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Original poster

tips please for distinguishing "ask" from "tell" (language problem)|

16 replies

lingle · 26/02/2011 21:18

hi everyone,it's been a while, have popped back with a language question

if I say to DS2 "ask daddy such and such" he tends to think I mean "tell daddy such and such" and vice versa. So this morning, I wanted him to ask the piano teacher if he could play his little piece. instead, he told her he was going to do so....

if anyone has any good ideas for distinguishing these concepts I would be grateful. Some of you will remember that DS2 has a history of severe receptive language delay though he now has normal vocabulary and good listening skills and no problem in mainstream reception. His communication skills are immature. He is 5.6 but seems more like a young 4 year old IYSWIM.

OP posts:

TotalChaos · 26/02/2011 22:26

I wld use a can I formula for questions of this nature to flag it up to him, and possibly focus on questions in general, backed up with ? Visual

BialystockandBloom · 26/02/2011 22:43

You could try prompting him with the exact words he should be saying. ie "ds, say to piano teacher 'can I play my piece?' ".

Then make sure she responds with "yes of course you can" only when he asks her properly (using "can I").

Also try modelling this between you and dh/piano teacher/anyone else.

And practise with him when he makes requests for anything else (eg juice/food/story etc). Prompt him to say "can I have xyz", then make a big deal of saying "of course you can, you asked so nicely".

(in ABA-speak this sounds a bit like echoic-to-mand transfer. If you want me to bore you to sleep any more info on this let me know )

Triggles · 26/02/2011 22:44

DS2 (4yo) has speech and language delay and has a horrible time flip-flopping his sentence forms all over the place. He often says "would you like" when he actually means "I would like.." which can be rather confusing to someone who doesn't know him well. We practice sentences as he is a repeater. So it's "may I please have..." prompting with lots of praise when he gets it right. It's still a work in progress though... but then he needs communication prompts a fair bit.

BialystockandBloom · 26/02/2011 23:18

Triggles, same here with my ds.

He often says things like "what would I like" when he means "I would like". We also prompt him with the exact words he should be saying, ie "ds, say 'I would like' xyz".

Also, lingle, put emphasis on the words he should be saying, while the prompt part of the sentance can be sotto voce, almost whispered. Eg "[quietly] say to piano teacher '[louder] can I play my piece'"

paranoid2 · 27/02/2011 10:32

My DT2 with some language issues is a bit similiar in that he will say " I will go and tell dad but he actually means "ask"and then he will go and say " Can I ??. However I know that he understands the concept its just he uses the wrong word. I was wondering if your ds thinks he is asking his piano teacher but he just says it incorrectly. Maybe mine is a different problem but all we do is prompt DT2 to say it correctly when he does it wrong

Original poster

lingle · 27/02/2011 10:53

thanks for those thoughtful answers.

total - can you expand a bit?

He can already deal with "say X to such and such a person". so "ask teacher "can I play my piece?"" is fine.

I think for him "ask" and "tell" are still the same word, the same concept. He hasn't split them yet IYSWIM. The problem only arises where the context doesn't make it obvious which one i mean - eg the piano teacher example. I might have been telling him to tell her, or I might have been telling him to ask her. Both would have been equally probably requests at that point. In other situations, he can rely on context/experience to guess which one people mean.

Bialy, I will take up your suggestion from your 4th paragraph, ie when he asks me a question, I will say "yes because you asked nicely".

I guess it shows that there is a hidden language problem still going on. I don't see much evidence of it nowadays so live a nice easy life talking normally to him.

OP posts:

PolarEyes · 27/02/2011 11:56

I think role-playing can help with that one.

e.g. Doctor and patient role-play

"doctor, doctor I hurt myself"

"tell me where it hurts"
-my foot

"can I ask how you did it"

I was dancing around and fell on a hedgehog

and reversing roles to reinforce, perhaps when in doctor role saying to begin with "I am going to ask you how that happened... I am going to tell you how to make it better" etc

Original poster

lingle · 27/02/2011 13:23

Ooh, clever.............

I like it.

His language is so good nowadays that I'm out of practice.

OP posts:

PolarEyes · 27/02/2011 14:54

I remember your posts about your DS2 ( I was Notfromaroundhere when I used to post more). really pleased he is doing so well.

My NTish(!) DS2 loves doctor/patient role play and I discovered it could be adapted to sort out his him/her he/she confusion.

TotalChaos · 27/02/2011 20:00

I was thinking of ways to flag up the ask as relating to a question, iyswim, which cld either be with a visual, or if you add something on, eg, ask piano teacher if you have a lesson tomorrow, its a question, so she may say yes or no... Also if he asks you something, say back, you are asking me if you can have more juice.

RaggedRobin · 27/02/2011 21:55

that's funny lingle, one of the few confusions that my ds still has is with ask/tell. i'll borrow some of the ideas from this thread!

Original poster

lingle · 28/02/2011 19:37

oh I get it total. yes, I'm with you now....

ragged- isn't that interesting? we should have written that book you know girls......clearly, ask/tell is more abstract/more confusing than it seems as in adult

how is your DS Ragged? starting school now?

OP posts:

veryoldmother · 01/03/2011 08:34

My DS 5.8 still occasionally mixes these up. He had no language difficulties although was probably on the slower side of normal to get through the stages......

RaggedRobin · 02/03/2011 00:01

he starts school in august, lingle. he's been attending a fantastic language unit 2 mornings a week and has just finished his last o.t. course. i'm feeling really confident about him starting school (he'll be 5.8) as he has made so much progress.

glad to hear your ds2 is having no problems at reception. the extra year clearly gave both of them the time they needed to become more confident communicators!

tabulahrasa · 02/03/2011 00:14

ask is getting information, tell is giving it

you could have something (this is off the top of my head btw, so may well be rubbish, lol) I dunno, blocks? With ask and tell on them

so that they could be handed over appropriately - ie when he asks something, you give him ask, when he tells you something he gives you tell and vice versa?

or just one object that's handed over for tell and back to him for ask?

I don't even know if that makes sense, but I'm trying to think of something that would re-enforce the concept rather than just rote learning some questions and statements

zzzzz · 02/03/2011 14:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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