I should know this but need opinions from otehrs as am too close. Please.

[ScramVonChubby]

Helllo.

I am worried about ds4's development. We already ahve ds1 withAsperger's and ds3 with autism, also ds2 with SEN including dyspraxia.

It's not clear cut though: ther are some bits that make me think nah, or it could be we are missing something entirely different to ASD.

DS4 is 3 in April, he attends a CM two mornings a week (so gets social input). He should start LEA nursery school half time in September as all children here do.

So I will start with signs I think are good.

Speech development is excellent- very advanced.

As paed noted (he was at appt for ds3) he has good negotiating skills

He can mimic and does some imaginative play, though not much any more.

Can wave, do gesture, likes to seek out other children at play centres- though sometimes perfers to watch rather than join in: certainly not always.

Adores action songs and asks for tehm daily, with signs.

OK bad signs:

He is so rigid it's ridiculous! break an alement of routineand it's a full on meltdown. Taing an unsualturn at a junction would do it.

He hates all mess on his hands and gets very stressed about anything 'dirty' including CMs car.

his eating is extremely rigid- bread, toast, fruit puree, juice, maybe rice or pasta if bland. I have yet to take him fully off breastmilk as a result of this (he ahs a casein intolernace anyway).

He's still young but we were almost there with nappies and potty but ahd to give up as he now becomes extremely distressed when we change a nappy and screams until we dress him. if a sock or anything comes loose he gets very anxious until it is sorted.

He had a delayed point but it is now sussed.

Supreme separation anxiety: still struggles with drop off with CM after a eyar (is fine after 30 minutes)- until he was two couldn;t go with anyone as perfectly able adults such as my Mum were reduced to a wreck by his screaming.

Has limited empathy- whacked me over the head with a breadboard recently and when I scremaed, laughed.

Boring old streotype but increasingly lines cars up and follows brick patterns on road as he says they are tracks- ds3 did that too.

Hates having anything tight- including hands held or seatbelt straps.

CM has a son with AS and thinks it's noticeable but not a real worry; i woudln;t bother with Paed at this stage as I think it's pointless given she ahs already seen him and commented on his negotiation skills.
ut when it comes tos chools, the local is fab IF you don;t ahve any SEN so would want to look elsewhere if needed.

Hi

what is your gut instinct? I know you say you ae too close - but if pushed, what do you think (to yourself only, maybe?)

form your list, dd2 has all but th elimited empathy, and even there I am not sure if her empathy is a learned response, iyswim?

but the rigidity - she is way more rigid than dd1.

food issues - yep, it's dd1 who is the adventurous eater in this house (in as far as that goes ) - seriously, dd2 will nibble this and that, and eat fruit. and cake. that's it.

the lining up - yep, here too, and this is not learnt behaviour form dd1, as dd1 was not a liner-upper.

same for imaginative play. it all looks good on the surface, but scratch a little - not even too deep, and it unravels as repetitive, and rigid.

don't even get me started on clothes issues. again, dd1 has none (well the odd dislike to a t shirt or somehting - nothing unusual for any 6 year old). dd2 riddled with it all.

I suspect AS or even PDA - dd2's issues include social anxiety and not being able to bear making a choice. she is (imo) clearly one or theother. but I don't think we would get a dx. not just yet anyway.

I have warned her pre-school, and they seem to be taking note. whether they are just humouring me remains to be seen, but as she is only there for 3 sessions a week at the moment, I don't really expect her to unravel there just yet. next year (reception) might be a different story - all I can do now is wait and see. but I am waiting with my eyes open, iyswim? and will pounce hard at the first sign of trouble.

the one thing I will not let happen is for all this to be glossed over because she is coping now, only to end up with a very distressed anxious 8 year old.

Gut instinct SF is he is going to follow ds1's route into AS. Dh feels the same.

don't ignore that gut instinct, then.

I have times of huge doubt re: dd2. but I would rather be thought of as neurotic by her school, than to not flag up stuff, and have her overlooked.

