Visual Success...moment ruined tho (sigh)

[DietcokeGirl]

Well, I tried a slightly different approach with the visuals this morning to get DS1 out of the house. It wasn't working until I changed the motivator on the PECs strip. Result!! We were out of the house and to nursery within minutes. He voluntarily, for the first time in 4 months, let go of my hand and happily walked up the stairs and into the room! I was walking up behind him trying not to scream with joy!! He sat on the floor when he got in as usual but that was fine. It was only for a minute then he went to the breakfast table.

Then... my moment ruined.

Some other children said 'oh DS1 is here' and came over. I know one boy in particular likes DS1 and was happy to see him. They run round with him at breaktime etc. But, one of the boys looked at me and said 'DS1 is naughty'. A different boy said this the other week to me. I need to know if they are all thinking he is the 'naughty boy' now. I did ask his keyworker before but she said they are all telling tales on each other and blaming each other for things. I wonder if it is time for the children to be told DS1 is a bit different to them? Maybe they are too young? I know a lot of them think DS1 is their friend as they have told me (!) but I cant bear the thought of everyone thinking he is just naughty. Over-reacting?

I just feel sad now. Having a diet coke!

Do not let anyones comments esp another child ruin how happy DS made you this morning you should be on cloud 9 well done to both of you its a fantastic achievement a wonderful step, you can ask the TA and teacher to tell the class hes a bit different but i had one school do that and it made everything worse the children are far too young to understand although a talk in general about everyone being different and still special would be good, but id look at it like this maybe this was the start of something really positive and maybe have a chat with them about also using pecs , weve probably all been there with other children and parents even giving dirty looks , turning their nose up and silly remarks its something you dont get used to but learn to blank to a degree think of it as they are ill informed and the adults are plain ignorant and if you ever need to tell them so when they are tutting ect id shout it out loud and make them look ignorant and small , but as for his peers the best they can do (remembering their parents may be the ignorant ones) is chat to the whole class of them about differences and disability ect

Thanks Madabout - yes it was a major achievement so have bought him a Thomas magazine, even though he won't know its a reward for this morning!

He is still in nursery so they are still very young. I think they are lovely to him actually and try to include him but realising more and more that he is different. One of the boys asked me why DS1 hasn't got a tongue a few mths ago and just the other week he was trying to find the words to ask me something but then just said 'DS1 runs round with us and he is my friend'. It was so sweet but I could tell he was confused. DS1 is 3.7 but some of the older ones who are starting school at almost 5 yrs old are probably noticing his lack of speech more. His nursery are doing all the right things - PECs, timetables, motivators, which is working. He is not really disruptive at nursery but he doesn't talk and leaves the table early, often won't go for snack, come back inside etc. I am wondering if he pushing them to get toys tho so going to check that out. I may ask autism support for their advice as I know they can go in to school when he starts in Sept and do a 'gentle' type talk about difference etc. Thanks for posting!

There are some great books for explaining to young children,for us we just searched Autism in the childrens section of Amazon Books. We also had support from the Early Years Inclusion Service before starting school so look on your local council website or ask your Health Visitor. They really helped with the transition to school as well as advising teachers in how to use visual prompts etc properly, then they will had the case and reports over to the Autism team when he is 5.

Are you using a homes/chool diary too?

Thanks, we do have support from Early Years and Autism Support so am going to speak to them about it. He doesn't have a diary but have a good relationship with keyworker so know what he has been up to etc. He is only 3.7 so not sure he at diary stage?

I would say that at 3.7 that his classmates wouldn't understand fully. If they are happy for him to play i would leave it at that and wait until this issue raises it's head as he gets older.
My 3.7 DS chose a book to bring home on ethnicity. The first page asked them to spot the difference between a white, black and rather simpsonesque 'yellow' boy. They were all in pants - it was a drawing. My DS thought that the difference was that the middle boy was smaller. That's his vision of the world at this age. It's an innocent age. You are only as naughty as the last naughty thing you did. They are also best friends, then not, then best friends again. Double your DSs age and i would see it as a problem.
Well done on getting DS out of the house and i'm joining you in a diet coke to celebrate that!

My DS started Reception part time and the children called him 'Naughty DS.' I was already friends with some of the mums through my DS1, and some asked me what should they say to their DC about DS?

The Communication and Interaction Advisory teacher (like your Autism Support, I guess) came in to school early in Y1 and gave them all an autism awareness talk to their level of understanding(without my DS.) They went overnight to being really tolerant and supportive, some mummying him a bit. He's now 11 and in the same class and they all still like him and are all still tolerant. In fact he's a lazy sod and he gets some of them helping him too much! Clever boy!

Thanks auntevil for helping me keep my rational head on! His keyworker more or less said the same thing to me the other week but I didn't know if she was just trying to protect him (and me!).

As for the visuals, it's just getting the right motivator isn't it and updating it as their interests change? I had a picture of one of his fave activities at nursery and thought that would work but the train symbol did the trick today (within seconds). I will go with that one for now until the novelty wears off!

EJ - I think the school talk is definitely a good idea so am keeping that in mind. Am glad it made a difference for your DS. It sounds like he is 'working it' too!

We all thought Reception was too early, so went for Y1 when they were rising 6. HTH

Yeah thanks it all helping me get my head round things! I have been on this road for a year but so much to learn. I have read the books, am attending the courses but the challenge is understanding MY DS1 and what works for him.

Well done dietcoke!
Just thought i'd share with you something that a reception teacher told her class of 4 & 5 yr olds.
It was becoming obvious to the kids that a little boy with sn wasn't always complying etc & teh kids were starting to call him naughty.
So when at carpet time one of the kids asid "X is being naughty again" the teacher just expalained that X wasn't being naughty at all but it was just taking him a bit longer to learn all the do's and don'ts of being at school and when it was OK to run around and play & when he should be quiet.
She also said that as a friend and classmate it was important to all be kind and helpful to each other and that meant being kind to X even if sometimes it looked as if he was not doing as he should.
She also said that everyone was good at different things & that X was good at jumping & climbing while the other child was good at sitting and listening.

The kids just accepted what the teacher told them & stopped calling X nuaghty.

Thanks for all the advice today.

Have just had a chat at nursery and they said some of the children think DS1 is being naughty when he lays on the floor/won't come in from playtime etc. The staff do tell the kids its because DS1 doesn't always understand instructions etc. Apparently a lot of the children are running up to parents to inform them that their DS/DD has been naughty/pushed them etc so it's not just by DS1 that is being labelled.

I like the explanation you mention (anonandilikeit) so am going to ask that staff say something similar.

In reception this year we taught our children about 'invisible and visable disabilities' by mentioning what done people can't do, but then lots of things they can do. E.g picture of a young boy in a wheelchair playing basketball.
In the end we said everyones different and some people find it hard to do things because of their brains/ bodies being different. But we can all be friends because we are all good at something.

This was also taught by getting them to think of something they needed help with and something they could do really well.

Children are quite good at understanding and accepting other people as long as they haven't been told otherwise by parents :)

Blimey H88 - not good to see you awake so early but thanks for taking the time to reply.