Taking your ASD child on a plane?

[Fedupandfuming]

Following on from a recent thread re holidays, I was wondering how many of you have braved it on a plane? My DS (4) is largely non-verbal and would be unable to understand the whole concept of flying/ holidays etc, but he does love being on trains/ buses/ in the car and sits still for quite a while just looking out of the window (prob quite a sensory rush for him!).

So my question is, am I mad to be considering a 10 hour flight with him, or is it something that others have done with relatively few problems? It would make me feel a lot more confident to know that it really can be done, and that I shouldn't just forget the idea and accept that our lives have to be limited.

NB we have 2 other DC (7 and 16m) so am worried about being outnumbered in case all 3 get whingey at once...can't imagine that's fun at 10,000 feet

Honestly, yes, it could be a mad thing to do...but it might just work. Took mine on some fairly long flights when he was young, arming ourselves with plenty of clues about what was going to happen (pictures, photos of the airport, simple illustrated books, anything that works), and lots of things he enjoyed playing with. And booked with an airline that has decent children's cartoons available. Exhausting but it worked.

Well I would have been able to tell you in August, as we would have been doing the same thing with Ds2 (and Ds1 but he is verbal).
Only thanks to the bloody previous owners not having a clue when it came to electrical work we are having to cancel our beautiful holiday and pay to have the house rewired.
I am hoping to rebook in a few months time to go somewhere else, so might be able to say how it went then.

we have with dd1 but not dd2 yet. I would recommend a shorter trip to see first. Take lots of suck sweets to stop ear popping, ear defenders for noise and have a bag of treats/goodies/toys he has never seen before which will keep him busy for a while. I would get there very early to aviod quenes, and explain to staff as they may let you on first rather than waiting with huge numbers.

Take blankets and music too HTH

Hi Fedup, although I have not taken my 3.10 year old DS who has ASD on a flight since he as a baby I lived abroad with my DD1 (NT) for a few years and had to get 3 flights to get back to uk.
Check with the airport you will be flying with, I know that Manchester has a leaflet aimed at children with special needs with lots of photos to familiarise them with the airport.

If possible take a trip to the airport a couple of times to let your DS get a feel for it and watch the planes landing and taking off, if is is not verbal then he should get a better understanding seeing it for himself. Airports are busy and noisy places so if you can get him comfortable there first it will hopefully keep him stress free for the real thing.
Speak to your travel agent, see if it is possible to pre book your seats and ask for bulkhead ones, these have much more legroom and a bit of space if he wants to get on the floor in front of you.
I would also make the airline aware of your sons difficulties prior to flying.

A toy plane that he can see inside and play with may help also.
If you can afford it maybe a short internal flight as a run through.
Speak to your GP mine used to give me a mild sedative for my DD to have if she needed it.
Make sure his ears are nice and clear of wax if you can as this should reduce any ear problems due to the cabin pressure.
Take drinks that he can suck for take off and landing to help him 'pop' his ears, or a bottle or dummy if he still has one.
Lots of easy to carry things for him to do game console if that is his thing although most long haul flight nowadays have a tv with games for the kids.
Hope that helps and good luck. :)

I have taken dd1 on long flights a few times.

first one was when we came back from living abroad when she was 5 months old - that was a 14 hour flight.

since then we have been on short flights a few times - Scotland, Portugal, Germany.

and also been to California (3 years ago, when dd1 was 3) and Australia (18 months ago, when dd1 was 5).

we are going to Florida (Disney!) at Easter.

