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Original poster

Moment of mummy madness! Should I be ashamed?

25 replies

Floopytheloopy · 07/03/2011 11:57

Hello everyone.

Dd had a lovely weekend. Lunch out, cinema, new bike. It was great. So up until a certain point we were all happy that we were having a "normal" and happy weekend. Which, to be honest is definitely a rare occasion. Anyway, dh went out to the shops to pick up this bike for dd and left us in the car as dd was starting to get over excited. Anyway, we were just sitting there and she was singing a song(sort of) and then spotted this boy getting into this car next to us with his mummy and she tends to be facinated by other children. Especially ones her own age. She started smiling at him and waving to which this boy started sticking his tongue out! Nothing unusual there I hear you cry. All children do that! As my dd didn't pick up on that and carried on smiling and waving the boy then mouthed the word spastic and started laughing and suggestively slapping his face. At this point he hadn't spotted me in the front observing this. I got out of the car and told him how rude he was being and that my dd was only being friendly. The mother obviously looked mortified and confused. I appologised to her, but said I felt like something had to be said and she should be made aware of what her son was doing.

As soon as they drove away I felt obviously awful for dd, although she didn't notice anything and insisted he was a nice boy.
But I was just wondering whether or not my reaction was justified. Has anyone else had to deal with a situation like this?

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:

HelensMelons · 07/03/2011 12:10

Floopy, poor dd that's horrible. I haven't had to deal with a situation like this, thankfully, I think you were pretty brave to deal with it tbh, good for you x

starterfor10 · 07/03/2011 12:10

Yes.When DS was doing some very odd things and making noises I noticed two boys running behind the car as we left the car park,mimicking him. I stopped the car, got out and shouted at them,including the words"I am so glad I don't have to know you."
I am sure you did better than I did because it sounds as though you stayed calm,and if the mother was embarrassed she will probably have talked to her son about it, making him think twice about doing it again.

starterfor10 · 07/03/2011 12:12

Sorry,yes your reaction was justified, no you shouldnotbe ashamed.

bettyboop63 · 07/03/2011 12:16

wtg standing up for your ds be proud not ashamed you were not rude you just let the mum know what he was doing behind her back and too right too, if left unchecked goodness knows what he will do/say to the next Dc that he considers different comes along makes my blood boil and its all down to ignorance

5inthebed · 07/03/2011 12:16

I would have done the same. Your poor DD.

AboardtheAxiom · 07/03/2011 12:19

You should not be ashamed, I think you handled it alotbetter than I would have done.

Sounds like the mum will talk to her son about it in this instance but I have to say in some cases it's the parents they are hearing these things from.

My DS is autistic and kids insantly seem to sense he is different (like coyotes picking on the weakest member of the herd) and can be very unkind - most of the time DS is oblivious thankfully but it defintitely evokes the mummy lion in me! I once really shouted at a group of girls who were cruel to DS, I shamed them in front of the whole park and made the ringleader cry.

chuckeyegg · 07/03/2011 12:20

Totally justified, horrid boy.

Good your DD didn't notice.

Original poster

Floopytheloopy · 07/03/2011 12:30

Wow! I really wasn't expecting that kind of reaction actually. Thanks for the support. It helps to know that most of you would have done the same. I think I kept my cool(ish), but as soon as I got in the car I had to really fight back the tears.

I know kids can be cruel and that's probably an understatement, but when they're this cruel you wonder where that kind of nastiness comes from. I know I wasn't an angel at school and I can remember not always being pleasant to those who were different. But, I would never have done what that horrible little boy did. It's beyond me and I fear I have more of that to come. :(

OP posts:

TotalChaos · 07/03/2011 12:32

well done, sorry you had such an upset. the one time someone did this to DS the kid's mum was there and told him off so saved me the job, fortunately.

