help/advise needed for SN Teen please

[CurlyWurly365]

Hi all :)

I've already posted this in SN Teens but its been suggested that I post here too so here goes...

I'm currently waiting for a formal diagnosis for my DS for a Social Communication Disorder. I've known that things have needed looking into for a very long time but it has difficult to get professionals to take me seriously/do anything about it :( Hence a rather late diagnosis as he is now 13 (14 in April).

He has shown behavioural problems since about 16 months old. I separated from his dad when he was 7 months old and behaviour was often put down to contact visits unsettling him. But I wasn't convinced. We now have nothing to do with his dad and (without going into too much detail) as my DS got older I found out that there had been abuse from his father. DS still showed behavioural problems but it was then put down to what had happened with his dad. I agree that this will have affected him but still felt it wasn't as black and white as that. Now I finally have GP, school and Paediatrician on side, I feel we can finally get somewhere

I would love to hear from any mums who have similar issues and how they deal with them.
DS gets frustrated with himself very easily if he can't do something or if he doesn't understand something. He can have violent outburts (bedroom wall has a number of holes in and numerous things have been broken in the house) and this violence is sometimes directed at me, although not as often as it used to be. He also lies a lot and has a bad memory (for things I ask him to do!) and he often misunderstands what I'm saying. He has also said to me that he feels like he's different.

Thanks in advance for your replies :)

firstly so sorry your going through such a bad time atm my sons ASD and 10 and he is also going through a particularly bad time right now and has become very agressive my son was a late dx as well although he had very obvious traits from age 2,have you a statement? maybe he needs to get together local with a teen group for people with SEN we have one local where i live you could google that and see if there are ay books for him to read so he can understand whatit is once you have a dx i expect what with his past experiences and becoming a teen (the puberty things hard enough normally for a lot of teens) they go through this but probably in milder form , he has so much to cope with i dont expect he knows if hes comming or going , has he been seen by CAMHS? i really think one of the best things for him is to meet up with some like minded teens who he can relate to but maybe someone else has a better idea in the meantime lots of hugs when he allows you and tea and sympathy ,,,a bottle vino a nice gorly flick and choccie for you xx

gorly girly even lol

Hi. Maybe it would help your boy feel less different if you found a local group for kids on the spectrum as betty suggested, or if he likes reading if he read some books about it ,so he would know there are others facing the same issues.

Has he had any speech therapy , just wondered because you mentioned him misunderstanding you, as that might be stressing him out and making behaviour worse if hes having difficulty understanding.

hi curly i just wanted to let you know your not on your own my dd has been diagnosed with asd she gets violent because she has apd and gets confused about what's been said to her. as for the dad thing we went down the same path no contact anymore because him and his new wife are violent to children but as ss say it's ok it must be (they work with primary school children)

Thanks bettyboop (good name!) DS doesn't have a statement, I've always been given the impression that he's not really bad enough for that although I must admit its one of the areas where I've yet to do much research...there's only so many hours in the day! We were seing someone from CAMHS but they weren't much use really. I will look for a local group and suggest it to him, although he's not usually very keen on going to things if he doesn't know anyone but we'll see :) Fortunately he still likes hugs most of the time and we have a very close relationship so I think that helps :o Love the movie idea but no wine and chocs for me at the moment...I'm on the Dukan Diet!!

Thanks TotalChaos, we haven't really tried much as yet as we don't really know what we're dealing with and, therefore, where we can go for help. Mumsnet is proving invaluable though so thanks everyone! I'd never really considered speech therapy as his speech has always been amazing (which I now know is a possible sign of asd) but if that would help with understanding then I will definitely look into it.

Hi davidsotherhalf, thanks for your support, I do feel like I'm on my own with this a bit sometimes as single parent (and have been for soooo long!). The violence is difficult to cope with isn't it as you need to try and strike the balance between understanding but still letting them know its not an acceptable. And don't get me started on Social Services they are apalling! Have I got this right SS are aware of your ex and his partners behaviour but they are still able to work with children? The Police are just as bad, they arrested my son's dad but decided to take his word over ds and he was released and it was taken no further. How do you explain that to a child that you've brought up to believe that you should always tell the truth and if you do something wrong, especially breaking the law, then you get into trouble

I found People With Autism Behaving Badly (from Amazon) really helpful when DS was going through a really bad patch.

Thanks starterfor10, I will have a look at that. I've got a lot of reading to do!