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SN children

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Original poster

Would you....?

16 replies

PeachyClairPumpkinPie · 25/10/2005 17:06

I know this has been discussed before, but if you were shopping and an older (50?) lady turned towards your son (admittedly making odd noises and seeming a bit odd) and shook her head at him, then did the same to you, would you confront her with your diagnosis? I wanted to, DH wouldn't let me.

OP posts:

Davros · 25/10/2005 17:12

Depends on my mood and how far DS might have got by the time I'd finished her off!

MorticiaMerlot · 25/10/2005 20:37

MMmm - I think I would be sorely tempted!

I think it depends who I was with, whether my ds1 was with us and whether I wanted to downplay it or felt that it needed `dealing with'

Blossomhowl · 25/10/2005 22:01

How about getting some of those cards from the NAS that say something like "please be patient my child is not naughty, they are autistic (sorry about wording as forgotten exact wording". At least that way you won't have to say anything and the stupid old bat can hopefully feel bad about what she has done.

Why are people so unaccepting of anyone different? makes my blood boil!

Chocol8 · 25/10/2005 22:04

Depending on my mood, I most certainly would! I have done it in the past and would do it again. Some people need educating about SN.

macwoozy · 25/10/2005 22:20

I'd like to think I would, but in reality I very seldom do. The shaking of the head would seriously annoy me though.

bakabat · 25/10/2005 22:22

I would quite happily have emptied a bucket of sewage over her head (had this from a dad of young children on a ferry- but I was too busy dealing with ds1 to say anything to him- would have quite merrily let rip though). Unfortunately I think the people who do this are too ignorant to take much on board if you confront them so I don't bother. I just try to make sure they don't ruin my day.

soapbox · 25/10/2005 22:24

Sorry to butt in - but I wouldn't demean yourself by trying to explain anything about your child to such a sanctimonium old cow!

I think a good poke in the eye would have been better myself!

eidsvold · 26/10/2005 03:42

My dd1 loves to talk to people and say hellp - and if they ignore her she touches them - simply to get their attention. Most say hello although I have had some recoil in horror whilst looking at her. At that point - I just say - never mind darling some people's mummy's forgot to teach them manners. Or words to that effect. If she is going off on one - I usually focus on her and ignore the stares etc.... I almost wanted to cry when one older lady came over when dd1 was not coping with waiting at the post office and smiled and said - yes it is hard when we have to wait and made a real effort to engage dd1 - boy did that make it a little easier.

For old bags like the one you encountered.. I would have done the stage whisper about how some people's parent's obviously forgot to teach them it is rude to stare. Or I second the poke in the eye - or simply tsk at her and shake your head. TBH I have been tempted to do the - what are you looking at?? Or do you have a problem?? Always putting it back on them rather than making a big deal about my child and her sn. I am lucky though as dd1 wears her sn on her face given that she has down syndrome.

KarenThirl · 26/10/2005 07:23

I'd have asked (politely, of course) if there was a problem, perhaps even asked if my son had done anything to upset her. That would put her on the spot and she'd have to either back down or air her grievance in words rather than disapproving snorts. Then I'd let rip. There's no way I'd have let her walk out of the shop feeling superior.

r3dh3d · 26/10/2005 10:07

I was on a train (going from slovakia to hungary, of all things) some years ago and met an American family with their teenage son. He was (in NT terms) very rude to me, and I was a bit huffy with him till his family gently explained he had Autism.

I think they handled it really well; in retrospect I'm not sure how I handled it. Was I being judgemental? It never occured to me for a moment that he was different in any way - is it wrong to think that if someone is rude to you, it is because they are being - well, rude? Obviously I was ignorant in the sense that at that time I didn't know anything about Autism so could not have guessed he had the condition. Was I being "ignorant" in the way we usually mean it, though?

Now that Helena appears to have Autism too, I have no idea how I am going to handle the same situation when it happens to us. I hope I can be as understanding as that family on the train.

doormat · 26/10/2005 10:10

sorry but I would of told her to take a picture it lasts longer
and then called her a nosey old bag

I think we have enough problems without having to explain everything.

RnBlood · 26/10/2005 10:37

tbh depending on my mood/day I would say anything from nothing to 'fuck off you old bag, he's severely autistic'.

But maybe thats just me

PeachyClairBingoBabe · 26/10/2005 16:25

I WISH I had said something, Sam used to wear a badge saying something like 'This is Autism... I am doing the best I can'.

The trouble with Sam I guess (That makes it sound his fault LOL) is that he looks NT and speaks very intelligently, as do many Aspergers if not all.

pixel · 26/10/2005 16:45

If it was impossible to ignore the old 'dear' then I think I would rather explain his behaviour than just make a rude remark because I wouldn't want her to feel even more superior. I could just imagine her thinking "well, if that's the way the mother talks, is it any wonder the boy is a tearaway?" I don't mind people knowing he is disabled, it's nothing to be ashamed of, but I would hate people to think he is a brat.

Mind you, I would have to notice the woman first. I'm usually too harassed to worry about what other people are thinking!

Davros · 26/10/2005 20:41

I agree Pixel, I would often give some simple explanation in a taut yet controlled voice. Now and then I have told people to F Off, not usually old folk, but in my fantasies......!! I just bought some badges at the NAS conference that say "I'm not naughty, I've got autism" but DS is very unlikely to wear a badge, thought I'd get them to show other parents. He does have an NAS staff t-shirt and a TreeHouse t-shirt and that gives people a very good clue.

anniebear · 26/10/2005 21:27

Would have given her a really dirty look then gone home and though of all the 100's things I wished I had said!!!

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