Look at private provision, locally does his statement specifically state he needs specialist provision? Would he be better boarding.
Would a mainstream school take him on a flexi-schooling basis (he does just mornings) if you take responsibility for his education the rest of the time?
There are some primary private school sdotted around with tiny class sizes. Also what about mainstream with units attached.
I'm in a very similar position, my son's first school were terrible and the long term effects due to the anxiety he developed there stayed with him. He's just been kicked out of his second. No issues at home though I'm a lone parent,, (as in me one from day one) which is held against me at every available opportunity ; )
I've only just found out about this organisation BIBIC, but have heard amazing things about the therapies they offer. I'm hoping they can help me address his anxiety before his next school start, as all this change isn't good for him. I'm trying to get somethng organised myself and not asking anyone's permission to do so. If BIBIC isn't suitable I'll keep looking for some private therapy.
He won't be starting a 3rd primary until I am sure they can meet his needs this time, and noone is going to push me to do otherwise as he's not strong enough to withstand another failure. Academically he is mainstream level in terms of what he should be achieving. The new school has to meet academic and social needs, something that can get overlooked.
Do you want your child to have access to afterschool clubs etc, (these were a godsend for my son socially as an activity he loved science gave him the courage to start to make friends with others at the club. Will he be able to access these if the new school is so far away, and are you able to prove that it will be of above average benefit for him to do so in the long term?
The LEA are offering us a home tutor, which I know won't be full time school hours so I'm gonna get in touch with education otherwise and look for home ed groups for some social interaction & enrichment. I'm also going to enroll my lad in swimming lessons to give him a bit of social interaction. I'm quite content to let it drag on for up to a year so my son has time to get over the emotional upset he's just had rather than have him rushed into a placement that causes more long term damage. The financial implications of this are scaring me silly, but my local jc lone parent advisor is already on the case to help me get through this.
It's a hard balance, but does the school they are offering stay in line with the right NC levels your son needs? If he's bright and the school miles away doesn't that's your very strong argument for refusal, as it won't be "suitable to his needs".
Also if you organise some private treatment (NHS is too slow!) it'll show mainstream schools you as a parent are really serious about addressing your kid's issues. Can his Dad help pay? If he's willing to take some ownership of the upset caused by your split it will help, especially if you can get him to attend school meetings with you.