I am totally aware that I come across to them, as an airy-fairy touchy-feely parent, who is concerned about their "over-sensitive" child.

but so be it. if it means they think twice when dd2 swallows down some emotions, or think about the fact that she will only paint with red, always, then it might help her.

I would rahter flag it all up, and pre-empt issues so that she never gets to that struggling, failing situation. micro-manage it all, I suppose.

what are your options re: looking elsewhere for school?

There's a school we could probably access not too far away, it would be possible but id dh's call as he will do school run. It's the difference between 5 minutes walk and 10 minute's drive plus parking really.

The local school is going for SLD accreditation and ahs asked me to be on the committee for ASD but tbh whilst I will help I think it's a very unfunny joke. As do the teachers at ds1's base.

Oh obsessins: forgot those. he is currently hanging off me anxious becuase the oehrs are playing a game that isn;t Super MArio 2.

hmm, I'd go for the 10 min drive, tbh. but as you say, not your call.

at the front of your school, though. some things just are quite incredible (in true sense of the word)

BIBIc woud be good JustAbout but am going to wait a bit: Dh isn;t too well at the moment so playing it a bit close IYSWIM. he'll be OK soon, but he needs a break.

And yes I know SF about the sachool; only plus I an see is finally I can get in there and try and sort things, they talked about a Sn parents group and I;d love to get involved there.

Thanks for the positive comments. I am far from perfect, by a very long stretch. hence boys on Super MArio 2 (we gave in!) whilst i drink coffee and MN

You know, really, don't you? But tbh, even if on the spectrum, how far in? My DS 2 age 11 is ASD and I know my DS 3 age 8 is 'quirky', used to obsessively gather 4 diff coloured anything as teletubbies. Eg crayons, blocks. He's on that spectrum but does he need a diagnosis? I don't think so. He manages fine in MS, not even School Action. Keep an eye on it and get your DS4 assessed if nec.

BTW my DS 2 loved action songs, loved Fun Song Factory prog obsessively.

Just are you OK? you know where I am yes?

Ellie you are right: how far in is key. DS1 and ds3 both have statements so I guess I assume severe, albeit severe AS / severe Autism; fingers crossed not eh?

I think you're right to go with your instinct on this one. When you've seen it so many times before, it's hard to know for sure whether you've become really good at spotting obvious things or you're seeing things because you're looking for them specifically and are being over sensitive, but some of his behaviours aren't exactly subtle.

No tehy're not ourvye and I kinda know if I allowed myself to wtach tings like eye contact there'd be obvious anomallies as well but I don't want to watch.

Dh has agreed to take him to other school if we can get apalce (tehrefore doing the opposite of everyone else ehre and rejecting the posh one for the one on the estate LOL- but the one we are going for is lovely and CM thinks we should).

A lot of this is recent and I am aware that ds3 regressed at exactly this age so at least I am grateful ds4 has retained language use. I think we need time to get used to the idea before we formalise it but still- of FFS! (sorry for swearing)

Sorry you have niggles about ds4. Hard at this age to see what is threenager grimness that might be grown out of iyswim but theres enough concerns for you to need to keep an eagle eye i think, and wld not let him near the local school

Swear as much as you need.

I don't trust my own genetics to produce an NT child. DH had his vasectomy about the time of DS2's diagnosis - we already felt stretched to the limit by having 2 boys with ASD.

Our kids' school is far from a posh one and is (mostly) brilliant for them. We're counting down the days to the end of this year for DS1, because we're never going to get anywhere with educating his current teacher, but other than that, we'd struggle to do better with the options we have for now.

Dh ahs been refused a vasectomy due to his depression- and me a sterlisation becuase i have low bomne density. We cannot afford to go private. That's fine, I'm 37: if i didn;t know how contraception worked I;d have far mroe than 4 kids by now but does cause me to have a very ironic little laugh.

Hahahaha JustAbout

I wonder too. Often.