ok do I start bawling and demanding or what?

[coff33pot]

Ok today is a down day. :(

DS has seen Ed Psych last week and she said she was going to immediately refer him to CAHMS and to wait for there phone call. She hadnt finished seeing my son yet and had to see him in his class environment at another time but said she would refer him on the results she had seen so far.

HMMM been waiting only a week mind but it feels like a lifetime when your DS is stressed out and no one understands him at school. To hear him say he eats dinner on his own because his peers think he is naughty. He said he tries to sit with someone but they get up and move. He is forever getting told off for running away from class and hiding under chairs or tables (at home he uses a blanket to hide himself if he is upset)

I have tried to talk to him about telling someone if he feels upset so perhaps he can go for a walk around school field or something and then go back to class. Told him I know how hard it is to calm down but we must try other ways to let ppl know he feels bad.

Two days ago he managed to join in PE and line up without much ado (this was a first!). The teacher called someone else to show a particular jump. My DS got upset and told her he was upset because she had not picked him as it was something he could do. He didnt run off but bit his arm instead :(

I am totally distraught at this to think he tried to hurt himself to curb his feelings.

I am getting a home book now which is great but to read this...........

He is constantly 1 to 1. He will do art and creative work and learn through play ie. word bricks and phonic games. He will recite a spelling but wont write it down. From the pattern at the mo in the book he tends to run when he is doing a work sheet maths/literacy. Starts it and then runs for it and hides. Teacher is saying he started the maths and found it quite easy (how does she know?)

Last week there was a riot owing to the fact he broke a childs model (this I put in another post) it was a chair and he sat on it so couldnt comprehend that he had deliberately broke something belonging to someone else. The meltdown started after the HT told him the little girl does not want to play with you anymore. This resulted in an all day run around in school with DS finally being locked in the HT office with HT. It started in the morning and I didnt get called till 1.30! Of course as you can imagine my DS resembled a wild animal with no sense and no reasoning. The school wanted me to have a good long talk with him HELLO! he is in full meltdown mode

The school itself is a great school dont get me wrong and they recognise that DS needs help which is rare so I am lucky in that respect. But they are still treating him as Mr badly behaved. And keep asking me to comment in the book on how I discussed the days events with DS.

Yesterday he woke up in what I call "his own little world" he was totally distracted in everything and I just dressed him robot fashion and he ate his breakfast still gazing into the distance obviously thinking about whatever adventurer he was going to be. He wasnt angry or resistant to doing anything just lost in his own head if you know what I mean. I TOLD the school he wasnt there today so dont push him too hard as he is going to be easily distracted. He read (athough I think he knows the books off by heart with the pictures as he doesnt look at the words so is guessing till he gets it right but that is another story :)) did a couple of spellings but then they tried phonic work again and he ran off under the chairs. They got him out and he had to have time out in another class. When they got back he did do some writing but then had to colour in a pic with it and he scribbled over it and ran away again.

I do talk to DS about his behaviour but obviously I am more concerned as to the reason why. Why is he stressed, why did he resort to biting himself, and I am more concerned with trying to find a way for him to suppress it enough to speak out (he has no language barriers) before the bomb erupts. Whereas the teacher looks at it as he is being naughty and I should be telling him off and repremanding him for not sitting still etc

HOW do you tell them that this is no way good but he cant help it? That he is fighting with himself to control it which is what I see at home. HOW do you say what the signs are? I have tried to warn them if he is heading for difficult day and to CALL ME as soon as he hides.

I phoned EP and mentioned the referal to CAMHS. She now said that she needs to see him again first to do full write up for them. For gods sake WHY tell me different at our meeting then?

She did say it would be faster to go to GP to refer to a pead as all the stuff she is doing could take 6 months. First GP said nothing they could do till they got report. Got the same one phoning me today and he said same thing. NOW I have booked an appointment with another GP for 4.30 but I need some "structural" help to talk to this GP without putting my hands around someones neck and giving them a good shake!

Sorry for ramble but I have already broke a cup because it fell out of the cupboard twice so I smashed the bloody thing as it obviously wanted to break lol That is the sort of day I am having.

Try your local council's website, under the LEA section. That's where I found the phone number for ours. Ours also has the referral forms on there to download.

Our team were furious that they hadn't been called in and said our school had literally fallen off their radar, as it was so long since they'd been involved. They can't get involved unless someone asks them to, so weren't aware of any children with ASD in the school. Since coming in to observe ds and forging new links, they've found another three children at the school with whom they are now going to be working.

If you can't get hold of their number, you could try calling the school's bluff and saying you have been advised to call them in. (I do this and then act very vague about who advised me ) Hopefully they will do what our school did then and sort it out themselves before they end up with egg on their faces.

