Sometimes you wonder why you bother...

[chocoholic]

What do I do when my DS starts screaming and wailing at someone else's house during dinner. Do you up and leave mid meal? Do you keep going thinking it might get better? It just seems so rude no matter what I do.

He has HF ASD and is really going through a crying, wailing, screaming agressive phase.

I just feel such an absolute failure as he hits me and screams out how much he hates everything that has been offered to eat.

We are lucky in that we have such good friends who still ask us but it really is horrible sometimes.

Not really looking for answers, just want someone to pat me on the head and tell me it's OK.

It's ok :) even though it feels horrible. I had a doctorsappointment today and hey rushed me in thinking ds was in serious pain but I said no he just screams when we leave the house... Sorry .... How embarrassing lol. Just know that if they are good friends they will understand

Thanks Hanaka, it just gets me down somedays.

Join the club! You have to get down and cry to release the tension and then get ready for more fights :) feel free to pm me whenever you need a good moan. I find it hard to find someone who understands to moan to

With my dd's (AS and HFA) i would let them get down from the table (the host should be understanding if they know your child has sn's), i wouldn't make them eat anything they didn't like the look of. Dd1 screamed at x-mas dinner last year at my dads house as they gave her a prawn cocktail (she's a fussy eater and would no way touch prawns), she then continued to cry through the main course and only ate a roast spud. If its possible you could sit him somewhere else with a small plate of something and a colouring book.

its ok weve all been there not much comfort when your i know but im afraid as my son has so many food dislikes his diet is so limited that i never go anywhere without either feeding him first or taking his favorites with us, some might say thats not good i disagree its not pandering to his whimsit would be if it were my other NT DC yes)but he has sensory problems, he doesnt like the way a lot of food feels in his mouth or smells its not just the taste but textures he would do the same presented with what to us looks delicious and smells divine he will scream and wail and usually go without however hungry he was quite under weight because of this fit and well but under weight now hes discoverd a certain cake omg (has to be the exact one) and he wants it morning noon and night but one good things happened he's the right weight but its not too good for the old gnashers lol

Lmao at the cake BB!! My ds is cherry tomatoes!! He doesn't take fruit to school but a pot of cherry tomatoes... I'm sure they think I'm crackers

Thank you.

DH just walked in with chocolate and wine so had a sob and things seem better already.

They are lovely friends and completely understand if he eats nothing or gets down. I think it's just me getting over the fact that they are OK with it and that is how he is.

The realisation just hits with a thud sometimes.

:) sometimes it does. At least you have good friends supporting you. I lost most of my friends and family because they are ashamed of DS (so I'm ashamed of them... Ha) I bet there are so many things about himyou wouldn't change! NT kids come with some hard to deal with personality traits too... At least he isn't just being spoilt and moody.
The thing I wouldn't change is his obsessive staring at people he knows and likes (apparently sensory but it's bloody cute)
if he didn't have his problems he wouldn't do this... He also might not tell the truth all the time. What wouldn't you change?

I've given in these days and just take the iPod touch along. I used to get worried about too much screen time etc but figure that the rest of the family deserve a normal life occasionally If the only way DS2 can get through it is with his earphones on and playing a game then 'oh well'. It's not all day every day. Even DS 3 who's 8 doesn't get jealous anymore that DS2 gets away with it sometimes.

Would that sort of thing work with your DS or are you still hoping for slightly more NT behaviour? I just had to forgive myself for giving in occasionally.

hes extra huggable and kisses me in the middle of the supermarket full on slobbery ones lol anywhere really how many 10 year olds kiss you wave n shout bye mummy outside school ,when my other NT DC's were that age they had stopped doing that just incase their mates / anyone saw them and thought they were soppy and he still sits on my knee all the time i cant remember the last time his Big brother did anything like that but he is 15

Any family or friends that invited us over for a meal know about DS2's sn's, so would understand that I generally bring along something that I KNOW he will eat if needed. We ALWAYS encourage him to try what's being offered, without letting him know we have a backup (he never seems to remember anyway ), but if he becomes distressed, then we bring out the backup. Often it's something as simple as bread and butter sandwich and an apple. He'll quite happily sit and eat that. But otherwise he will refuse to eat at all, and he simply can't afford to lose weight or go without many meals.

My approach is to avoid stressy social meet ups and to continue with the few successful ones.

Thanks for replying everyone.
We usually muddle through when we are out and I do usually make sure he has something around he will eat. We have just had a couple of times in the last 2 weeks when he won't even have things he likes which has thrown me.

I really must remember that it doesn't make me a bad mum if he needs to do something that NT kids don't. I don't always give him enough allowances for being different, especially when we are with friends.

I coped better on Sat. Took him to the cinema for a treat. We walked in, bought sweets, went into the screen, he screamed, we walked out, we ate sweets in the car!

Well done chocoholic, rather expensive sweets in the car, but chalked up to experience. Strangely we go to the cinema quite often as it's the only way DS2 will stay put and watch a whole film. No chance at home!