school can't cope with my child, help!!

[Suzza]

Hi there, my son has just turned 5 and since Sept has had a total melt down since starting school. He refuses to go and when there stays outside classroom in corridor. He has some good days but they never last illnesses or half terms take us back to square one. I am completely exhausted. He has his main assessment on Monday 14th to find out if he has Autism and ADHD and ADD etc..so will know more then but whatever the outcome school have been terrible and have phoned my three times this week already to come and collect him after 2 hours in the morning it is pathetic and I am just clinging onto my job, Today i was on a course and as the phone rang the course tutor said don't answer just let it ring!! Do you think that would have been unacceptable?? I am not sure!
Any ideas, I would be greatful
The main thing is when he has meltdowns they are not allowed to be physical with him so where do we go from there...just leave him to run around outside or call me everyday till he is 16!!!
Argh.....

Hi Suzza. You sound like you are having a hard time. I would repost this on SN children as it's a much busier board.

Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time.

You don't have to pick him up during the day - unless they actually exclude him - which they won't.

Sometimes if you leave him at school it will force them to properly deal with him rather than taking the easy way out - so it can be the right thing to do.

Don't pick him up when they call! Been there, done that! If they want you to take him out of school then they have to exclude him. If they exclude him then it doesn't look good on their official figures and so generally schools are loath to do this.

Hard as it is by leaving him there you're giving them the opportunity to help him.

My 7 year old as ADHD - diagnosed and medicated from 6 - but whilst medication helps it hasn't eradicated his problems which are far more complex and, as yet, undiagnosed although different professionals have different opinions.

Does your son have any support in school? Does he have a helper or a mentor - someone he can run to if he's feeling stressed out?

LEAs usually have a Behaviour Support teacher who can come in and advise the school on strategies to work with your child. Has he been assessed by Ed Psych?

The school should be putting in place a range of teaching strategies to help your son access the curriculum. Legally, the local authority is responsible for providing your child with an education. Do you have a 'Parent Partnership' service in your local area? They are advocates for parents of children with SEN and will mediate between home and school. Alternatively, contact the SEN Assessment Team at your Local Authority or write to the school governors requesting a behaviour support plan to be put in place and a written contract about the circumstances in which you agree to be contacted.

Once your son has a diagniosis it should help. If Autism - the TEACHH approach really works and is used in many special schools - unfortunately most mainstream teachers are not trained in this but that's not to say they shouldn't be. Lots of good training courses for teachers available nationally for ADHD.

Good Luck.