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SN children

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Original poster

MORE advice on toilet training,want to give up!!!!

17 replies

chickensaresafehere · 25/02/2011 08:40

Have posted recently before about dd2(hypermobile,non-verbal)& toilet training,so apologies

Two weeks in & still no results,her understanding generally is quite good,but she is still weeing/pooing in her nappy & does not seem to care.Continence nurse advised books & singing on toilet,but she seems to see the toilet as a place where we do only that now!!!

Have tried a potty,but at 3.11,she really is too big for one.Her control is good,as she will hold it until she gets her nappy back on & then do it in there

I was determined to stick at it this time,as she starts school in September,but it is really wearing me down now!!Should I give up & try agin in the summer hols,am I hoping for quick results too soon,should I stick at it????

HELP!!!!

OP posts:

starfishmummy · 25/02/2011 08:53

No advice really as we are still struggling (ds 12!).
If you want to try the potty route try going through OT for a commode chair. We go through our NHS OT and then they go to the Social Services Community OTs - or you may be able to self refer directly. Social services have a statutory duty to provide toileting and bathing aids (may be different since the cuts) and you WON'T end up with a social worker!

Will it confuse your dd if you give up after such a big effort? On the other hand what are the practicalities of continuing now - is she in nursery and will they cooperate?

pinkorkid · 25/02/2011 09:15

Sorry if this is something you've already tried, but I remember reading suggestions about putting the nappy inside the potty where dcs are only comfortable with idea of weeing/pooing in the nappy. Also agree potty chair or commode chair likely to be more comfortable for her.

Our otherwise typically developing youngest dd was the slowest to train and was 4.10 and only 6 weeks before starting school when it finally clicked. Not sure if it was the star scheme for toy she really wanted that did it in the end or just that she was finally ready. But as your dd had good understanding, would you be able to try something similar to motivate her, perhaps using a social story to explain the stages and the result. Good luck.

intothewest · 25/02/2011 10:06

No advice - stick at it,though it is hard and wears you down !(ds 7 -'goes' on loo now ,but also in pants and doesn't seem to care)It took ages to get this far !

but if you feel you have to give up for now to save your sanity,I think your dd will be o.k,as we had to stop for a while with ds

It is interesting that she has control-maybe she will only do it when she is ready

Original poster

chickensaresafehere · 25/02/2011 10:34

pinkorkid have put the nappy in the potty,as she started to wee once & then panicked,so we then put the nappy in,but to no avail!!Might give the star scheme a go,although the promise of her fave choc didn't budge her!!!

starfishmummy nursery are very co-operative,continence nurse went into nursery to see her & advised them as well.Maybe a potty chair might be better,as she is all legs on the potty!!!And I'm sure she feels a bit scared high up on the toilet.

intothewestam wondering if she is simply just not ready(or is that my excuse).I'm sure she has control,but is just being stubborn & trying to tell me she isn't quite ready yet.

I was determined to stick to it,but if I give up will feel a failure & feel a failure about enough other stuff

OP posts:

shaz298 · 25/02/2011 11:40

My little boy was 4 yrs and6 months before he trained. We tried numerous times but nothing worked

The last attempt worked almost immediately and he was then dry at night too, all in one day!! I believe that when we tried before, he just wasn't ready.

ommmward · 25/02/2011 14:01

I think you need to take smaller steps.

So she holds it till she gets a nappy on. That's a great first step!

Next you need to move things so that that happens in the bathroom. And when that is established (it might take a week or a month), then you have her standing right next to the loo. Then sitting on the loo with nappy. Then you gradually move towards dropping the poo down the loo, or undoing the nappy when she has started weeing etc etc etc

Expect the process to take a year. Whenever there is a teeny step towards independent toileting, celebrate. Allow lots of time for plateaus.

I was always an advocate of waiting until a child is ready, and I certainly wouldn't be pushing a 3 year old - but I have seen mothers of 5 year olds who finally needed to feel they were doing something to kickstart the process, and breaking it down into teeny weeny stages helped them

bettyboop63 · 25/02/2011 14:39

from my own experience training a SN DC to use potty or loo is the same as how you train any NT DC but just takes a lot longer, ive seen on here all the diff ideas which are all of course worth a try but at the end of the day if the times right she will learn if and when shes ready if shes happily still doing it in a nappy or pull up and it doesnt work offering her fave treats its probably not time yet so best leave it a few months and try again my advice is summer when maybe she can go around less dressed IYSWIM my two NT were dry day and night by 2 but my DS (ASD) was still in pull ups at 8 and still isnt dry at night and weve tried everything i think its to do with sensory issues in his case as he feels comfortable wet

IndigoBell · 25/02/2011 17:04

she started to wee once & then panicked

Is there any chance it's the sound of the wee hitting the pan that panicked her?

Maybe you could try pouring water into the pan together and laughing at the sound and asking her if she could do that with her wees?

