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SN children

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Original poster

What to do re arunning off in public?

32 replies

used2bthin · 19/02/2011 22:58

DD is large for her age but seriously delayed in her language and ability to understand which affects her socially and emotionally. I don't know for sure what she understands without language but in a way its irrelevant I suppose.

Anyway going out with her is getting really hard, she doesn't walk in a straight line even and runs off, lies on the floor, makes a lot of noise etc, grabs at things on shelves.

Her buggy is ok but she is huge so it won't be for long and she looks too big for it. And I can't strap her in so she just wlaks off often tipping it if there is stuff hanging on it (like today which sent a bottle of olive oil on the floor).

Really not got money for a £250 buggy but looked at the maclaren major today online or is this taking the easy route? I want to teach her to walk next to me but it doesnt feel possible yet and it could be dangerous, I already limit where I take her and avoid shops etc where possible but I have to do stuff like that sometimes. What would you do?

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Marne · 20/02/2011 08:08

We use a 'liitle life' bakpack. Dd2 is 5 and i often squeeze her into her buggy if we go shopping. Dd2 is a night-mare to take shopping, as soon as she spots elc she freezes . You can pick up a MacMajor on e-bay for around £100, we bought one last year but sold it at the end of the summer as i thought dd would be ok to walk this year, wish i had kept hold of it now , we have an old mountain buggy which she fits in (with the hood down).

willowthecat · 20/02/2011 08:27

I am sure I have a little life backpack somewhere that I don't need - can post it on to you ?

Original poster

used2bthin · 20/02/2011 09:42

Oh thank you willowthecat that is really kind but we actually have one! ven't used it for ages so hadn't thought of that but will give it a try before I think about a sn buggy. She often lies on the floor and won't budge so I suspect she may do that but I think its worth a try and will take it out with us today and see what happens. If nothing else I wonder if she would respond to "if you run off you have to wear it" type of thing.

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Original poster

used2bthin · 20/02/2011 10:05

Also any tips on not going insane when your DD just repeats everything! She has just asked for more weetabix, I said sorry its all gone and signed gone. She just keeps on and on with more weetabix please. At least she is saying please but it doesn't seem to register with her if I say no to something. I really want to stay calm with her and have positive behaviour startegies (see confidence thread!) but crikey it is hard sometimes with not knowing when she is not understanding or frustrated due to language stuff and what is plain old behaviour problems!

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Triggles · 20/02/2011 10:49

Just a question on those little life backpacks - I notice the pictures don't show the straps, but it says shoulder and chest straps. So it has a strap across the chest, so they can't just slip out of the backpack shoulder straps and run? We were looking at this for our 4yo as he is a runner, and we thought it might be better than reins at his age. But not sure...

willowthecat · 20/02/2011 11:28

They are not designed for SN but has fastening at front

shazian · 20/02/2011 12:40

used2bthin you are describing my ds age 10 to a T. He always jumps up & down, rolls about on ground no matter what the weather, grabs at things on selves in supermarkets etc. He too makes lots of noises though is completely non verbal. I used to have major buggy but he kept tipping up cos way too big for it. Now have wheelchair which was provided for me, paediatrician arranged. I could not take ds out without it, he only walks when can be bothered and wont move if busy but feels secure in his chair. Get on to your HV, Paediatrician or SS who should be able to arrange either mclaren major or wheelchair (whichever suits YOU best). Good luck :)

willowthecat · 20/02/2011 12:53

About the repeating issue - we used to get this too and still do to some extent (he's 6) but I think really we created/re inforced the behaviour by always giving anything he verbally requested usually with lots of praise - he could not speak at all until 3.6 ish . We feared not giving him things in case it made him stop learning new words but in time we did have to start saying no or all gone more forcefully! His NT brother (4) is also a nightmare though and will not accept that what he wants is not always in the cupboard !

ommmward · 20/02/2011 13:15

the repeating: If possible, I'd use the obsession to try to keep the child engaged. so if they are asking for more weetabix please, the answer is "yes! let's go to the shop to get some. First we'll put our shoes on, then we'll go to the shop" or whatever. So use the repetitions as a means of getting one step closer to being dressed and ready to go. And if the child loses interest, then that's fine!

Rolling on floor - may be a sign of sensory overwhelm? And then it depends what kind of overwhelm, but if it's sound then ear defenders help. Might dark glasses help for visual overwhelm? And when it's happening, I would stay really focused on the child, get down low next to them, and try to help meet whatever that sensory need is, which might mean giving them a really good squeeze on each foot in turn, then each hand in turn, then their torso etc etc. Learning to do "a squash and a squeeze" in public places was like a magic wand for us, and the rolling around in public almost completely disappeared in a few months.

Go to local friendly shops rather than a big supermarket? Or conversely, go to a nice anonymous big supermarket so you feel less self-conscious?

hth

ommmward · 20/02/2011 13:16

Didn't even mention the running off - there's someone here who used some teenagers, I think, to train a runner, by having them just shepherd the child back to the parent every time they ran, and gradually the child learned without stress to stay close by.

Original poster

used2bthin · 21/02/2011 08:29

Thanks for the replies. Shazian it must be harder the bigger they get! I am not sure whether Ss or Hv would help I will ring her inclusion teacher I think for advice but bet I will get behaviour strategies, I think it doesn't help that we have no diagnosis as such (other than a genetic condition which is well managed so shouldnt be a factor). We are seeing the developmental paed again soon maybe its the kind of thing she will advise on. I wonder sometimes if I am making life hard on myself as untill recently I gave myself a hard time if I used the buggy at all as all my friends children seem to walk well, it was only after seeing a report on how delayed she really is I allowed myself to make some concessions.