I really don't get why schools don't want to do this sort of thing themselves asap. Surely its in their own interests as much as the child's to get as much help and support as possible with pupils they are struggling to handle.

I initially thought it must be down to funding, but apparently, each school have X amount of allocated hours with the team anyway and our school wasn't using any of them, so its not like they were trying to eak (sp?) out their funded allocation.

Thanks Moosemama I will have a search round now! :)

Have talked all this over with DH who agreed something more needs to be put in motion while all this pussyfooting is happening.

No one wishes the teachers a hard life. I KNOW how hard things can be with my DS which is why like most mums you learn to act quick and cool everything off if you are lucky lol :o

My DH had the suggestion that maybe because it is her first real class she has a pride problem and therefore determined to battle it out with DS to prove she can handle the situation without calling the parents. He said the same that no doubt she suffered big time but she also totally rearanged DS day and had him in a full class and left him alone KNOWING he cant cope and to top it all battled all day which only increases temperment in any frustrated child.

This is 3 separate occasions now that he has been left panicking the whole school day so that he gets to total unmanagable meltdown. And there is no excuse because we are both available at the drop of a hat should they need us. I have said to DS I am going to say to the HT/SENCO that I now intend to phone every hour on the hour to check after his welfare. If I find then that I get the "it was a terrible day" then sparks will fly!

Also its just not my DS that is suffering the rest of her class either SN or NT are having their education ruined for the day. She has got to be building insecurities in other kids along with doing irrepairable damage in my DS forming any friendships at all.

Anyhow off to hunt that number down :)

Ok only thing I found on our council was the Head of SEN,Disbilities & Inclusion..................so I will go for him lol. According to the write up he has 300 staff under him and a budjet responsibility of £36 million. So he can damn well dip in for a fiver for the bus lol :o

Good on you Coff33, go for the top guy if you can get him, that should make the school sit up and take notice.

I once went to the Chairman of a very large and well known insurance company, because we had been fobbed off and messed about so much waiting for a claim that my dh's business almost went bust. We had been waiting over 6 months, but after contacting him directly we had a full payout within 48hrs!

If you can't get him on the phone, try putting something in writing to him and address it Strictly Confidential, then you stand of him opening it himself rather than his secretary fielding it.

If you really can't get past his gatekeepers over the phone, at least someone in his department might be able to point you in the right direction.

Good luck.

If I cant get through to him or he answers a letter I will be getting the bus and camping outside his £36 million budget office! :o

Will post here and let you know how I get on :)

Good luck coff33 - hope things get sorted. I am in a similar situation. School just don't seem to know what to do although I am told they all have training and have had loads of children with the same problems go through the school .Ds is getting more and more stressed,getting into trouble and threatened with exclusion. The other day he said he wanted to run in front of a car or stab himself rather than go into school. I have written a letter complaining about the Senco who is downright rude and does not seem interested in helping us. Now called to meeting with HT but if nothing improves I will be contacting LA inclusion team too.

Awww nooo your poor DS bless his heart! :(

I hope its all sorted for him soon! They excluded my DS and said this is the first child we have ever had to exclude at 5 yrs old The reason was according to them he "attacked" his teacher.

This was at the very beginning of his term and he was in a full class then and couldnt hack it he didnt want to do PE. He didnt attack. I spoke to him and asked why he hurt his teacher. He just said well what I thought was if I tied her to the chair then she wouldnt catch me and I wouldnt have to do PE. (child logic :)0 Turned out he tried to WRAP the tape around her when she was sat in the chair.

The experience as far as DS was concerned was him going to bed and waking up crying saying his friends dont want him and his school doesnt want him anymore :(

Good luck with the interview with the HT! hope she is reasonable and listens to you :) I would just stick your ground and tell her your son needs help AND you think the SENCO also needs help so unless things improve in....(give them a time limit not long tho!) then you are going to start ringing around authorites youself for advice about the care he needs in school. They have had a warning then. I do hope they buck up for your DS poor boy.

Thanks coff33. We've had loads of meetings before but seems to be all talk and no action. HT not happy about letter so we will see.

HT not happy?......................NOPE no tears dropped from this end :o

I do know one thing and that was I was told if you write a complaint to the Board of Governors then that letter HAS to be passed round all of them :o. You could try that one too!

Had a meeting with HT/SENCO this morning. Well put it this way she "wasnt available" till Wed. Hmmm simple knock on door did the trick :o

After Fridays episode I was on a mission. Told her my DS is now being referred to a pead and she said great Was told by her that EP had been called and may come in tomorrow owing to fridays events. Also she is having a meeting with all the TAs and the Teacher as the Teacher now has issues about handling DS

FINALLY found out exactly what my son is on. Strange but once I mentiond GP I get told everything I had been asking well before this.

