Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Original poster

It's official. My eldest son does not love me.

15 replies

HecateQueenOfWitches · 03/03/2011 21:16

He told me so.

I said "I love you."
He said "ok" (as he does)
I asked him "Do you love me?"
He looked at me and said "I like you a lot."
I said "But do you love me?"
He said "No. I like you."

Should I accept this as the truth?

I want to believe that he is wrong and that he does love me Grin but he was very clear about it.

I actually feel rather gutted.

Apparently, he does love Princess Peach. Hmm

OP posts:
Minx179 · 03/03/2011 22:31

There is a very fine line between 'like a lot' and 'love'. I would be happy with like a lot.

My ds either ignores me if I say I love you, or tells me I'm boring.

EllenJane1 · 03/03/2011 22:34

My NT DS1 told me in all seriousness when he was 8 or so that he did love me, but not as much as he loved daddy. I've never forgotten it. It hurt much more than my DS2 saying "I only love your hair"

budgieshell · 04/03/2011 23:18

I am loved by both my DD's.........when we are at the shops and they can see sweets, comics or toys.
Then I am the best mum in the world.
I never ask them if they love me after I have said no.

corns12k · 04/03/2011 23:19

Does he understand what 'love' is though?

bettyboop63 · 05/03/2011 00:04

i dont believe him for one second hecatequeenofwitches my ds says things like that all dependant on his moods sometimes its because hes concentrating and others because well thats just how he feels right now and you and i know they live for the moment take heart and you do the same tomorrows another day and ill bet he will say different , if he doesnt i'd put it down to teen angst wether an NT son or with ASD im sure being a teens all the more difficult emotions wise for them , your doing a grand job

Original poster
HecateQueenOfWitches · 05/03/2011 10:52

I'm not sure he does understand.

I have been trying to teach him about different kinds of love - romantic, platonic, etc.

I think it has utterly confused him.

I will just continue to believe he is wrong Grin

OP posts:
cory · 05/03/2011 10:54

tbh this is not a question I would ever dare to ask of any son of mine: they do seem impelled to answer no Sad

I just try to cling to the assumption that ds does, really

sneezecakesmum · 05/03/2011 11:07

When I was little I told my mother I hated her because she would not buy me sweets. I meant it at the time! But of course loved her to bits!

Your DS loves you I'm sure, he just sounds not sure of all the complexities - aren't we all?

Whatever17 · 05/03/2011 23:31

The longer I am a parent the more I realise that the love is one way. I love my children because I do and because I have to.

I guess they do not have to.

Ponders · 05/03/2011 23:33

How old is he, Hecate?

Ponders · 05/03/2011 23:34

and, given that this is in SN, what is his understanding of the word love?

defineme · 05/03/2011 23:42

Nt dd (6) places me after Nana's dog, but before Daddy on her love list.
Ds1 (9 and as) says he loves me, but can't eat with me or indeed sit next to me most of the time (and yes that would be me specifically-everybody else is fine) and it's only my sneezing that sends him running from the room!
Ds2(6 nt) loves me loads, but is the kind of child that will happily go off with anybody that shows him a smidge of attention.

I would lay down my life for these children......

Maryz · 05/03/2011 23:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FickleFreckle · 06/03/2011 11:23

Well there's gratitude for you, Hecate Grin

He is probably really confused about what love means as we are bombarded from all sources with different images of what it is, some of them quite alarming. Lots of NT boys of that age wouldn't really understand. "Liking a lot" is what he knows he feels and tbh that is what passes as a massive compliment round these parts...

My son hates being asked if he loves me and will always answer "no". He has sometimes volunteered that he doesn't love me. I know this is not true at all as I can feel the love between us. I just tell him "that's OK, I love you enough for both of us"...

HecateTheCrone · 06/03/2011 20:19

He's 11. 12 in May.

Shock bloody hell fire, how did that happen? He was only born the other day!

I tried to pursuade him to say "I love you mum" yesterday. I said I'd take him to Mcdonalds Blush Blush

He got very cross and said "It's my 'pinion'"

Oh well. At least he is assertive Grin

I just have to accept that he truly feels that he really likes me, not loves me.

Whatever it is that he feels love is, he doesn't feel it for me.

I suspect that what he thinks is love, is actually obsession.

He talks about loving 'princess peach' and he is utterly obsessed. Talks about her every minute of the day, talks about kissing her, acts like she's real and even has a laminated picture of her Hmm he came home from school with it [boggle]

So if he thinks that is love, then that's why he thinks he doesn't love me.

Notice I am still claiming that he only THINKS he doesn't love me? Grin

My youngest, otoh - well, I have to check daily because I am sure the cord is still attached Grin HAS to be with me all the time. "I WANT MUM! I GO WITH MUM!" and snatches his hand away from Himself, pushes him away. And he walks along the street cuddling me. It's quite tricky to walk Grin

New posts on this thread. Refresh page