Ds1(7) has been discussing life, relationships etc at school, and he announces he doesn't want to get married, have children , wants to live alone.
When I asked him, he said that having children was a real struggle, and obviously this comes straight from me.
Anyway ds1 doesn't have much confidence. and I am very saddened that he has picked up on the 'struggling'.
I am just going to cut and paste one of my previous OP;s, to fill you in :
"I saw the Pyschaitrist yesterday. Diabetic specialist pyschiatrist. They are concerned at how bad my diabetes is. And it is so bad when I am stressed.
They are going to do loads of things medically and otherwise. have monitor inserted. have another one to look at chemicals released when stressed and what happens to my blood sugars. going be a gineau pig on their research project.
We agreed there is no anxiety of panic attacks. She said I wasn't depressed. One GP had insisted I had AD's but they hadn't worked, so we talked about that.
She also suggested CBT. But what I know about it, I fail to see how this is really going to help me.
But I my mum , dh, and best friend think I have coped well under considerable stress.
So I gave her an example. Following all happened at the same time:
My dh made redundant and we couldn't pay the mortgage. dh had what we thought was a stroke , but turned out to be Bells Palsy, where his face dropped for 6 weeks. Ds1 was being naughty at school, for first time. Losing minues and I wasn't told. Then 3 boys bullied him trying flush head down toilet, saying that they would make him lose more minutes. School dismissive. He was in the middle of being assessed for Aspergers, and I have found his behaviour very stresful and couldn't understand what was wrong, for the last 4-5 years. Ds2 was going through terrible 2's. manageable. normal. My job that i adore, after 5 years of good appraisals suddenly said I wasn't up to he job and asked me to leave offering me a crummy compromise agreemment.
In and amongst all of this my diabetes went mad. I was having on average 2 hypos a day. Instead of my blood sugars being the desired 4-7, I was often 2.4 and physically couldn't speak. Sometimes my bloods were 33.2, so high that I felt ill and was physically sick at work. I would shout at the boys, and then some of the time, I would actually realise that I was low/diabetically hypo.
So she says that it takes 24 hours to recover froma hypo. And i said I never got that chance, because I was hypo again the next day.
So she says that this is what she specilaises in, assessing how it affects someone.
BUT then she goes on to say, that I am highly strung, that it sounds like ds1 is not that bad, quite normal, rather than Aspergers. I thought this was very dismissive. She had only asked one question about him.
And that i need to look at how to cope.
But I haven't always struggled. Only in the last couple of years. I have great inner confidence. I think cope jolly well considering. But i do need help, becasue I am struggling.
I felt like saying that I'd like to see others cope better.
But I so want to be open minded about it.
But I just can't see what CBT is going to do for me. Am I being too negative ? "
that was one of my previous OP's.
Since then, dh has got a new job and has been working 18 hr days, 6 dyas a week, for the last 2 months. He won't be paid for this, is just 'expected'. I have felt like a single parent !! He used to be home at 5pm.
My diabetes is not getting any better, but we keep working at it. Ds1 is a bit easier. Still hard work and mouthy, but I think its probably just me accepting he is a bit AS, that has changed MY perspective on him.
I have shouted at him many times over the years. Told them that I was struggling/ had enough of them. I did KNOW I shouldn't say those things, becasue it makes me weak and puts pressure on a child, that shouldn't be put on him. But I couldn't stop myself.
Dh says I need to show more self control, not to express things infront of him. I know I need to do this.
What else do you think I should be doing ?