My ds became very upset last night.

[macwoozy]

My ds said something last night that has made me far more upset than I would have expected. It's the first time he's mentioned anything with regards to his difficulties due to his HFA.

I was explaining something to him but he wasn't understanding what I'd meant. He asked me if I was making a joke, as he doesn't get jokes but when I explained it wasn't a joke, he began crying and started shouting " I don't understand you, I don't understand anyone".

That upset me so much, he was so distressed and angry. I felt it was the first time he realised that he wasn't the same as his peers. He's only 5 1/2, I wasn't expecting this awareness so soon.

So, it got me wondering what's the average age of HFA children to realise that they might be a bit different. Have any of your children said anything concerning their difficulties?

Oh Macwoozy, I know nothing about HFA, but just wanted to say I am welling up on your behalf.
Hopefully someone more useful will be along in a minute, peple who have talked to their kids about this.
Poor you, poor him.

Thanks Blu

Not yet, macwoozy but I am not looking forward to it when he does. He does take everything absolutely literally unless you telegraph that it is a joke.

sorry im new to MN and still not quite sure what all the abreviations are...what is HFA?

my son has just turned 5 and he has started noticing that he get streated differently at school.
it is heartbreaking it really is.
what do you say to a 5 year old when he asks why he cant join in with all the other children and you know it has nothing to do with anything but the fact hehas a crap school who have no desire to allow him to integrate.

HFA = high-functioning autism

Macwoozy - That sounds so sad. Ds1 is not quite 5.5yrs old and still seems fairly oblivious. It used to upset him that he was never invited to birthday parties but now he just doesn't doesn't expect to be asked and so it doesn't seem to bother him anymore.

There are some books written to explain autism to children but atm I can't for the life of me remember what they are called. Hopefully someone on here will know.

Thanks coppertop, I have got one book written by a young boy with Aspergers, but I'm not sure if my ds is capable of understanding too much at the moment. Autism is a fairly familiar word for him but I'm scared to explain too much, I don't want him to feel even more alienated. It's a hard one isn't it?

Madmummy I'd definitely have a word with the school. I think it's really important at this age to get as much experience of playing with other children to improve their social skills, otherwise what chance have they got when they're older and have to go a larger school. It is heartbreaking isn't it.

Dino my son is becoming very literal as well, more obvious now he's getting older.

macwoozy, just wanted to send hugs. I know Monica has had this experience with her DD, who is very aware of her AS, and hopefully she will be on soon.

Thanks JakBat

Macwoozy,

My 5 year ols son Henry was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism (Aspergers) last June. He often gets very upset about understanding either his or ours of him.

Henry knows he has Aspergers and that it makes his brain have silly turns as he explains to other children, or that he has short circuits like a broken tv, thats how he explains it to adults. He has a great interset in anything medical and this has helped a lot, I try to answer any of his questions honestly and he normally understands.

He does struggle with things such as jokes and sayings, but that is to be expected.

We have several books on Aspergers and Henry has read most of them (He also has suspected Hyperlexia, he reads everything). One particular book is called

"Can I tell you about Asperger Syndrome?"

It is really meant for friends and family of child/adult, but it is written in very simple terms, with a simple illistaration and caption and then a more in depth, but still clear explination for each of various aspects of Aspergers syndrome.

Thanks tensing, I'll check that book out.

I've explained to my ds before that he has autism and that he sometimes thinks differently but I'm wondering if he's going to need more of a explanation now he's becoming a bit more aware, especially since the remark he made the other night. He still is emotionally immature and very rarely speaks of his emotions so I'm really not sure how much information he needs right now. I'll broach the subject carefully and see what reaction I get. I'm just so scared that I'm going to reduce his already low self esteem. He's only 5, how can he cope with all of this?

My ds has also been referred to the child mental health team due to his escalating aggression and anger. Does anyone know how they go about helping us. Is the help aimed more for me so that I can manage his aggression, or will he get the help to manage his own anger and aggression. Just wondered if any of you have recieved that sort of help and if it really did make a difference.

It's going to be 101 questions now I've got my own thread

Hi Macwoozy - my ds is 8 and is AS/ADHD. I told him he was ADHD some time ago, and more recently about the AS as we were watching Junior Mastermind and the lad on there was AS.

After chatting on a thread here, I bought two books - one about ADHD ("Only a mother could love him" by Ben Polis - excellent) and "Learning to slow down and pay attention" - written specifically for young people). I also started reading a book I bought from the Special Needs Exhibition last year called "What is Asperger syndrome, and how will it affect me? a guide for young people" by the NAS.

Although he has a good vocabulary and is very bright, he just couldn't comprehend what the book was telling him, so for the time being I have left it.

My ds is very aware that he is "different" - for instance last week, a lad had ran up to him with 2 friends and said "I saw you in the car as we were walking past the church", to which ds replied "that's a adverbial phrase". The kids' faces dropped, they just didn't know what to say and ran away and played.

I asked what he had said, having seen the kids faces and he told me - also that he thought his friends thought he was weird. Then he said he felt like an alien, which really upset me. What could I say when he was just about to go to class?

There are some excellent book out there, it's just finding them. Jessica Kingsley Publishers do some excellent books on Autism and AS: this is my first link so I hope it works!

take a look atthis

The link worked! i am in shock! Just to say, his comment was "that is an adverbial phrase" not "a" - he got it right.

Chocol8, thanks for that link. So many books, looks like my credit card will get a battering once again.

I feel for your ds, I really do, how awful that he feels the way he does. Sometimes I get so upset for my ds that I just want to take him away and protect him from everyone. It seems that the older he's becoming the crueler life becomes. (Is there such a word?? ]

Thanks again for that link.

Macwoozy - you're welcome - i'm just glad it worked!

Yes, I feel sorry for him too, and so I trotted off to the school early this morning to speak to his headmistress. He had his 3rd detention today and works himself up about it so much that he then starts self harming. The head was unaware of this and said that there are a small amount of children that don't respond well to detentions, so they would try a different tact.

After the half term they will push the reward rather than the sanction and give him a house point or something 'valuable' rather than telling him the punishment for doing xyz. He is not a badly behaved child (at school) and is so honest - he never lies - but he gets into trouble as others will tell the teacher it was him when it wasn't. His manners are impeccable and he is very caring, but he just can't interact on the same level as his peers.

I am exactly the same as you - I want to take him away and wrap him a duvet and just hold him so that no one can hurt him anymore. Every day holds confusion for him - sometimes I could just cry.

I don't think I like the idea of AS children having detentions, especially if your ds's experiences of it is anything to go by. I very much doubt a detention would be effective with my ds. He is so impulsive and never thinks about the consequences of his actions, so the fear of a possible detention if he does anything considered naughty wouldn't even enter his head. It's good to hear that your ds's school has listened to you and will now go down the reward rather than punishment route. I think the school years are bad enough for our children without adding any extra stresses. In my ds's case the school allow him to play with his toy cars for a while if he shows good behaviiour, it helps to calm him too.

Your ds sounds charming, how terrible that he resorts to self harming in anticipation of a detention. Poor lad.