ADHD & ODD, Feel I cant cope..

[joelou05]

Sos in advance for the long rant but Im at my wits end and I dont know what to do. I am a sahm to 2kids.
DS(5) and DD(3). I am off work with depression for the past few months. My ds has adhd and odd and attends a special needs school whilst dd is at home with me.
I dont know how to cope with ds anymore. He is so difficult he goes again the grain all the time. He whinges incessently from morning till nite. He is constantly getting into things he should not be finds trouble with everyday situations for example if I leave him alone in the kitchen he will be opening the fridge, presses, climbing this is everyday and everytime. We have the back yard fenced off and its quite big but I cannot take my eyes off him for a second as he is always trying to get out of the yard and will use any means possible. If its a bad day and I keep the doors locked to keep him in he has on several occasions gotton out the bedroom window on me. These are just a few examples of how he tests the boundries.
I have tried every form of disipline, nothing works he will go straight back and do the same thing again.
He is on melatonin for sleep which knocks him out in the evenings but he still wakes anything from 6-8 times a night.
We had his bloods done about 2months ago to see if he will suit to be put on Ritalin during the day still waiting on results from same.
He winds me up so much and he knows it and smirks at me when I try to disipline him. He sometimes lashs out violently at my dd for the slightest reason and that worries me.
I am at the stage where I feel I dont like him anymore and it kills me. My dh is trying his best to help me but he works full time and I hate worrying him, but the fact is he is worried about me.
All my life all I have ever wanted is to be a mother I thought I could be really good at it but I feel like such a failure! Every little thing ds does bugs me I am constantly loosing my temper and screaming at him (totally wrong I know)
There is no support out there. He attends enable Ireland for speech and language therapy and I have seen the psychologist in there but he only talks to me and makes suggestions on what I could do nothing works!
None of my family offer to help us out in anyway with him as he is so difficult.
Surely its not normal for a mother to feel this way about their child. I feel so alone.
Sorry if its a bit all over the place I just had to get it out....

i dont have anything particularly constructive to say but its OKAY to feel like this you need support and a rest by sounds of it, how log will it be till results come back, can you ring and chase them?my DS is ASD but hes very violent and angry all the time right now going through a transistion period plus we have the different situation of school hols which always puts him out, can you change the time of night you give the melatonin ? or up the dose?when hes not in a bad mood can you sit down and try and chat about it , how old is he? i certainly know where your comming from i feel a useless mum like ive failed him and my DH and my other DC like nothing i do is right and if i please one i upset the other it makes you want to scream doesnt it id still chat to your DH and try and rush through the results to get the ritalin as your so desperate whatever you do try and not shout or do anything worse no matter how hard he pushes you walk outside if you have to call a relative/friend to come round for back up just for yourself really not asking them to look after him just to be there for YOU , i do know how that feels too my family and my DH are non existant my mum was fantastic like a second mum to my DS and my other Dc but she died so now ive just one friend who i can trust with him as she has children with SEN too so she really understands him, and be asured you are not alone were all here for you

Hi joe. So sorry you are feeling this way, believe me you are not alone.
I also had these dreams of being a wonderful mother, but the difficult behaviour of some children with SN is so difficult to handle that sometimes nothing works (in my case its my DS1).

I have my ups and downs, days when I feel like a failure, upset that my poor little DS2 has to go through this and experience this horrible behaviour from his older brother. Then there are days when DS's behaviour has a slight improvement and I think we maybe turning a corner.

I hope ritalin works for you. Please dont feel like a failure, you are not.

Presumably if he attends Enable Ireland for S& L Therapy you are in Ireland, how far away from Belfast are you? There is an adhd charity - add.ni (think their website is being updated atm) it's a fantastic resource with a number of things that could help - if you aren't too far away x

Joe, I think every parent of a child with SEN has days where it seems too hard and utterly overwhelming. You are not alone. If it helps to have a bit of light at the end of the tunnel, I have 3 children with ADHD, two of whom are taking ritalin at the moment. The benefit is quite amazing. One of the biggest things I found was how less stressed and manic the energy in the house seemed. I also came to appreciate how negative I had become in my parenting which fed into a vicious cycle with the children. I don't let it eat me up though, because what matters is how we go forward.
It is really hard, but it will get better.
It sounds like your husband is a great support. My DH really likes to do things - it makes him feel better - so it might be a good idea to ask your husband to chase up the blood tests and push for specialist appointments. Two months is a terrible wait - the tests should only take 2 or 3 days.
Perhaps your DH could investigate support groups. I know it seems hard to get out and meet people, but I can't tell you how reassuring it is to find other people in the same boat who get what you are going through.