DS is on SA+ has an IEP. Insisted on a copy of the IEP so waiting for that. A behaviour specialist came a while ago but she has emailed him to come in again for early review. They are definately pushing for a statement for my DS.

Asked her if the BS is part of inclusion team...........wow did she falter! and then said sort of in that area and who mentioned inclusion to me? I said doc he went through all aspects of what should be happening to my DS under the circumstances and I held a straight face :o (it was a lie but what the hell if it gets results)

She stopped faffing around on my sons behaviour and said she will be doing everything to improve in her care of DS AMAZING.

I asked AGAIN that I am called when my DS runs for it and hides. Her answer was "we dont want DS to learn that if he does that he is going to get a TREAT of seeing you" I plainly told her it is not a "treat" I am at the moment the ONLY one that can bring my DS out of meltdown until proper proceedures are put in place. Asked her about why his routine was changed and why he was put in a whole class and then sent for time out into another full class which is not going to calm the situation as he is still in a crowded area and it would only take one child to speak to him and he would fly. She lied and said he wasnt he was 1 to 1. Funny I said then that a child came up and spoke to him in his class then according to home book?...........another silence. Asked why he was left all day to build up into a meltdown? Answer was noooooo it was just the morning he had a reasonable afternoon So I asked how come the teacher said it was such a terrible DAY?....silence.

She said it seems DS likes to be in charge of everyone and control what he is doing all day and of course he has to read and write and we have to insist on it as we cant let him control the school. (stupid woman) I told her she could try to let him be in control of his actual day? give him a list like I do that he ticks off so he knows what is coming next and DONT change his routine and KEEP him 1 to 1 which they know is all he can cope with. Also if he runs off dont march him back to finish what he is clearly stressing about but move on to the next on the list and perhaps go back to the previous lesson at a later stage in the day. Particularly when I have advised your staff that today is a not a good day for pushing him to far. Her answer was we are currently producing a visual timetable for him. I already mentioned to try this 5 weeks back and thought they had done it.

Was told that she could easily have excluded him from school on several occasions recently (personal attack when one is in a corner lol). To which I just replied if you listen to me and phone me there would be less chance of him needing exclusion and listen to me telling you what signs to look out for you just may jump on things quick yourselves to avoid meltdown in the first place.

Waiting for copy of IEP and to see if EP comes tomorrow and its outcome. I think I have stirred it up mentioning Inclusion team for now so think I will give it this week (then half term) and see what transpires on the first week of term before I start phoning around :)

Well done Coff33.

Personally, I wouldn't take the pressure off though - I've been caught out like that before.

I would still call around and ask for advice, then at least you have some contacts if things don't improve quickly. You might also find out a few interesting tidbits about what the school could/should have been doing up until this point.

You don't necessarily need to push the school again if you feel you need to back off slightly and give them space to respond, but you can still be gathering help and support in the background, iyswim.

Far better to go back after half term fully informed and holding a strong hand of cards, than relying on them to suddenly start doing things properly. Then if things don't shift, you are in a strong position to get things moving quickly.

Well done Coff33.

One of my standard phrases is I have been advised........ but I'm always very vague as to where
I find that the schools dread having a parent with knowledge because the bullshit doesn't work and they have to start acting.
You will do great and your son will get what he needs. You know what works don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

Thanks both! Well his home book wasnt much better really tonite. Even after I told them to not put him in classroom. They still did. Mistake one they put him in hall and he wouldnt sit on bench.......big hall equals charge around ds same as big playground he wont stand still. So he was told he needed time out and ran for it and hid under chairs with a pile of rocks {confused] Where these rocks are coming from god knows! but he was taken to time out by another teacher.

I have said to leave him where he lands and he will come out when he wants to face you.

He read book and did spellings. Then DS wouldnt leave the nursery when it was time for him to go. And when they took him back to his class he went and hid under the sand tray and so they moved the tray to speak to him.

he did play recorder 1 to 1 and that was fine and played with 1 friend in HT room supervised. Then he spent all afternoon refusing to put on his shoes and socks so had to stay with HT "doing nothing" according to her. Now you see if it was me I would just purely say have cold feet then and ignore it and carry on with the day. He would have put them on to go at end of day. Then he played in courtyard and TA read stories.

Its the big class environment that is issue. And to me if he is happy in the nursery learning through them then leave him there? He just might have settled to do something there and try some work. I think he knows its writing in the afternoon which he hates. HT did say he has been doing the story or phonics but the TA is writing everything for him.