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SN children

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Original poster

Punishment or exclusion

14 replies

sumum · 18/02/2011 21:57

I am very angry with my ds's school and how they have punished him today.

He has adhd and has just been dx with asd this week. A lot of his behavoiur is oppositional and this morning he refused to do his work. I do not know why.

In the afternoon the class had a class treat that they had all saved up for with reward tokens. It was baking cakes.

The class teacher told me that she had not allowed my ds to take part in the class treat as he had been naughty. she also said that at the end of the baking (during which ds had to do work) she and the class all had to decide if ds could have one of the cakes made with all the others. The decision was he could have one.

AIBU to be really angry about this punishment?

Ds had previously contributed tokens to the pot and I think this was too harsh a punishment and more like exclusion. And I think it was humiliating for ds to have all the class discuss and decide if he was worthy to have a cake.

Am out out of line thinking this, I know he needs consequences but this was more like class humiliation.

Do you think I should complain to the head.

OP posts:

IndigoBell · 19/02/2011 00:17

Sounds awful. Make an appointment to see the SENCO and HT to discuss it.

Is this an isolated incident? Or are they generally rubbish at dealing with your DS?

I have found HTs schools either 'get' SN or they don't - and no amount of talking can change that.... :(

tryingtokeepintune · 19/02/2011 00:52

Personally,I think the punishment was too harsh. If he had been naughty the whole week and had xxx amount of tokens taken away then maybe but if he was just naughty that day, it might have taught him that there was no point in being/trying to be good most of the time.

Class decisions about appropriate punishments - I know all the pros and cons but I think it also rewards the popular children. Can you imagine a group of HItler's youths deciding who was worthy ( ok, know that is a little extreme but you can see where it might lead..)

I would certainly make an appointment with Senco and HT to discuss it and follow it up with a letter on what was discussed.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 19/02/2011 07:48

Yes I would complain to the SENCO and HT. What they did was harsh.

How do you feel they treat your DS anyway at school?. Do you think they understand his additional needs at all?.

Does your son have a Statement in place?. If not I would apply for one of these asap from the LEA.

intothewest · 19/02/2011 08:59

This is totally out of order-I would certainly complain and arrange a meeting to discuss how they can deal with his behaviour in a more appropriate way

Unfortunately I have heard similar tales

bettyboop63 · 19/02/2011 14:08

yes ive had and heard simular its unbelievable how ignorant staff still are they should all HAVE to have some training in this dept its so ridiculous the government insist they all as much as poss no matter how hard they struggle go to MS but not have to all have training IYSWIM i mean we treat our cars better than our children you wouldnt let an untrained mechanice fiddle with your car but these untrained individuals are supposed to work with our DC???? its so wrong

chinax · 19/02/2011 15:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

sumum · 19/02/2011 16:33

Thanks everybody, I really didn't know if I was being too precious.

If it was me as a child I would feel total humiliation but don't know if ds feels this kind of emotion. He said he was sad and did want to join in.

He was made to do work in the same room, but as he was unsupported he just sat and did nothing. Just watched the others having fun.

He seems to be having so many more problems in year 3 and I am begining to think this teacher doesn't like him and this is a contributing factor.

The school itself claim to be good with sn, they say they have a lot of children with sn. There are 15 on SA+ with 350 pupils.
The senco is fab, but she is not a teacher so I don't think the head values her, she really knows her stuff but then it is not backed up.
There is a token teacher senco but he is useless.

I do get the feeling if I make a complaint to the head he will just back up the teacher.

The head already thinks I am a difficult parent because I dared to challenge him in the past.

I might speak to inclusion support, if they work during halfterm.

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bettyboop63 · 19/02/2011 17:00

The other reason you might get more problems (as well as they are poo ) could be that as our DC's get older the expectations are more and more harder to cope with they are expected to "behave" sit still more ,work harder ,talk less, engage more, play better, share better, the list goes on and on and for some DC its just not possible to hold it all in /together when my son was in year 2 he started coping less snd less he had always struggled with everything about school and hated everything about it but he then in year 2 started to really notice the differences between him and his peers this distressed him immensly i started getting more and more calls more and more complaints over the next two years (id always had the odd call and he had been bullied all the way through from first school) hes a tough cookie thank goodness but even the toughest cookies crumble under too much stress and in yr 6 it happened he started gettin exclusions and he started having mental health problems, self worth/ esteem is non existant , so im not surprised your angry its so wrong when the adults treat them like this bad enough what they have to put up with from their peers

HelensMelons · 19/02/2011 17:25

Got cross reading this as well. I would speak to the teacher first and then approach the head. The situation she created is tantamount to bullying and discrimination. She is a bully.

starterfor10 · 19/02/2011 17:26

15 out of 350 on SA+? and how many with Statements? At first glance that doesn't look like many SN children, and the fact that they think it is tells you something about them.

aLegonEachCorner · 19/02/2011 17:55

Not acceptable. Very unkind actually.

Speak with the SENCO. His behaviour is not to be punished in this way....did they even try to find the cause for his refusal to do his work?

I would be livid.

Original poster

sumum · 19/02/2011 19:50

I don't know why he refuses to do work, and they keep telling me like I can do something about it.

Is oppositional behavoiur part of autism?

He can't stay on task due to the adhd, but is medicated.

This teacher seems to think he is choosing to be naughty, I just don't know enough to say why he is doing it because I am not there to see the build up.

I do think some of it is that he now sees himself as a non achiever, he is getting behind his peers but not enough for more help.
In our school the dc have to be on P scales to get substantial help. he gets about 8 hours a week support but only 4 of them are 1-1.

I did say to the teacher at the time that I was not happy with him being excluded from the class treat but she just shrugged.

OP posts:

Original poster

sumum · 19/02/2011 20:11

Oh and those kids on SA+ are the ones with complex needs as no one gets a statement where we are. Not in mainstream, you only get a statement for special school.

I do not know how many are on SA, my ds has only just gone onto to SA+ despite struggling since he started 3 years ago. That's just how it is here in our LA.

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coff33pot · 19/02/2011 23:23

It stinks. I am disgusted reading what they did to your ds.

I am surprised that the poor soul sat there and watched as if it were my DS he would have totally screamed the place down and run away and hid at the total rejection as he would see it. Also to use his peers to look at him and judge is very very wrong as NT or not it teaches them to play god with ppls feelings. Not to mention point out to the masses that he has misbehaved and children are so damn honest with the "we wont play with you as you are naughty" so to me will only separate him from his peers even further.

You have a dx for both issues so is there no way you can get more outside help like contacting an inclusion team? He may be refusing work because he is struggling and not necessarily being "just naughty".

I am sorry but I would have to kick up big time if that happened to my DS

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