I think dd is ASD as well but is it actually my parenting?

[ASDanotherone]

I have a ds with HFA. He was diagnosed at aged 5.

I have a dd aged 4. She lines things up, repetative play, very clingy to me, no time at all for anyone else, scared of hand dryers and other noises, cannot move play forward with playing with kids her own age. When I drop her off at nursery, she just stands there until directed to do something but will then join in. Loves animals, likes to carry a cuddly or small animal type toy or doll whereever we go, has screaming tantrums at home, never at nursery though, has to be prompted to respond if anyone other than family speak to her, had speech delay almost identical in time span to ds.

So give it to me straight, does it sound like ASD again? I can take it, I already have one.

I know for a fact that everyone we know will blame me, they already do with ds. There are so many similarities between them, but many differences too, eg dd loves drawing, painting and craft etc, ds hated them. Dd has wider interests than ds, his were very restricted. Maybe they are not ASD at all and I am just a really crap parent? Can't shake that worry.

Don't be silly

What part of your parenting would cause autism?

I don't know if she has asd as well. But if you are mixing people who blame you for your Childs condition then you should find new people to be around.

It could be that your DD is on the spectrum, but she could be very different from your DS. Girls 'symptoms' can vary quite a lot to boys as they are naturally more empathic and social. There was a thread the other day about never having 2 the same and this is very true of ASD.

The important thing is whether your DD needs support and early intervention. If you think she does at least you've been there before!

If you're concerned about your DD, speak to your GP about it. But I certainly wouldn't think that your parenting caused it. I understand the paranoia though. We haven't had anyone suggest it, and we still worry that someone will say it.

Unfortunately it is family members, not so easy to avoid but thank you for you post, always that nagging doubt though. They developed in such a similar way as far as speech and social behaviour was concerned and I worry that I did not take them to play groups or socialise enough.

Nursery have mentioned that dd is very quiet but not raised any concerns yet. With ds concerns were raised within weeks of him starting nursery.

Think I should take it forward myself with GP. I have a feeling it is going to be much tougher to get a diagnosis for her. She is very gentle and low profile whereas ds was very obvious iyswim.

It's a sad truth that the passive and quiet child with SN gets less help than the disruptive ones. You'll probably have to work harder to get your DD the support she needs than for your DS, but as ASD is so genetic , I'm sure GP etc will at least take your concerns seriously.

Oh, family commenting? With my own extended family, I tend to lean towards "when you have a medical degree in child psychology and paediatrics, you can voice your opinion.. until then, keep your comments to yourself." With in-laws I am more tactful. (although to be fair, my family is more likely to make a nasty comment than in-laws )