Willowcat thats so true in our case too, DD has only fairly recently been talking clearly enough to make anything out and three word sentences are still impressive for her especially with a please attached so it is hard to say no.

ommmward those are good tips, I hadn't thought of her doing it in terms of needing anything. She is ok with being picked up sometimes and carried but I can't do that anymore when out on my own with her. I had a disaster in asmall shop sat which is what prompted the thread but they were lovely and the owner followed me outside to check I was ok. In bigger shops I tend to just ignore the stares and some days I genuinely don't care what people think, I am getting better at that. But I do think people just think its bad parenting sometimes as I probably sound way too blase as am so used to it!

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signandsmile · 21/02/2011 08:40

um.... sorry to highjack thread, ds is doing ok with staying with me on way into pre-school, but so overloaded by end that he is running off following anyone, and he is fast! only just caught him before road.. [shocked]

willow if the back pack is still around and available I would be really interested, happy to pay... ( will PM you later) it's all kicking off here..

Original poster

used2bthin · 21/02/2011 08:45

Had to post without finishing, by the way I have been ignoring her as far as I can with the running off and lying down thing so opposite approach so I will try the focus on her thing. I was moaning the other day she always does it at parties or in running around type play with other children when she is really excited so that makes sense. Paygroup has found it worrying due to her medical needs but I don't think it has anything to do with that although its impossible to rule out.

Re the teenagers I have two I could borrow what a good idea. We have been getting them together as often as poss as its great for DD and the older girls love playing with her.

I will also try the plan you gave for the repetition. She does respond well sometimes if I say phrases she knows well like back later when she is repeatedly asking for my Dp or something.

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Original poster

used2bthin · 21/02/2011 08:46

signandsmile hello and don't worry at all about the thread I will be interested to hear ideas for you too. I don't walk dd to pre school anymore as I work the days she goes so drop her by car but even the walk from the car is exhausting most days so I sympathise.

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willowthecat · 21/02/2011 09:50

Hi yes - happy to post on to anyone who wants it. I like to think of these things going to a good home ! I don't need money as they say it annoys the devil to see any good work being done ! And as my LEA may be possessed by the devil I have to think of these things.

Original poster

used2bthin · 21/02/2011 17:20

Marne sorry only just saw it was you who suggested the backpack. Spoke to the ed psych today who was very nice and suggested a few things will post more later still a bit woblley about some of it.

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signandsmile · 21/02/2011 18:27

Brill thanks willlow will pm you the address..

have decided we are gonna try lots of stopping and going training. (will have a pocket full of raisons, and repeat at lots of times when it doesn't matter in hope that yelling STOP!!!! in times of emergency might then work..) is it only me... but this reminds me of training the dog,

waitingforgodot · 21/02/2011 19:03

also worth asking your health visitor if they have a major

Original poster

used2bthin · 21/02/2011 19:14

Signandsmile we will join you with that and what the ed psych advised today which was to do essential shopping etc without her for three wks or so and practise. Before we go out I will show her cards (just about to start with pictures as well as the signing we already do). The cards will be something like one for shops, one for holding hands and one for a reward of some kind such as a pic of an activity(or food bribery more probably). So I will prep her and explain she must hold my hand at the shop and then she can have the reward. Whilst out I WILL SHOW HER THE CARDS AGAIN IF NEEDS BE THEN IF SHE DOESNT do as asked we go straight home no reward.

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Original poster

used2bthin · 21/02/2011 19:15

wfg we don't really have a HV at present as just moved but will hopefully have one soon. I just am so unsure whether to get one or not but the ed psych thought a buggy was apprpriate given her developmental age so maybe something i have to consider.

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waitingforgodot · 21/02/2011 19:20

will save you some money too. Worth while linking in too as you may need help with DLA/renewal forms etc

Original poster

used2bthin · 21/02/2011 19:33

Yes true, sort of had a falling out with the Hvs where I was before so been putting it off esp as DD will be five in sept and has so mmany professionals involved as it is. But will make contact soon. We have had DLA since she was a baby so had third renewal last year, such a releif, I so hope it stays as its how I can pay for all sorts she needs.

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ethel1 · 21/02/2011 20:03

My 17 year old sits on the floor ,grabs things off the shelf, takes a bite out of the odd apple (we do buy it).
It makes life interesting ,sainsburys are quite understanding really !

signandsmile · 22/02/2011 19:13

isn't it odd how different the shops are... our local morrisons were brill let me go in and take photos in shop for a social story for him, the assistants talk to ds and really respond if he says 'ello!'.

it means I am willing to take him more..

used to be let me know how it goes for you. (i will do the same.) I am lucky that a raison is seen as a treat,

Original poster

used2bthin · 23/02/2011 21:39

Ha ha signandsmile my DD will do it for cheese or chocolate these days! Once upon a time blueberries were seen as a treat but no longer! The taking photos of the shop is a good plan though. ethel1 sainsburys have been awful here must depend where you live. I recently asked a man there if he would help me as had a really bad back and dd was doing the usual lie on the floor refusing to move and making awful odd noises thing. He literally walked away from me, think he thought I was mad! I was laugjing a little bit (slightly hysterical!!) so I can see why it was an easy assumption!

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