Tomorrow feels like D-Day!

[benito]

School are interviewing for a TA for DS1 (7 and Aspie) tomorrow.

I have been posting here for years (literally) about my battles with school.

Even when a statement was issued, they still tried to shake off the extra work he causes them (although he is not behind and has no beavioural problems) by trying to reject him and his statement.

That debacle is over but was extremely stressful.

DS2 is 5 and really could take or leave school. He has moaned since day one. He as already been turned off reading and he's only just begun.

The school is very academic, with high expectations of independence and little in the way of pastoral care or genuine warmth.

They are just very straight and my kids seem like round pegs in square holes.

So, I've been toying with HE'ding until we get sorted somewhere else. This might take a while but it feels like freedom to me at the moment even though it will seriously compromise my ability to work (I work freelance so I can work around this but weekends etc).

It just feels in my heart better than week after week of constant battles and sniping and knowing my kids (especially DS1) are in school which doesn't gives a rats ass about them.

I kind of think that I should do it before they offer someone the job.

DH would do as I asked as it is my 'sacrifice' in terms of time.

Am I mad? Is this fight or flight? Or is is embracing freedom and regaining control??

you sound totally in control and at ease with the idea the thing about them employing a TA worried me tooas ive heard they use them for veryone as justanother pair of hands rather than 1-1 and that i could not tollerate my sons school were like this seems a lot of schools Teachers TA's an HT are in denial that SEn exists as its far easier to pretend otherwise push them aside and ignore them my DS was regualrly put in the corridoor when his Teacher couldnt cope or sent to the HT office or i was called again and again to come and collect him (i realise in a way now i should have refused but at the time all i could think of is my DS needs me so had to go)they punished him for typical ASD behaviours he simply could no help maybe he could if in the correct environment and with real assistance but not in his MS school so i changed schools same treatment only MORE bullying (he has been bullied in first middle and a second missle school(they said we dont have bullying in our school) he once had a croud of children surround him while the others chanted and a boy in a year ahead of him kicked and punched him, he came out of school i wasnt called about this they hoped he wouldnt say but he winced as he got in the car i asked what was the matter and he said my back hurts i looked he was covered in bruises and they knew but didnt say needless to say what with the amount of help he now needs and his anxiety his ASD and other issues hes under CAHS and no longer attends MS i felt i couldnt entrust his mental or physical health and welfare not to mention the lack of education one recieves sitting in a corridoor all day, so sorry very long and drawn out but i HE'D my DS for a while whilst waiting for a suitable place at a SS i found it extreemely hard as im a big softie and DS knew it but having said that he learned more in that time than a year at MS plus if you are sure your DS will work for you then i thin GO FOR IT i think if you have the patience and resorces you can do it just you then need to make sure they go to clubs ect to make up for the loss of being with peers good luck hope you do it

oops should read under CAMHS

Thanks betty..sounds like you had a really tough time. Has it got any better for you?

well atm hes at home still, will be starting at a ASD SS in couple weeks aft holiday so i do hope so he has such low self esteem now he was self harming another reason i removed him, but hes going through changes atm puberty as well so hes all over the place but at least hes not scared anymore hopefully he will like the new school and regain self confidence and settle down hes so hyper and not sleeping much, and i'd like to go on some courses and join the parent support group meetings at the school hopefully they will be useful as ive had no help or respite whatsoever and im my husbands carer hes disabled ex forces omg just talking about it i feel cream crakered lol sorry now i sound like i've hijacked your post complaining & moaning , so do you think your going to go for it?

Hi Benito

Don't worry about them offering someone the job. They'll have some stupid wording in the contract to make sure the school isn't out of pocket should your DS leave. In fact, there's a chance they'll employ someone completely unsuitable in order to make sure he does leave.

If they're employing someone good, there is a chance that person would turn down a post elsewhere in favour of this one; but I think that's a little too distant to be your responsibility. You need to make the decision at the time which suits you and your family, and if a little extra time is ideal, then that's exactly what you should take.

From a long term perspective, there would be some milage in letting him do a term (or half a term, if you can't bear more) WITH the untrained TA support, if only to prove for the future that inadequate support makes no difference whatsoever. Remember he has another 11 years of education ahead of him. Some people later use a part time or special placement to access specialist support like pragmatic language groups or OT help, and it never hurts to keep your options open.