Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Flip

Original poster

Really Worried about dd and don't know what to do :-(

20 replies

Blossomhill · 13/10/2005 09:47

Well just had dd's Iep meeting and the school have said that dd is harming herself. Things like scratching her face, legs and arms, pulling her hair, biting etc and having mini tantrums. Sometimes they know the triggers (once was that she didn't have a ruler) but other times they don't know why she is doing it.
The other thing is that she is also lashing out, scratching if anyone comes in her way while she is having these anxiety type tantrums.

Anyone else had this. What do I do. I just hate to think of her bottling everything up inside

Thanks xxx

OP posts:

KarenThirl · 13/10/2005 10:59

Sorry to hear this BH, it must be worrying for you. J often punches himself in the face or stomach if he makes a mistake - he can't stand not being perfect and punishes himself if he's not.

My concern about your dd would by why did they wait till the IEP meeting to tell you this? Surely that's an issue that should have been discussed from the first instance? I'd suggest they need to be more observant about what's initiating this behaviour and head it off at the pass before she becomes too distressed.

coppertop · 13/10/2005 11:07

BH I think the key must be to find the triggers for this behaviour and, as Karen says, try to head it off before it starts. Does dd do anything like this at home or is it at school only? It would really help if the staff could make a quick note of what was happening before each episode. Hopefully some kind of recognisable pattern will emerge.

wickedwitchmonica · 13/10/2005 11:16

Oh no BH this is a horrible thing to deal with, do you think this may be due to the recent transition into more mainstream time at school? DD used to pick her skin until it was bleeding, had scabs all up her arms, it is definitely during more anxious periods of school for her eg new teachers, classrooms, peer struggles, changes etc. Would she use a little stress ball at school? Dd used to keep one in her pocket, it reduced her kicking/pinching other kids too!
Have you tried a worry box/diary? she could write down/draw anxieties, put them in the box/diary then they are gone!!!,or get them out to discuss later when she is ready. Or perhaps tie the piece of paper with "the worry" written down on it to the string of a balloon, dd could then let go of the balloon and watch the worry float away!!! (only if it would work for us!)

P.s haven't forgotten that stuff will email you soon x

marne · 13/10/2005 11:36

How old is yor dd blossomhill? I self harmed at school also had this problem with dh's ds last year, he banged his head on a wall and pulled his hair out, once he got to high school it seemed to stop. Have you tried asking her why she does it?

rummum · 13/10/2005 14:45

Blossomhill... I really feel for you...
My daughter threw a real wobbler before she went back to school in Sept, I only asked her to try on her new school trousers and she went balistic... pulling out her hair, hitting her face, screaming saying that she wanted to kill herself, she hated herself.. It was all to do with going back to school...
She was due to see an OT, when the OT rang me I told her about this and she is arranging for daughter to see a behavoural specialist... (still waiting for an appointment as we speak!!)

Could you be asked to be refered?

your daughter sounds so unhappy inside, and I know how heartbreaking it is, not to be able to help her

let us know what works for you...

RumMum

SoBlue · 13/10/2005 15:03

My ds has lovely settled days then a run of bad one's usually in response to classroom changes. Even a new teacher popping in the class can do it. Maybe she needs a bit more 1-1 than she is getting at the moment. They can monitor her more closely and see whats sparking her off then.

MorticiaMerlot · 13/10/2005 15:57

Sorry BH, no useful info but just wanted to send you a hug

maddiemo · 13/10/2005 16:19

Do you think it is a stress build up and she is using it as a way to release tensions that she cannot verbalise.

I know the other day we were both saying how well our children were doing with their mainstream sessions but I am very aware of how silently tense it makes my ds. He will then explode over something quite small, had a note in bag today saying he was very distresed at lunch when due to staff shortages he did not know what to do next. It became a final straw situation, he could not explain or ask someone so just lost his cool.

I think in year 2 expectations are higher and it is very hard for the children to control themselves and keep on top of everything.

Ds relies heavily on visual timetables, does your dd have one at school?

Also perhaps when she is having a good phase they may not support her so much, I find this happens with ds sometimes.

Not much help, but lots of sympathy.

Lillypond · 13/10/2005 16:33

No advice Blossom. This must be so distressing for you and DD

Do you think it's connected to her spending more time in MS?

{{{hugs}}}

Original poster

Blossomhill · 13/10/2005 20:22

Thanks all. I am sure the change hasn't helped at all with the new teacher and everything.

Am definitely going to go with Monica's idea with the stress ball. Have emailed bibic as well to see if they can help.

I just hate the idea of her hurting herself and thinking about it Karen you are right they should have told me before!

Oh and one good thing is that the teacher said she is really going to push for OT as I really think dd would benefit from it!

OP posts:

Davros · 13/10/2005 20:26

Does she have a home/school book? It should have been mentioned and tracked in there. Hate to ask you, but have you thought any more about medication? It would really work for anxiety which is what this sounds like.
Hi BH BTW!

Original poster

Blossomhill · 13/10/2005 20:29

Hi Davros

Well am umming and ahhing about the meds as the school were not at all happy when I mentioned it to them. The thing is they don't have it 24/7! Waiting for dd's annual review with the developmental paed. to see what he says. Which should be in about 4 weeks time.

Oh and the teacher agreed when I said dd was complex. "she doesn't fit it any box does she?" said the teacher and I was like no! Makes it so much harder in some ways!

Nice to see you!

OP posts:

Original poster

Blossomhill · 13/10/2005 20:30

As for the home/school book I am lucky if it gets written in once a fortnight these days!

OP posts:

Davros · 13/10/2005 20:32

They SHOULD be writing in the home/school book daily (mind you, so should you!) and its none of the school's business if you decide, with your Paed, to try meds. I hate it when they give their opinion on things that are NOTHING to do with them. DS's school is supportive but its often the first thing they mention when there's problems. The other thing we did is, we only told the Head and the Class Teacher about the meds and none of the others to see if they saw a difference without knowing...... they did!

mizmiz · 13/10/2005 20:33

BH,sorry to hear about this.
How distressing for you.
Are you able to talk with her about it?
How does she react when encouraged to stop?

Is she the type of child who is fizzing with nervous energy? If so a very physical activity might help her burn off some tension.

mizmiz · 13/10/2005 20:35

BH,with the home/school book...in 'my' schools I've noticed the parents who write religiously each day are the ones that the teachers really take time over.
If you do this,you will set the pattern (also the staff loved to hear about what achild had been doing at home-helps conversational skills.)

Davros · 13/10/2005 20:39

I think you can use the home/school book to manipulate staff to a small degree.... in the nicest possible way! If you write something daily or regularly they are under pressure to do the same, especially if you ask questions. I also use it, as Mizmiz says, to tell them about his life outside of school and I think this makes them feel more positive about him and more interested plus they are always relaxed and responsive with me as they know about our home/family.

mizmiz · 13/10/2005 20:40

Very much agree with davros.
Do everything you can to show that you are on the ball (as you so obviously are).

Original poster

Blossomhill · 14/10/2005 13:06

Thanks again. Well Bibic have just emailed me back and am going to keep a behaviour diary and ask the school to do the same. Also have given me some sensory stuff to do to help her as she is obviously very stressed at the moment.

Please can someone point me in the direction of a stress ball. Thanks

OP posts:

Davros · 14/10/2005 19:34

Can you simplify what you ask them to complete? So its not just a big space for them to put anything (or nothing!). I'd suggest a few specific headings (scratching herself, tantrums etc) and then a smaller space for general comments.

Flip