I would certainly say if at all possible take at least one short flight beofrehand. I have found it is not so much the actual flight that is the problem - you can plan for distractions and entertainment, and food - but the check in, security, waiting at the gate, and then getting off, long walk to baggage reclaim etc that is the problem.

now that dd1 knows what ot expect (and that dh and I have sorted our routine out - this is a simportant, imo!) wrt who does which bit of childcare/checking in/fetching trolleys etc, and now e have refined and sorted out our cabin bags so we know what gets packed where, it all goes well.

the flight has never really been a problem. Claifornia flight was a hurdle - but due ot dietary issues. dd1 woudl only drink one type of juice form the carton, and obviolsy with restricitons etc it was a logistical nightmare. dd2 was 14 motnhs old at the time as well so was a handful too. but we lived. in total, dd1 was probably noisy ofr an hour tops. she spent a lot of time singing (nicely) and reciting stories, which annoyed other passengers, but what were we supposed ot do? gag her?

the hardest part has always been security - walking through the arches one by one, separating yourself from an upset child is not easy, and also putting eg favourite comfort toy thorugh the x ray.

my tips ofr the flight itself: ipod touch/ipad for dvds (has a better battery life than aportable dvd player). sticker books. the biggest hit with dd2 one year was a set of bath toy dinosaurs (brought along ot take into the swiming pool at the other end!) - she played for ages with those.

would you need ot organise food too? we have to, as gf/cf, and that can be a pain, but also do-able. shout if you want any pointers on that.

oh, the other thing - when dd1 was 4/5 we managed to persuade the stewards to still give us a baby belt for her for take off/landing. they didn't like it, but our reaosning was she would be as safe with that as she would in her seat - not sitting up properly, wriggling about, loosening her belt, wanting ot sit with me etc. and they agreed. tha tmade it much easier, as the big problems on the flight are those times - noisy/have ot sit down away form me etc.

DS2 (4 and ASD) has been on a plane 4 times, and we are going again this summer.

I agree that you might want to start with a smaller flight, I realy want to go the the Dominican Republic, so we are doing increasing flight times as its an 8 hour flight.

Speak to your airline and let them know your DS has SN. We have done this with Thomson, Thomas Cook and First Choice and they have all been brilliant - letting us on the plane first, giving us extra help etc.

Also, I dont know if this would work with your DS but we look at lots of plane picture books, and before our holiday last year we went to visit the airport a couple of times (we are quite close so its not a massiver trek) so that DS could see the planes taking off.

Ds2 LOVES flying. We fly at least four or five times a year. We do long haul and we are all off to Barbados in April.
He has flown since he was 4. The first flight I had no idea how it would go and tbh the seat belt was a problem. But we worked out a routine for it, talking him through what he needed to do- like a social story- and now he loves it.

It is huge for us. With dh working such long hours holidays are great for us and ds2 really looks forward to them

Ds2 takes his portable DVD player in his hand luggage and just watches DVDs if he gets stressed. He can tune out whatever ekes is going on.

He loves virgin because of the seat back entertainment.

Pag

That should be

We have 3 dc,s like you OP. DS1 has ASD and is 10. DS2 is 7 and DS3 is 19mths (both NT)

We have flown with DS1 since he was a baby and he absolutely loves it. In fact he seems to love all forms of public transport!

I would advise you to go for it-you all deserve a holiday and the first time is always the hardest-it should get easier with each time you do something new. Its a good 'life experience' to have.

Good luck! :)

Thanks so much for all the advice/ experiences.

We have flown with DS1 before, but not for over 2 years now, so a) he was still tiny and b) it was pre-dx so I think it was generally easier (no label to deal with, just a slightly odd littl'un!). When he was 16m we actually went to visit my sister in LA, and he coped with the flight beautifully. But like I said, he was little, so infinitely more portable. And we didn't have 3 kids then so could deal with one child each.

I think I probably will end up going for it...I'm consumed with the thought that sod it, we all still have to live our lives, plus I know 110% that he would love every second of the time we were away.

As people have said, the flight itself is probably a lot easier than all the shit that surrounds it at the airport etc. He wouldn't have a hope of understanding a social story, or even pictures of what was going to happen, but he sure loves his ipad and cartoons, so if we could stretch to a Virgin flight that might well be ok. And if we could sort night flights, so he would likely curl up and sleep for most of it anyhow.

