I don't like being referred to as 'Mum' on my DS's CAF form

[BakeliteBelle]

This happens on medical notes too and letters from professionals. Maybe I am being over-sensitive, but I do find that being referred to as 'Mum' feels quite belittling and somehow lessens my contribution. 'Mum says that DS1 is walking better'; 'Mum says things are going better at home', etc.

The professionals get named - 'Jane Bloggs, SALT feels that DS is blah blah...'

I've got a name too! Use it!

Completely with you on that! It even happens when the littlies are in hospital and everuyone just calls you 'mum'. My Ds has spent ( cumulatively) years in hospital and it does really affect your sense of identity!! x

I don't mind being 'mum' in large hospital situation as it may not be possible for staff to remember all names. But I think it is not acceptable to use 'mum' in a specific report as it is meant only to put down the mother and make her look inferior to the professionals and to trivialise her opinions.

I hate it too but I've learnt to put up with it. Before meetings I always plan to refer to them as Doctor or teacher etc and then forget.

It is one of my pet peeves too. They know the name of my child, and have to remember that, so even in a big hospital situation it is not beyond anyones capabilities to call you Mrs... Miss... or Ms... surely!

My Grandmother years ago, walked up to a gp's receptionist, who called her out using her first name, and said in a loud voice, you can call me Mrs ..... turned on her heel and walked to see the gp. God I loved that woman.

i dont like that either its like helllooo im a person not just a mum, but i guess its perhaps is because unfortunately in this day and age mums and dc's dont always have the same surname maybe but it is still very annoying as if our contributions biased as its our dc's as if our inputs irrelevant

I'd rather they used the wrong surname than just copped out with mum though.

I can see your point. Somehow it seems almost a critical use of the word.

Maybe we should insist on names. Heck, maybe even our professional qualifications too e.g chief cook, bum wiper, informal teacher, dresser, person who knows the child best...

I once saw something on TV where doctors were saying that in an emergency situation they use "mum" as it is quicker and will usually get a response so I can see the logic in that.
But I too have spent months with DS on hospital wards so find it odd that the nurses who you have known for weeks still call you mum.
But I absolutely hate being called MOM!!

spinkle

starfish - oo that one grates with me too.

Totally fine about being called Mum in emergency situations and in hospital ward situation where there isn't enough time or capacity to find out names and remember them.

However, when in a meeting with a couple of professionals, just how much effort does it take to either check your name in introductions and write it down, or to record your name on the resulting paperwork when they know you well?

The CAF form was filled in by someone who knows my name and who has known it for years. I don't know why but I feel like a child being referred to as 'mum'.

You'll just have to say, "Excuse me, but I'm not your mum. I know you all see me as an authority figure, but I really prefer Mrs Smith. It's so less formal."

Its not ideal but TBH ove the yrs i've learnt that there are far more important things to worry about when reading the reports.
There can sometimes be inacuracies that must be addressed but the "mum" thing i just let go.

Also from the report writers point of view at least they can be sure its factually correct.
Its easy to get a name wrong or make assumptions about the last names used by parents.
It may also be that although you are on first name terms with a professional they feel that they need to be more formal in a report.

In ds2's reports it generally always refers to the persons relationship with ds2 rather than their name so they tend to use "Teacher, senco, ot or physio etc.

anon the CAF form was full of innacuracies, basically because noone bothered to listen to me. Probably more innacuracies than accuracies. The 'Mum' thing was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

Belle I agree with you - it feels all cosy and patronising and it makes my skin crawl. I wouldn't mind if they also wrote "Doc" instead of the doctor's name or "Miss" instead of the teacher's name or "Poo Lady" instead of the continence nurse's name but they wouldn't dream of it, would they?

If they really find it too much of a hassle to use my name could they not give me the dignity of "DS' mother"?

Not that I'm going to get backs up by mentioning it to them, but aaaarrrghhh it really seems to sum it up...

Fickle, agreed, I wouldn't mind so much if I was called 'DS mum'. Don't know what it is about just 'mum' but grrrrr....!

I think 'mum' makes us feel we should weigh 100 stones and be wearing a floral print dress.

hahaha!! With fingers like sausages, all the better for kneading bread with.

i think its just their general oh its ONLY DS's mum aspect of it that offends not the actual word i dont like it feels condesending doesnt it maybe we should call the HT Jill and the OT karen and the ed spy patricia ect ect lol they wouldnt like it as a few months back my DH had to phone the head of a dept at hosp it just said their name on the report amongst the dross and he got told its DR if you dont mind, not a good start heh

I hate it as well. I remember reading a report from the hospital (A&E admission) where it said "Mum says ds is less alert than normal". I wasn't even there! It was Dad but they still wrote Mum. You would have thought big man being there would have given it away that ds wasn't accompanied by mum .

That is rebl. I mean it made me laugh, but even so have our a&e drs not had the medical lessons on distinguishing between the sexes yet.

I am 100 stone and wearing a floral dress

Davros, the mind boggles. I think I might have a nightmare about you tonight!

Sparklerainbow..... like the sound of your grandmother but, recently I was at my GP's and looked up to find my DH's ex-wife sitting opposite from me.

Had the doctor not called me by my first name, we'd have both stood up when called "Mrs...." Wouldn't have bothered me but it would have upset her since she refuses to acknowledge my existence!!