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SN children

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Original poster

Tips for stopping AS child telling brother to do dangerous things

11 replies

Tiggles · 08/03/2011 11:56

DS1 (8) has for a long time tried getting DS2 (4) into trouble by telling him to do things, then coming to get me to show me what DS2 has done that is naughty. I have explained that isn't a kind thing to do, that he is as bad, worse, for telling DS2 to do it. He lies about any involvement, but his lying skills are very saddly lacking.

e.g. The other day DS2 made a potion after he was technically in bed, with all the shampoo, shower gel etc over the bathroom floor.

Anyhow, yesterday, on the way home from school, DS2 was on his bike. We have an alley next to our house. DS2 bombs down the alley (has a hill) and tends to wait at the bottom - as long as I have threatened him at the top! There is one house between ours and the bottom of the alley and I am paranoid our neighbour will reverse out his drive one day and hit him if he goes off the end of the alley. DS1 threw a massive fit - DS2 won't stop, he will get hurt etc. (He was already sulking as we had gone DS2s route home, rather than his). I was running down the hill behind DS2, with DS3 in tow. DS1 slightly ahead of us. I turned the corner on the alley way about 5ft behind DS2, to see DS1 telling DS2 he mustn't wait at the end of the alley and to go straight to the house. Result DS2 nearly getting hit by DH who was about to drive onto our drive way.

Any tips to make DS1 realise that this just isn't acceptable behaviour.

OP posts:

intothewest · 08/03/2011 19:14

bump

Original poster

Tiggles · 08/03/2011 22:44

Thanks for the bump!
Shameless bump again :)

OP posts:

cornsilkee · 08/03/2011 22:47

tricky one!
social story? I guess you've tried that.

cornsilkee · 08/03/2011 22:48

maybe post again in special needs OP - it's busier there

EllenJane1 · 08/03/2011 23:06

This is special needs! Sorry I think it's just a tricky one to answer. I'm sure someone will have some help in time.

cornsilkee · 08/03/2011 23:09

sorry - have just been on special educational needs and it's in my head!

hanaka88 · 09/03/2011 06:40

I was talking to my auntie who is an ed psyc an she told me asd people (even adults) like to be able to predict reations in situations.

It's certainly true of my ds. If I ignore his behaviour he will say my part of the normal conversation 'no DS you have to wait untill after dinner'

Maybe have a word with DS2 in private about doing what mummy says not DS1 and then when he tells DS2 to do something wrong ignore it. (as long as it's safe to)
and reward DS2 for remembering to only listen to you (away from DS1)

if he doesn't get a reaction he will probably get bored of it.

(then give you a new reason to worry)

signandsmile · 09/03/2011 06:51

This might be a really silly thought, so ignore if it is,

Can you ask him what he thought would happen if DS2 does what he says?

It sounds like you think he wants ds2 to get told off, is possible to work out why? Or is it that he wants to be in control, can you involve them both in the 'policing'. 'in this situtation, what do we do? we stop at the end! well done ds 1 (and 2)'

even rewarding saying the right thing to do, as well as doing it,
IYSWIM
As I said these may not be appropriate,, just wanted to help.

hanaka88 · 09/03/2011 06:56

I think it's worth warning you though... Ignoring it will make it worse before making it better as he might try harder to get a reaction

intothewest · 09/03/2011 09:50

Is there something that they both like? I'm just wondering along the lines of trying to get them to work TOGETHER towards some goal-maybe they can have something to put in a jar every time they work/play well together and if they get so many they get a treat/toy/trip to share-to try to get DS1 thinking that he can HELP his little bro-and he can help him

Original poster

Tiggles · 09/03/2011 12:51

Thanks all. Lots of ideas to try :) I have just read the social story thread and realised that that is the way that I have always tried to teach ds1 and 2 without realising it had a special name. Will read up more on that to see if i can improve! One of the posts has made me realise it probably is completely a control issue - ds1 had decided ds2 wouldn't stop so when he realised ds2 had stopped he wanted/expected his scenario to happen and acted to make it happen.
I think I am only slowly coming to terms with the severity of ds problems I had always assumed he had mild AS but his ADOS etc showed it is severe and he has been given a dx of autism just fortunate he is also very high functioning.
Thanks again :)

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