He's not gf/cf, but food IS a big worry as he usually eats the same 8/9 meals (none of which could be transferred to a packed lunch) so can't imagine what he'd eat on the plane

And also he hates walking, so am hoping we'd be able to manage 2 buggies (esp in the airport), even though he looks ridiculously big in his maclaren triumph now!

Tbh it wouldn't be til next year that we actually go, but would hope to put a deposit down on something soonish, so we'll be pretty much committed, and I really want to have thought it all through. I felt close to a breakdown last year and as a result my mum offered us a week's respite, and we are going away without him in April, which I feel terrible about. But for many reasons it is never going to be possible to leave him again, and I don't want to. I would be much happier if all my family were together, for all the trials and tribulations!

Thanks to everyone for really boosting my confidence and making me think that none of the issues need be insurmountable!

glad to hear you are reassured
food wise - what does your ds eat? do NOT give up hope.

when we went ot California, dd1 would eat 4 different meals. wouldn't touch bread/sandwiches of any sort - all had ot be hot food. even sausages, she had to have hot.

beofr enow I have taken"

shepherds pie
fish pie
curry
risotto
spag bol
cous cous (before dd1 was gf)

the possibilities are endless.

thermos do a really good flask - nice wide neck, which you can bung stuff in.

technically speaking, the airlines do not like you to take "liquid" foods on board. sandwiches/snacks are all fine, but they don't like the sauces etc.

however, get a letter form your doctor stating that it is necessary for you to take these foods on board. we did, and manged it. you do have to taste occasionally, but that's fine. we did the same when dd1 was so fixated about drinking - we had a waiver to be able to take liquids thorugh in quantities greater than 100ml (the juice she owuld drink was not available airside, and only came in 200ml cartons). again, they had ot be double screened, se we needed extra time, but it is possible.

we still take her cup/juice through with us - this year is the first year we might not, as she is much better with drinking now. she/I have ot taste it, and explain that it is liquid in a container larger than 100ml, and why, but we have always got through.

absolutely agree with zzzz.

dd1 loves holidays, and copes really well wiht the changes etc - the leaps in language/understanding that ocme for her - just incredible.

when we do nightflights we take pyjamas onto the plane too - after dinner we get them changed, have bedtime routine as close as possible to home - story, then Maisy's bedtime, and I have also in the past taken dd1's blanket, so she had all the cues. now I woudl take her pillow (luckily a bear, so squashable), and her Sleepy comforter. dd2 gets 2 cuddlies as well - the sleep stuff gets it's own bag . but it helps them settle down to sleep. change back into daywear after breakfast the next morning.

cabin bag wise, we take: dh's wheelie suitcase with laptop/clothes/travel docs, with a trunki attached using bungee cords. trunki has sleep stuff in.

my wheelie suitcase with books/wipes/ipod/ipad/laptop, with a trunki attached with bungee cords. trunki has food in.

the trunkis were a life saver for us, but this year will probably be our last year using them, as dd1 too big now. but it gave us an extra toy to play with at the airport/baggage reclaim, without having to unpack everyhting.

Silver, do you know reading your posts I have breathed out for the first time since considering this whole mad idea. Can't thank you enough.

I suppose it's about breaking everything down rather than just thinking of the whole thing as one terrifying concept. Eg the food...yes, he does eat spag bol, cottage pie, curry, fish pie, and I hadn't even thought of taking a flask. I just shut down when I started to think about it all, but yes, that should be perfectly doable.

And great to know that I can get a doc's letter re the liquids.

Can I ask what did you do re food during the hol? Did you stick to self-catering? I had a few probs when we were in LA as they don't have 'English' bread, but a sweet, different-textured one. Am assuming things like spaghetti would be the same (DS1 loves that). He does eat a lot of m&s kids' ready meals, so we'd have to manage without those.

Re the flight, I suppose my fundamental fear is that for some reason he will refuse to sit for the whole flight, and then (or for some other reason) have a meltdown on board. It's actually pretty rare that he has one, but the fear of them does hang over us, and in a confined space it's a pretty daunting prospect to say the least.