Sputnik · 25/02/2011 20:50

I am with ommmward, we used a similar method with NT DD who would only poo in a nappy. I would sit her on the toilet in the nappy then loosened it gradually until she was effectively pooing into the toilet. Recently I was told to try a similar approach for ASD DS.
Playing in the bathroom and making it a fun place definitly a good idea, have toys she likes etc.

bettyboop63 · 26/02/2011 12:24

i tried that toys ect in the loo reading on the loo putting paper down the loo so it doesnt make the noise,,, one of the other things even now he does poo on the loo (just before bed every night , he never goes the rest of the day he waits to use our upstair's loo at 9.30 before bed) he will now thankfully wee on anyones loo but not the school ones he say's there too smelly ,(cant argue with that , they are lol)but the toys in the loo apart from DS liking to put everything in his mouth back then didnt work as he seemed to think it was HIS room and just a room to play in not poop in grrrr he wouldnt let anyone else go to the loo in there in the end, but still i guess this must work for some DC's you get so desperate you will do anything dont you

hotmamalovespavlova · 26/02/2011 16:46

We are in a like situation dd 3.7asd, dry day and night for well over a year but will not poo in the toilet screams, gets very anxious and aggressive or will hold it.
She will ask for a nappy and go imediately then be changed-we have taken to having her sit on the toilet in the nappy and completing the clean up in there but can not progress it any further.I am 'not allowed' to undo one side.
We also start school in September and it worries me her being left in a dirty nappy or them trying to force her to use a toilet which will make her very distressed.

bettyboop63 · 26/02/2011 16:52

hotmama its ok they were very nice about it with me she wont be the only one they didnt force my Dc they asked the others before break ect to line up to use the loo and he just carried on with ahatever they had been doing he used to help tydy up then join the queue if lunch just at end to wash his hands and we gave spare nappies/ pullups wipes ect to the school which they used discreatley as DS even at that age was aware he didnt want his peers to know so go along and have a chat with them to make arrangements it will be ok stop worrying

bettyboop63 · 26/02/2011 16:55

forgot to say DS (still does it now ) and according to paed nurse says its common and a lot of DC hold it all day like my DS does until home and in his own toilet if shes dry now ect i expect thats what she will do

hotmamalovespavlova · 26/02/2011 19:10

Betty- Good to hear a school handling it well, does you ds have a statement for school or did the school just accept that they would need to assist with personal care?

madwomanintheattic · 28/02/2011 04:26

betty we have similar issues with ds1. now 9 and frequently wets and soils. our paed now telling me it's quite normal, despite having tried for the last 4 years to sort it out . he's not in pull-ups though, and school are ignoring it. i have to go in and tell them if he was wet or soiled as they don't seem to notice...

he won't tell them and he doesn't care if he's wet or dirty, really. he's had a few sensory issues with food etc, we've had a few dx suggested, but generally he mostly passes as nt... are you getting any help from continece service etc? are they still working with you to resolve or have they left it to you now? i sort of feel as though i've been abandoned!

bettyboop63 · 28/02/2011 18:32

yes hotmamalovespavlova its the only aspect they were good in though hes 10 now he didnt have a statement then no, but they were good in that area i have to admit the rest of the time he was ignored they couldnt handle/ be bothered to handle him he just played in the corner on the car mat all the time even when story time.
madwomanintheatticthe paed told me he would be ok he just plainly wasnt 8 and still soiling in the day hes conqured it now at 10 but still wet at night im going to give it another whirl this summer (again) buy more sheets and mattress protector i dont like pushing it though as he has such issues thinking hes a failier and useless he dislikes himself from years of bullying i dont want to make him think hes failed YET again and i was never ever even by the male paed nurse who came to my home told i could get nappies from the continence service either ive only found out a few weeks ago when i joined MN they helped me for a year when he was 4 and as their suggestions didnt work (they only suggested the obvious id already tried) as im a mum of 3 id already done it before , they suggested stickers , rewards, put toys in the loo, read while on the loo, letting DS watch us go to the loo, put nappy in the potty , flush the loo put yr hand in the spray so not scared of the flush (never was i tried to tell them that) but yep i was deserted after that even though i was telling them he had other "problems" they just ignored me, in the end i decided im not going to keep upsetting him day in day out making him fed up and stressedill take each day with it as it comes so when he was 6 i brought two buckets took him out of pullups at home kept them on in school as he was scared he would have an accident , and spent next two years washing and soaking his undies i must have shares in the underware industry lol id buy new undies every time i went in asda lol but he got better when I stopped getting so upset

madwomanintheattic · 01/03/2011 02:37

[also have shares in the underwear industry emoticon]
so glad he's getting the hang of it. ds only wears pull ups at night but is frequently wet and dirty in the day. night time is a disaster tbh - plastic sheets, but he soaks through the pull-ups pretty much every day, so my washing machine is knackered from having to wash sheets, duvet covers and duvets all the time...
leaving pants to soak is a good idea - can't think why i haven't thought of that! i did it accidentally last week, as i was handwashing 3 pairs before we went away for half term and got distracted so they soaked for a week! maybe a couple of buckets would be a good investment and save my sanity - my laundry room is a pretty grim affair!

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