Did I do the right thing?

[mummynoseynora]

DD goes to a little ones ballet type class on a saturday morning, last week as we were getting ready to leave and the next class was starting, DD noticed a girl who was clearly disabled - at a guess I would say she was 7/8 ? struggled to walk, jerky head movements, and had a dummy in.

DD asked me why she had a dummy in, I explained she was disabled and couldn't walk properly so it might be something to do with that, but I didn't know - so didn't want to say any more and be wrong iyswim? I have always been open with her about disability etc and she knows everyone is different.

So this week the family with the disabled girl was back, and DD asked again - so I said we'd ask the mum. I explained to the mum that DD (who is 4 by the way) would like to understand the girls disability if that was ok... but DD chipped in going 'why does she have a dummy?' (bless my confident little girl!)

The mum was lovely, and explained to DD what condition her daughter had (rhetts syndrome) and explained that she couldn't talk, struggled to walk etc - and was often frustrated or cross, so the dummy helped her stay happy in situations she found hard. We ended up chatting for a little while, and I did say to the mum that I hoped I hadn't offended her by asking - she said she'd always rather people ask, especially to help little ones understand

so - mn jury.... did I do right? did I make her feel uncomfortable?! EEK - I'll see her again next week... so what to do then?

if it was me, I'd say you did the right thing much better to ask! Next week, just say hi and anything you normally would, no need to say anything different.

wasn't planning on being any different as such - was more if I had likely offended her, should I mention it

glad I did the right thing :) DD certainly seemed to be much happier understanding, think she was worried for her - we ended up talking about what it must be like most of the way home as she was a bit confused about the crossness (due to frustration from no language)

certainly doesn't sound like she was offended, no need to mention it I wouldn't think

From what you said the mum was quite happy to explain and, I bet, preferred it to curious staring. She will probably be pleased to see a friendly face next week.

Thanks for the reassurance, I wouldn't have wanted to make her feel uncomfortable in any way - and hope it helps her to relax whilst sat there next time :)

Yes you did the right thing, sinse dd2 (ASD) started school we get a lot of children asking questions which i am happy to answer, i just wish all the parents were like you as most of them tend to stay out of my way or stare at dd. I think a lot of parents find it hard to explain disability to there children (which in a way i can understand). I am always happy to answer any questions people ask about my dd's.

As someone who works with people with disabilities, I much prefer questions to muttering and staring.

Dude working in a cafe the other day said "Blimey, he's got big boots on". Made me laugh - they're orthotic boots!

Also, Mum may find her daughter's disability isolates her from other parents. It doesn't change her as a person, and somebody treating her as a human being will do wonders for her self-respect

cool - phewy

in that case I'll just make sure I say hi to her and her daughter next week, they did seem lovely after all :)

Yay! That's what inclusion really looks like

yes I agree, my friends LO has Retts and DD1 (who has ASD) asked what was wrong and I was able to explain it because I know them well.
I would make she you treat her and her dd as you would anyone else :)

I agree, always ask! A mum at school said to me the other day 'i know it's not the right word to use but what's wrong with him?'

I explained happily, it's nice that someone was interested rather than just annoyed that DS doesn't behave perfectly

asking with interest, and a desire to understand always ok, even if the language is a bit wrong...

Knowing someone is 'trying' IYSWIM makes all the difference.

I'd say absolutely you did the right thing. I follow a blog called "Behind the Child written by the mother and foster mother of two little girls with profound disabilities. She says that what makes her cross is how people just stare or even worse ignore her completely and shush their children when they ask about her daughters. She says she would much rather people asked about the girls and indeed likes it when they do and has noticed children are much more open to asking questions than their parents.

Of course you did the right thing here. Absolutely.