asd son so difficult

[michaela67]

hi im at my wits end all i am doing is shouting and crying i cant take my lad out lately as he is doing more and more more things each day when i take him shopping he runs and hits children or anybody really he is so strong he pulls things off shelves he wants to smell all washing liquids and when i stop him after the fourth one he shouts screams and then gets in a tantrum and throws things by the time i come out im so stressed and in tears this is most days im so tired as he dont really sleep and when he does im waitin for him to wake, he is such an affectionate boy at times but then next second he will bash me and bite, i dont know what to do really the experts say ignore the tantrums but he wont have that he will go on for hours and hours over something that happened 5 hours ago its so tiring every day and because orf his behaviour i cannot ever leave him with anybody not even for 5 min i feel like i have nothing to look forward anymore as each day is the same sorry for going on www.mumsnet.com/te/3.gif

We all feel like that sometimes! It's hard trying to raise kids anyway never mind if they have additional needs

How old is he?

I try to avoid situations that cause stress (mainly for me), i shop when the dd's are at school or when dh can stay home and look after them. Yesterday i had to take dd1 to get some trousers, she was so noisy and would'nt stay still long enough for me to find anything, in the end i gave up, took her home and got the trousers online . Dd1 will also tantrum for hours but luckily does'nt become violent (only verbaly), if i ignore her she gets worse, i find distraction is the only way and sometimes that means giving her some chocolate of letting her watch her favorite tv show but if it calms her down then it saves me getting too stressed.

Michaela, what support network do you have? DH/P? Parents? Good friends? Respite from Social Services/a charity?

First, you need to find a few hours to yourself to recharge your batteries.

Next, work out what strategies you are going to try first to help your son communicate his frustrations. Pick the most urgent issue, and work out how to solve it. It sounds like he has real trouble communicating his needs, so perhaps start there? The aggression will reduce with the frustration so, while it's horrible, tackling that as an individual issue won't solve the long term problem.

Also, don't be afraid to go to your GP and ask for medication for either of you. There are a lot of scare stories about behaviour-modifying drugs, but there is a lot of sound research too. If pills are what's needed to calm him enough to learn to use copign strategies, then that's a positive.

You really do need to get some space from him, though, give yourself a chance to miss him for a couple of hours and you'll go back to him full of energy to help him with (I hope)

this sounds like a shopping trip with my youngest except at the moment shes restrained in a buggy! She hates shopping, its the whole too many people/lights/npise thing it overwhelms so she screams, the whole way round tesco! She flails her legs out and kicks people walking past and knocks things off shelves. I usually try and give her a 'safe' item to hold that cannot be undone easily like a bag of pasta if this doesnt stop it then i ignoring the screaming and stares off the busybodys and carry on with my shopping!! Its hard work and i dread to think how she will be when shes too big for the buggy!

thank you everybody for the replies, he is 4 yrs old he is on melatonin but it dosent seem to do anything , no help really only went to one course for autism for 6wks that was such good help just chatting to the other mums made me feel better that i was not alone but apart from that no body no help with social service they wont even come out to do an assessment, and the pushchair im having that problem he has always been big for his age even when he was only 2 ppl used to give me looks thinking he too big for buggy i have had loads different buggys as he wont walk near me and it safer from him running off into roads but i dont know which one to get now as it small x

i do that too marne as other wise id be in hosp by now ive a heart prob n high bp ect so the stress is just too much what with a disabled DH as well my DS went back to school today to a new school (hope hes ok)distractions while in the store if you have to take yr DS is best , or the promise of something nice he likes as a trest on way home ect but i admit it i find esp because of my health that certain situations that stress him so much are best avoided, hes gone to a new school now and one of their jobs is to get him to learn to control(slf regulate) himself, how old is he ? does he have a Dx yet? and purplepidjin is right you need to check out local services ect in your area too. do come back and post and just vent if you need to weve all been there

How old is he? Does he have a dx/sensory issues?

A few things we tried;

A mini trampoline in the living room, exercise really helps with stress...him not you but feel free!
Talk to his paed about his sleep issues, in the mean time keep a diary to take with you.
Look into sensory toys for when your out and about (although we have her Nintendo DS and ear defenders as a back up).
Epsom salts in his bath...look on Amazon.

In the future maybe a 'safespace'? Do you have a baby gate on his room?
Is he verbal? sometimes a lot of stress is due to being unable to communicate what you want. How do you prepare him to go out? Does he use routine/visual planners?
I hope your ok.

Sorry cross posted!
You may get a SN buggy from your local council, I wouldnt worry about nosey parkers staring its for his safety!

oh something i usually always take out with us is a vibrating pig. i dont let dd play with it in the house or at any other time only when we were are out and she is getting reallly out of hand then i produce vibrating pig. she pulls his tail and he buzzes and vibrates and it placates her for a while then she forgets that she was in a strop. maybe worth buying a new toy like this just something small and simple and keeping it only for emergencies when you are out

Sorry Michaela, it sounds like a particularly bad day. Are there any playgroups or children's centres nearby? Just because he has ASD doesn't mean he shouldn't go to playgroup. You need a break as much as anything. A children's centre or a Sure Start centre, even if it's a drive away should be able to give you some help and advice. Perhaps Contact a Family could help also. A good children's centre should have some experience of ASD and have Speech Therapists (SALT) on hand.

Where abouts are you? Someone on here may know of somewhere local. HTH

yes thanks hun i have tried all the visual stuff but they dont work with him his speech has got better he can put 4 words together but alot wouldnt understand what he says but i do, he is 4 i got him a trampoline as he has lots sensory issues but he not interested he dont like any sort of toys only mobile phones and plugs

i in south side of coventry he goes to school 2 hrs in morning but they find him very hard to cope with ashe hits other children and they tell me they have no experience with autism but they are no other places this area i had to take him out of playgroup as they couldnt handle him its like they have never come across autism as they tel me every detail thing he has done and say can he not put his shoes on himself or why does he keep open shuting doors so i dread taking and oicking him up from there

michaela- you need to get him a statement for playgroup/school, then the playgroup/school will have to provide support for him, they can not turn him away because they can't cope, he deserves to be there as much as any other child, there are ourses that staff can go on to be educated about Autism. When dd2 started nursery i printed a load of stuff of the net, took it in and asked all the staff to read it (it was basicly a idiots guit to Autism). Its sounds like you are having a tough time .

awww thanks marne yes you are right he does need the right support then perhaps he may get bit easier to handle and he seems to be singled out of alot of things like when there assembley they dont walk him past other children he has to go in late and other things which is abit sad really

Dd2 has just started going into assembley, its taken 6 monthes to get her in (doing 5 minutes at a time) she still does'nt go into lunch but has lunch in the classroom with her TA. Sounds like you need help from OT, we have only just got OT after a 2 year fight (makes me angry that we have to fight for these things).

Can you order your shopping online & get it delivered?

I gave up taking my DS to supermarkets when I need to do a big shop, the stress was just horrible. He likes helping when the Tesco man comes to the door though.

When we go now it is just for smaller unimportant stuff so we can leave if need be.

thanks choc will give that a go thank you xmarne yes its terrible you do seem to have to fight just to get help, the ot been out once but done nothing really

good idea ive never used them i might even give that a whirl especially when oh the BIG 6 week break thats always a nightmare