On the other hand, we were v apprehensive about taking a 16m old (who we thought was NT at the time) and a 4 yr old to LA...I sweated buckets over it and then the fear melted away when we actually had to go through with it, and I remember that feeling...once they close the doors and you take off, there's actually a huge sense of relief. There's no choice but to deal with whatever happens, the kids usually are nicely lulled by the engines, and plus once you're up in the air you're going to get to your destination regardless. It was nowhere near as bad as I thought...

you are right - list the fears, and tackle them one by one.

it still doesn't make it as easy as "oh, let's hop on a plane", but then, as oyu say - part of that is "just" travelling with children.

these are the flasks we use. they really do keep things warm for 7 hurs (I would hesitate to say hot, tbh). I try to plan it so that the meal I need ot be 'hot' hot, we eat at the airport/for first meal on the plane. then something like sausages, which can retain the illusion of warmth (to keep dd1 happy!) for the mid-way meal. breakfast I pack cornflakes too! (dds eat them dry now, thankfully, but I used ot take powdered goat's milk too!)

I did find this fab range of "nice" dried ready meals, will try to look them up - dd1 wasn't keen, and will now eat chips and sandwiches, so we can fill her up att he airport/pack food easily, so have forgotten them for now. will have a hunt around.

we do tend to go self catering, yes. but I wouldn't rule out taking things you need. the customs restrictions are strict, but for pre-prepared foods you are ok in a lot of places. I had ot take dd1's juice over in our suitcase last time we went ot the states (she liked a pear/pineapple mix - always an easy child, dd1! ). look inot whether you can take the M&S meals - there will be a page on food imports. you cold freeze them, wrap them in towels along with freezer packs in a cool bag in the suitcase, and they would be ok (I reckon. disclaimer: obviously check!) fo rthe first few days you are there.

bread: last time we went ot the states dd1 wasn't eating bread, so I don't know, sorry. and this time, she is, but will be going part hotel stay (gulp! - at Disney, thoguh, and allegedly all diets can be catered for!).

you can always plan out your shopping if self caterign - online grocery shopping browsing really helps me feel reassured that there wil be somehting that dd1 will eat. I put out a shout on the overseas board as well, when we plan our epic trips, and have always had really kind and helpful MNers check out details when they go to the supermarket

Thanks again Silver, for such thorough advice. All invaluable, seriously.

Also meant to thank Zzzz too (x-posted and missed your post initially)...you're so right, I have not one shred of doubt that he would adore every moment of the holiday. He loves new environments, and loves his family being together more than anything on earth, so I suppose it's worth sucking up a bit of social embarrassment here and there! I think it would be different if I thought it was something he wouldn't enjoy but no, he would revel in it.

And yes, he deserves a break as much as any of us

you're welcome

I can't find the dried meals I was looking for - dh might remember the name. they use dot be sold in tesco.

they were really great - dried rice noodles (in a tagliatelle shape), and a sachet of tomato/basil sauce. just add hot water - a bit like a posh pot noodle, tbh without any of the crap. they really helped us out.

I also found, when dd1 was younger, that, despite her being a really good eater, she was ok with the notion that she had had a meal, if one was served up to her, whethe she ate it or not.

so, I could serve up the noodles/sauce, and she might have a bite or two. and then have the rest of her meal (fruit, raisins, maybe a nut/seed bar). and yes, she was still a bit hungry, but the rule at home is eat it or don't, but no alternative (meal) offered. and so as long as I could offer her a meal, then it was all ok, whether she ate it or not.

obviously not great that hse went hungry, but if the meal vaguely looked like something she might eat, then all was calm, iyswim? and 10 hours is "only" a day - have a good breakfast at home lots of snacks on the plane, and then somethign planned for when you land - whether a McDonalds on the way to holiday home, or groceries delivered as you arrive.