Counselling for siblings any experience?

[Gotabookaboutit]

I have an older DS 12 with ASD and ADHD - doing ok but very challenging between 4-9 - Also have a younger DS now 8 - DS2 has always been very placid and generally well behaved the past year but always a bit socially reserved he has become quite anti social and on a couple of occasions quite aggressive and has been in trouble at school.

I have arranged for some play therapy counselling as at a bit of aloss as how to deal with this - I know a lot of his formative years were when DS1 was ''at his worst'' and he has not always had the 121 attention but has been generally ok

Does anyone have any experiences of play therapy and is it likerly to help? (COst loads !! but wortth it if its effective)

I'd steer well clear and instead spend my money on some nice time together as a family.

Any particular reason moondog - must say DH not keen and we have only just had a sw for DS 1 who is as useful as chocolate t pot, but very opinionated and am afraid of her getting involved

There's no evidence for play therapy for a start.
No way of measuring if it's effective.

I'd go as far as to suggest thsat those who peddle it are charlatans.

I don't really hold with pathologising issues and passing thme into the hands of people who will charge you a lot of money for..what exactly???

Walks, picnics, swimming, cooking, cycling, just being together as a loving supportive family.
No better therapy

I do see that Moondog and we do lots of that already as much as is possible with a very dominant personality like my eldest. The problem is the learned behaviour from the elder sibling which I think is reinforced by ''family stuff'' as he adore his older brother who is very charismatic.

How do I get him to unlearn the behaviour when he see's it all the time? genuine question - I have read and admire a lot of your pragmatic approach

Oh well, it's good to know you have found some of it helpful.

Not that I want to portray myself as some guru of course. I just want to share some of the evidence based approaches that I have found can make a huge difference.

'The problem is the learned behaviour from the elder sibling which I think is reinforced by ''family stuff'' as he adore his older brother who is very charismatic.

How do I get him to unlearn the behaviour when he see's it all the time?'

I'm not sure what you mean by the above? Are you saying your youngest is trying out stuff he has seen his older brother use that gets him what he wants?

If that is the case, you can't really blame him for that.

You maybe need to be thinking about a consisten approach for both your boys. Would that be something you could do?

I'm am very consistent and but DS1 has adhd and Aspergers and behaviours associated with them - he can be very rough and occasionally aggressive and can be rude and lacks social skills. I do not tolerate them but they still occur and hence are seen by my Ds2. there are consequences if we left a soft play early as DS2 hit another boy and ment all our large party left early as well. So not quite sure how you mean consistent.?

And no my oldest does not ''get what he wants'' if he miss behaves - they are behaviours of his diablilty. He know he will get more ''attention'' tv time /etc if he is ''good'', he has an IQ of 140, but his lack of impulse control and interpersonal skills are not overridden by a brain the size of a planet.

So the behaviours are seen by your youngest but he also sees that these behaviours do not get your oldest any special treats or favours or concessions, because you do not tolerate them, yes?

Sounds good to me. If you have clear expectations on what behaviour you expect and consequences in place, then you are doing the best possible thing for both of them already.

Hi,

I have a similar situation with my two boys. Have you contact Sibs. They arranged for one of the family workers to telephone me and she had some good advice about helping my youngest. It is worth a go.

Your local NAS may run a group for siblings

I'd do as Jeanettef & corns suggest and contact SIBS- after speaking to them, I helped my DD cultivate a friendship with another girl who also had an ASD sibling as it's quite a big burden for them to bear and this has gone really well.

my problem is DS (asd) (10) likes to vent his anger on his older sibling who he adores hes like a shaddow but as they are so close thats who he vents his anger against most and the big problem is my DS wants to be same and copy his older sib and obviously he can not and thats what causes a lot of his rage

lol Thanks everyone - No Moondog I don't tolerate many behaviours to be honest but does not always mean they can be eliminated as they are not ''logical'' or consequence based reactions. I tend to use positive reinforment if possible, ignore if possible and shout very loudly occasionally :)

Personally, I have found that the loving family stuff isn't always enough and that it is quite possible for an NT sibling to develop permanent anger problems simply because their SN sibling needs so much more help and attention to function at all. It may be perfectly apparent to an adult observer that the SN sibling isn't "getting anywhere" with his behaviour- but it won't necessarily seem that way to a child who can't help noticing that mum's attention (even if it's negative attention) is taken up by managing the SN child.

All very well saying that there shouldn't be a problem that can't be solved by ordinary loving family things- but sometimes there is. My dd has needed counselling to cope with the fact that her brother is now also disabled. My friend organised counselling when her children were coping badly with her cancer- and that family certainly wasn't short on ordinary loving family time either. I don't think there is any shame in admitting that sometimes outsiders can help better, precisely because they are outsiders.

Did you dd find the counselling helpful Cory ?

She hasn't finished it yet, but yes, I do think it is helping.

and just to add another perspective, whether it's through counselling or extra curricular activities for our dc's which are beneficial and give our dc's space, you also needs to take care of yourself and ensure (if poss) that you have support managing your family x