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SN children

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Original poster

Kicked out of football cos of ASD - how do we tell him?

24 replies

seriouscaffeineaddict · 16/03/2011 20:54

We have been asked to withdraw 7 year old ASD ds from village football club because he isn't any good. It's true, he isn't, but he thinks he is great and really enjoys it. Any tips on how we break the news to him? Do we tell him he wasn't good enough, or try to find some sort of lie?

OP posts:

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 16/03/2011 20:56

I'm not sure they should be allowed to ask you to withdraw him

Goblinchild · 16/03/2011 20:57

have they excluded NT children who weren't good enough at football?

EllenJane1 · 16/03/2011 21:01

That seems really harsh. I'd take it up with them, they may not realise the impact it'll have. Is that normal just to sack children? Don't they have a b team, or a b team in training?

If there's no other way I'd soften it for him with a little white lie. I would for any child tbh.

chocjunkie · 16/03/2011 21:04

because of ASD? this is outrageous. also, would have thought that they can't do this!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 16/03/2011 21:05

It is just appalling IMO

brandy77 · 16/03/2011 21:54

thats well out of order! Your poor poor boy. You will feel paranoid attending there now as there will no doubt be whispers along the side lines. My first reaction was to tell you to go down then and play merry hell about discriminating against disabled kids but it will cause YOU to much upset. Id definitely lie to your son and make something up, like the team is folding because the managers got to leave or something. Terribly upsetting for you . Is there a special needs team? There is a really large special needs team for footie where i live, they travel for matches and do tournaments etc

Problem is that managers of kids clubs are toooooo competitive. My now teenager got chosen for the A team when he was 6, wish id put him in the B team as he spent most of the time standing around and getting only 2 minutes on the pitch! Complained so much to the manager and in the end pulled him out and moved him to another team.

But i would email the head poncho who runs the club, not the footie manager, whoever is above him, and make a complaint. x

brandy77 · 16/03/2011 21:55

or find him another team and tell him he was way too skillful for the old team

Original poster

seriouscaffeineaddict · 16/03/2011 21:59

Don't get me wrong, I am outraged and want to shout "ever heard of the equality act?" at them, but ultimately if he isn't welcome, particularly in a small village, there is no point. I've no doubt that they would indeed kick out an NT child for being no good, and there's no good and then there's running after the ball and then standing and watching it roll back past you... The issue really is the fact that he has no idea of how bad he is, or what "team sport" means. We had hoped that a small football club would help in some small way with some of the ASD issues, such as co-ordination, awareness of others, team spirit. Wishful thinking perhaps. Now we have to find a way to tell him he can't go without hurting his feelings.

OP posts:

NorthernSky · 16/03/2011 22:14

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Original poster

seriouscaffeineaddict · 16/03/2011 22:36

Thank you NorthernSky - I found an email address on google and have just fired off an email to the local county FA explaining what has happened and asking if there are any clubs that might accept him. Hopefully there will be something, and with any luck, that'll prompt some sort of internal fuss about discrimination that will feed back down to the village club and make my point without us having to make a scene in the village hall. Thanks for a brilliant tip.

OP posts:

NorthernSky · 16/03/2011 22:43

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MADABOUTTHEBOY2000 · 16/03/2011 23:12

its a awful situation to be in but and you can cause a fuss over it but ive 3 DC's one who is NT and the same thing happened to him he loves fottie so much but really does have two left feet this shouldnt matter at all but these clubs are Very competative and they really do run them as if there in the premiership my ds was made to sit on the bench most of the time anyway and looked over for other "better skilled" players the parents used to all stand at the side of the pitch screaming at their sons and become quite nasty will it shouting hack him son and swearing at them to "get up you poof" awful things like that so as much as its quite sad if hes been asked to step down it may not be because of disability but because the HAVE to win sad bloomin men ..my local league 1 team who may be in prem soon do have a disability junior team where everyone gets a game and its full mostly with kids with ASD so it may be worth looking into that before telling him as he will be treated more respecfully and kindly by them and get a regular game and its a lot cheaper as a lot of these little teams charge quite large fees and expect you to pay for the kit in the league 1 team they only take a small voluntary contribution and get to wear there local favorite teams kit HTH

moosemama · 16/03/2011 23:31

If you can't locate another football club, is there any chance you could suddenly find that there's something he would enjoy much more, that coincidentally happens at the same time on the same day? Another club he might be interested in, perhaps a martial art or something?