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs · 07/03/2011 12:34

I would have done the same.
DD2 special school backs onto a MS school and at playtime I sometimes notice the other children in the playground taking the mick, its horrible :(

Chundle · 07/03/2011 12:35

i think you did the right thing :) i think parents need to advocate and stick up for their kids when their kids dont understand the world around them good for you :)

Spinkle · 07/03/2011 12:57

Bloody good on you. He has learnt a valuable lesson.

Darn these people, they need educating about differences!

Go you. Pat yourself on the back

Littlefish · 07/03/2011 13:01

Well done! I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of at all; quite the opposite in fact.

If my child had ever done what that boy had done, I would definitely want to know about it.

hanaka88 · 07/03/2011 13:17

You shouldn't feel ashamed. Good job the mother was nice though... You can never tell how they will react

Original poster

Floopytheloopy · 07/03/2011 13:18

I do hope that something kicked in with him and maybe he'll be reluctant to do something like that to another child. Although I fear that the only reason he looked half sorry was because he'd been caught out and was embarassed rather than ashamed.

lisad- That sounds like a rather unfortunate and tactless set up with regards to your dd's school backing onto the ms school. I hope the teasing doesn't happen very often. Obviously i'd hope it didn't happen atall, but under those unusual circumstances I guess it's sadly going to be the case. I say it's an unusual set up but to be honest that is just a guess. I could be completely wrong, so correct me if I am. Apart from that, is it a good school that your dd is in?

OP posts:

Original poster

Floopytheloopy · 07/03/2011 13:27

hanaka88 You're right. You have no idea how they are going to react and I was genuinely concerned that I might have upset her. I know I would have been mortified if someone said this to me about my dd.

I had no intention of making her feel bad and I certainly wasn't blaming her. However, she needed to know. We have to take some of the blame as parents I think. It may have shocked her or she may have heard it a thousand times. I just hope she has talked to him about it and let him know that it was completely unacceptable.

OP posts:

EllenJane1 · 07/03/2011 14:17

TBH I'd be a bit scared to confront someone in case the mum was one of those who instantly sticks up for their little angel, who can do no wrong, and starts making a scene. Sounded like that wasn't the case here, but as someone said earlier, people's prejudices are often learnt from the parents.

But that's just me. I'd be a lot braver if someone else backed me up!

intothewest · 07/03/2011 14:30

You kept calm which was good-I would certainly do the same-My ds cannot stand up for himself,so I would do it for him-well done!!

PixieOnaLeaf · 07/03/2011 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

colditz · 07/03/2011 14:36

Justified.

starfishmummy · 07/03/2011 14:47

Well done!
Luckily I have not seen anything so bad as this but kids do sometimes stare at DS and I just stare right back and make a point of them knowing that I am doing so. It's childish and stupid of me but I'm not very brave!!

bochead · 07/03/2011 15:40

Ok I had the son who asked in a loud voice why the woman on the bus had a beard & I think you did the right thing. If I was the mother of that child I'd actually be really grateful you spoke to him.

Why? because he really doesn't intend to hurt people's feelings and does think about it afterwards if he can be made to understand he has upset someone. I've had several instances where on realising he's upset someone the same hurtful behavior to others hasn't been repeated. Making hm understand though that has to be done in a really blatant way (I'm the Mum people frown at in public when I set boundaries). It's taken a hell of a lot of work but now he's actually very kind to those who are different to the norm in anyway.

Just thinking out loud as the worst of having a kid with a hidden social comms disability is the reactions from others in public sometimes. Maybe that's her side of the coin.

Becaroooo · 07/03/2011 18:16

God, you did so well to stay so calm.

I dont even know you or your dd and I want to rip his vile little head off!!

Becaroooo · 07/03/2011 18:17

.....I am sure he was very sorry he was caught!!!!

shazian · 07/03/2011 19:41

Poor DD. Our dc are so vulnerable, you done well.My 12yo ds came in recently, he had been fighting which is very unusual (normally very quiet and wont say boo to a goose), when i asked what happened he said ??? called my brother a retard and i wasnt having that. Much as i never condone fighting, i was proud of him for sticking up for his brother. At the end of the day if we dont stick up for our dc, then who will.

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