Autism advice

[extremepie]

My son was recently diagnosed with 'classical autism'. He is nearly 3 and has virtually no speech, he tends to push or pull me in the direction of things he wants then cries until I guess it correctly which can get very frustrating!
I don't really have any friends with children, let alone any with children with special needs and am struggling to get some practical advise on dealing with his more 'challenging' behaviours. I also would really appriciate some advice on how to help him.
He doesn't have all the same characteristics of autism that I have read about on the net, in fact sometimes the opposite, he loves eye contact, cuddles and kisses and sometimes it's very difficult to put him down. When he's being very clingy I can't let go of him or leave the room without him screaming his lungs out, if I leave the house to go to the shop (literally a minute's walk down the road), I can still hear him from there.
This is concerning me because after about 2 months off work I am just about to start a new job and hate to think that my leaving the house every day will cause him so much distress.

I can't explain things to him, he just doesn't listen or understand

I was wondering if anyone has had any success with weight belts? Do they help?

He's not particularly concerned about routines (maybe because he's never really had one!), eats quite a wide range of food and loves anything spicy but lately he's been pushing all his food away and is not interested in eating much of anything. He's quite a tall boy and I've been told is quite underweight for his height but this will not improve if I'm struggling to get him to eat anything!

I've read somewhere that you should try to figure out what upsets him and 'sets him off' and try to avoid it but at the moment that just seems to be if I take away anything he's not allowed to play with (oven, lighters, etc..), and I can't just give in to him and let him get hurt! What do I do!
I'm also finding that his tantrums, while short-lived, are becoming quite physical. I know he doesn't try to hurt me on purpose but there have been so many occasions where I have received a head-butt to the face and ended up bleeding, with a cut lip, or in tears. I can't physically restrain him when he is being like this because he is so strong but I am worried it's only a matter of time before I lose a tooth!

Sorry for the rant, I'm not expecting anyone to be able to fix everything but just some advice for someone who has experienced some similar things and could give me some tips to try would be really helpful [happy]

Thanks for listening!

Would be great to chat on phone with you, have been where you are and know how hard it is (reckon 3 is hardest age). Will pm you.

The log book is a fantastic idea! Wish I had done one!!

We have been referred to a special needs behaviour specialist who has observed him in the home, in school and now will give us real advice that doesn't consist of super nanny nonsense. To get this however I had to go to a totally useless ( for me would be fantastic for nt kids) positive parenting course then the lady who ran it and could see it wouldn't help me referred me to 'kids' And got me a key worker at home.... Just keep calling for advice. Ur local childrens centre may know where to go and any groups u can join for a bit of moral support

He sounds just like my dd was at that age, she's 5 in a few weeks and is now verbal and understands instructions. Do you have a portage worker? (ours was great). We used PEC's with dd2 which eventually helped with the speach and understanding. I think 3 is a very hard age, he's going to get very frustrated if he cant get his point across so learning something like PEC'S or signing could be a great help (a way to comunicate with him), we also found music therapy good (gave her the confidence to make noise/speak). Also agree with the others about statementing (best thing we ever did).

Hi

Our DS lost his speech what little he had after his 3rd birthday. He is non verbal now . We use pecs and signs . Pecs will be good to teach as you can make up a book yourself using photos of items that he likes you can always have a look at ebay for one and then make up something similar yourself.

All you really need are: camera printer laminating machine around £10 and sheets these can be bought at the 99p store and a folder to keep them. That is how we started now we have moved on a bite and we use icons instead of pictures and have a small keyring when we are going out.

Hope this helps
Finally keep all paperwork relating to your son as you never know when you may need them I kept everything as we went to tribunal 4 years after diagnosis so you never know.

Just wanted to add I know you can't let him play with bad things (and I know how tempting it is to let him anyway!) but how I try and get round that is by always havin an alternative. So 'no you can't play with the lighter but let's watch a DVD instead' etc. Sorry it sounds simple but sometimes I found it helped when people pointed out the obvious to me, as your head gets so bogged up with it all!

Some fantastic answers and advice here.

My DS has ASD and is 3 so I can both empathise and sympathise. Are there any special needs centres in your area? I found one a few months ago and it's helped enormously. The staff and fantastic with DS and full of helpful info for parents/carers and the other parents are fab too. To take DS somewhere so caring where everyone understands is great. They also hold a monthly parental support group for ASD parents.

Here is the link

www.springcentre.org/

If you want to post your nearest town i'm happy to look for something similar.

Take care

www.springcentre.org

Just wanted to reiterate that PECS worked a treat with reducing my DSs frustration when he was 3. For some children Makaton works better but my ASD DS found it too abstract like speech and needed a concrete object like a Pecs card to initiate requests. Best of luck

Have you been provided with any info on local support groups? If not, contact whatever clinic/paed who diagnosed your ds and ask for info on all services and support available. Eg Earlybird course (for parents with children recently diagnosed), any SN drop-in services, including SALT. Also check the National Autistic Society website for local support groups.

In the meantime, definitely look at PECS and makaton to try and help with communication. Are you being offered any SALT assessment? Definitely should be if your ds is non-verbal.

You are absolutely right: you cannot give in to him, and it is much better to deal with this now rather than when he is 7/8/9/10 and much bigger! Remove anything that is remotely harmful from his reach - take everything out of the room, lock away or put everything that isn't safe out of reach, so you don't have to battle with him to remove things. If he tries to get to the oven or anything that you can't remove, pick him up and turn him away from it, with a firm "no". If he tantrums, ignore it. When my ds was just over 3 he went through a spitting/hitting phase, he used to pull at my top and spit on it to get my attention or if I had told him "no". I totally ignored it, and he stopped doing it within a few weeks as he realised it wasn't effective. Go overboard on praise everytime he does something good, or interacts with you in an appropriate way. As much as you can, give him the affection, cuddles and attention he wants when he is behaving as you would like him to. When he is having tantrums ignore it.

Where are you in the UK?

Going gluten and casein free really helped ds2, lots of info on here if you do a search. Good luck.

Our DS recently diagnosed with receptive language problems (auditory processing disorcer) which could be part of a bigger problem such as ASD. We have found some wonderful resources which have helped us to get him to understand / listen / hear more. If you are anywhere near SE London and want to chat, do PM me and I'd be more than happy to talk. It's really tough, but with the right help many non-verbal kids can make great progress. Also it can take a while to get SALT sessions, in the meantime visit the 'it takes two to talk' website and look at Laura Mize's stuff, she has great tutorials.

oh my gosh just read your message cant believe how much that is like my son, you feel so alone well i do i can hardly go out as my boy seems to be doing another thing each day he loves cuddles so affectionate but then he can clobber you one the next second like you said i have had punches head butts so upsetting, and i have done what the experts say ignore the tantrums in shops and that but it dont work for me he will go on for hours and hours about something that he wanted 5hrs ago but he wont give in it so tiring, there is nobody to talk to noboby comes to the house to give ideas sorry im going on x

There is help out there (people that will come to your house) its just hard to find . cerebra offer family support there are also helpers from banardos that can help with support and advice on schooling ect.

Its makes me angry that parents are not given the support and advice after diagnosis (just told your child has ASD but not told what you can do next).

I would recomend looking for a local support group as you can get great advice from othe parents who have been there.