I totally understand why you wouldn't want to kick up a fuss. Our garden backs onto the local park where all the clubs play at the weekend and I am at the behaviour of some of the coaches and for that matter parents. You'd never believe it was 'only a game'. As you said, they would do the same to an NT child, all they care about is winning the next match - not the feelings of children that love football and want to have fun playing it of a weekend.

I really hope you can find a way to let him down gently about this club and find another one that is more inclusive and cares more about the children enjoying the sport than they do cups and trophies.

I feel very lucky that neither of my boys has ever shown the slightest interest in football. Not that I have brainwashed them against it from birth or anything - no not me!

Chundle · 17/03/2011 06:57

That's awful! Dd1 plays in local u7 league club.she only girl on team and they accept that her behaviour is a little scatty sometimes! When she first started she could hardly kick a ball but they give all kids equal playing time no matter thei ability and now she's a fab defender and boys from other team dread her tackling them! I think it's awful when kids are excluded because of behaviour/disability as in my daughters case her ADHD helps her and gives her loads more energy than the other kids

Spinkle · 17/03/2011 07:07

I think that he shouldn't go if he's not welcome. They are clearly waaaay competitive. It's not the right place for him because of them not him.

However - I would feel the need to have a rant about DDA and inclusion to the organisers of this team.

What to tell your DS? I wouldn't want to tell him the truth. There's enough rejection in life without ASD. Def try to find him somewhere where he will be valued.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/03/2011 07:10

I sincerely sympathise. The same type of situation happened to my friend's son and she was very upset at the time. She also wanted to quote Disability act etc. Would not want to stay anyway if the managers are showing such outmoded and outdated attitudes.

I hope your son finds a more inclusive team to play in and I hope you receive a good response from the county FA. They would hopefully take this sort of issue seriously.

Five a side kids football in this country is indeed too bloody competitive for its own good. Men (and some women as well) who scream at their sons on the touchline all the time and shout at the ref actually ruin the game. Am convinced that many of these shouty/aggressive types are trying to live out their sporting dreams they never achieved vicariously through their children.

HecateTheCrone · 17/03/2011 07:14

is it even a DDA issue though- op confirms that they have not treated her son any differently than they would any child who was not skillful enough.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/03/2011 07:17

Is there an enjoy a ball centre near you?

HecateTheCrone · 17/03/2011 07:17

oh, meant to say that he has not been kicked out because of his ASD. he has been asked to stop going because he is not good enough at football.

if he was brilliant but they asked him to stop, that would be because of his asd

if nt children were rubbish but allowed to play and they only said he couldn'tthat would be because of his asd

but if it is every child that does not have the required skills, then it's not because of his asd, is it?

Goblinchild · 17/03/2011 07:17

That was my reading of the situation. If they are highly competitive and reject any child not up to their ridiculous standard, then it's not a disability issue.

HecateTheCrone · 17/03/2011 07:19

oh - and I am not saying this to be unsupportive. I only hope to help you to feel differently and not feel angry or that your son has been singled out. I know how awful it is when you get that rage because of an injustice.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/03/2011 07:19

Enjoy a ball is based on fun rather than competition, cannot do links on this iPad but you can Google the website.

Spinkle · 17/03/2011 07:23

My DH is a qualified referee.

He often gets asked to ref U15s matches - and all the way down to U8s. He now refuses.

Not cos of the kids though!

He got far too much abuse off the parents. They even swear at him, in front of the kids.

(I should point out he is considered an extremely fair ref)

Football for kids is way too OTT. So glad my DS shows no interest in it.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/03/2011 07:37

It should be that sport is for all regardless of ability.

So what if that OPs child is not as good at kicking a ball as some of the others; that's still no reason or justification for barring him from the team!.

Many people in sport at the higher levels in particular are trying desparately to engage children to play sport and I feel that sometimes they are fighting a losing battle. Such attitudes displayed by overtly competitive often failed footballers themselves only serve ultimately to put people off. The coach or manager should actually be pleased that they've actually got a young person wanting to play the game in the first place.

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