him longer because he doesn't always understand the instructions etc. She also said that all the children are going thru a phase of calling each other naughty, telling parents their DC's are naughty etc.

I got some good advice on here and have decided to leave things for now. The children are young and I don't want to confuse/upset them. They genuinely seem to like DS1 and try to include him. He is not disruptive or aggressive so I don't think his behaviours are affecting them. I am going to wait until he starts school and the children are a bit older until I ask autism support to step in.

I would speak to the staff just to get an idea if anything specific sparked this reaction to your DS or whether it is just a one-off comment.

Hopefully some more advice will be along soon from more experienced MNetters..

I actually responded to dietcokegirl last week as my DS had a similar problem. I'm on my phone so can't link but someone may be able to link to that thread. In short the Autism advisory teacher came in to school in y1 to give the classmates an age appropriate talk on visible and invisible disabilities etc. This worked really well and class became very tolerant. Someone else on the thread had an idea about how to handle it at nursery age which looked very sensible. Can't remember it now but it's worth finding dietcokegirl's thread.

Thank you very much for your replies. It happened again this morning and it's one particular girl who is saying this. I have always thought she was very sweet, her mother has always been really off with me I think because of DS autism.

Possibly she has said something to her DD to prompt this behaviour. DS prefers to be alone at Nursery and engrosses himself in the water play when he gets there.

DS behaviour does not stand out that much he doesn't really talk at nursery and he can't be kept still during circle time. He just behaves a bit defferently to the others.

If stressed and in very close proximatey to others he has lashed out but this is very rare now. The nursery staff understand how to bring his anxiety down with water play or on the computer.

I just had a quick word with the teacher and will keep a close eye on things.

Thanks again for all your replies.

My DS 3.6 with ASD and severe speech and language problems is just starting at mainstream nursery in the afternoons with 1:1 support. At the moment he is just going for the last half an hour each day with me there to supervise him - (we are waiting for his statement to come through and for changing facilities to be installed!).
I have noticed some of the other children are puzzled by his behaviour especially when they talk to him and he ignores them or when he gets up and walks off to do his own thing during story time.
I am very open about his difficulties and have always explained to his older sister(5) that DS has to have help to learn and does things in a different way because he was born with a condition called autism which makes his brain think in a different way to her and us.
I have asked the teacher to explain to the class that Mark is different - I don't want them to label him as "the naughty boy". Children are very accepting at this young age and I would prefer children to go home and say they have a boy in their class who is autistic and does strange things rather than think he is naughty.

I agree that children are very accepting, and until they have (learnt) conceptions about what behaviour 'should' be like, I think differences like not responding to being spoken to, playing a bit longer in water tray than others, etc, really wouldn't be noticed by the others - and if it was, I'd be really surprised if it was noticed in a negative way.

This particular little girl might be a bit of a queen bee? (There's often one!) Her mother sounds appalling if she really is off with you becuase of ds's asd.

The only thing I would do tbh is speak to the staff about ensuring that they are doing everything they can to encourage ds to participate. For his own good though, not just so he 'fits in'. And to ask that they do some group work on inclusion etc (without necessarily going into detail about actual conditions, which would be over their heads anyway). Our nursery does lots of group work generally on social behaviour, recognising how others are feeling and what to do about it.

There will be ignorant parents and there is not much you can do about that, but you can stop the children being ignorant by asking for them to be educated about autism

I always find these threads difficult as DS1 used to refer to the two SN kids in his class in reception as naughty - which to him they were, as they did not follow the rules and the teacher had not explained why different rules applied. He is a very sensitive boy and hates being told off so he avoided these children as he did not want to get told off. He even refused to invite them to his party. In the end I had it out with the teacher and said I had to tell him about their SN as whilst it was obvious to an adult, it was not obvious to my DS that they were different - and their disabilities were not that invisible one was in a wheelchair - and whilst I felt I did not have permission to disclose their SN to my child equally I could not have him growing up to be a bigot. The teacher did not have consent from the parents to talk about it with the children so just had to say things like 'well X finds it harder to follow the rules than you". In the end I just had to sit him down and explain, but I felt uncomfortable as I did not want these children to hear my son talk about it in the playground and whilst I asked him not to there is no guarantee with a 4 year old.

Then DS3(ASD) came along and we talk about it very openly - again DS1 and DS2 barely noticed for the first 2 years he was different, its actually amazing what kids miss. And now DS1 and DS2 are both great and more informed about SN than anyone.

I do think its better to be open and talk to the other children properly. The children wont be thinking he's different because he has autism, they will be thinking he's naughty because eg he does not sit still at carpet time, he talks over the teacher etc. If you teach the children about autism you give them the opportunity to understand - most of them wont even think twice about it but will just accept it - but if you keep information from them they will fill the space with their own ideas about why your DS is different. Education is a very powerful tool against ignorance.

My own experience about ignorant parents is that almost without fail their children are usually worse behaved than yours!

imho nursery are a bit young to be taught much about autism as such - that's better to do when they get to school. Having said that, the nursery could be looking at how we are all different, good at different things, and that we all need time to work out what we are doing next and some of us take longer to 'think about' it. These are the sorts of terms we've used. I'd personally be a bit more concerned that they are using a suitable communication system for him and giving him enough warning of changes and transitions - which is clearly an issue for him (as it would be with practically all children who have ASD) He might need a bit longer to understand his 'now/next' than they are giving him, or they're not doing it consistently. This kind of stuff will give him a much more level playing field as it were. They may even find that other children are helping to cue him to help tidy up and whatever their transition routines are. The better he is supported in these, the more progress he'll make.

And have a ((hug)), OP. Don't worry over what nursery age kids say - as others have said, they are at an age where they seem to want to get everyone in 'trouble' SN or not.