Upset by DD qualifying for DLA - normal reaction?

[stripeybumpsmum]

Just asking for advice really.

DD (3) was diagnosed with cancer last year. A nasty kind but treatment is going well. That said, she will have to be in the minority to survive.

We are trying to make life as 'normal' as possible. We are v lucky: our employers have been good, very flexible. DH has mostly been at work, I work p/t - have had some time off and 'worked' from home. Financially though, all the extra expense is hurting. I am about to go on mat leave too so things will be VERY tight.

So why am I so upset about DD qualifying for DLA higher rate? Hospital social workers did all the paperwork, and when DWP said they'd need a medical report, I assumed we'd get nothing.

Seeing the criteria spelled out in the letter has made me so sad. I just want her to be better .

Tell me to pull myself together will you?

Hi - first of all I'm so sorry you are going through such a rough time.

Given what you are going through it is completely normal to feel sad when you receive the DLA; I know I cried when we first received it as I saw it as final confirmation that my child really was disabled and I couldn't do a thing to help her / change the diagnosis.

Take care x

another one here who cried when we got dla for dd3 the first time, I'd say a normal reaction. Sorry to hear about your dd x

pull yourself together please dont hessitate to come on here and have sob or moan you are bound to feel like this, and we would give you a big hug if you were here i cant say as that would be condesending that i know how you feel my DS is ASD that was bad enough so your doing well by the sound of it i think its just reading these things brings it all home really good luck and god bless

I am so sorry you and your family are going through such a tough time-of course you don't want her to qualify for this; you just want her well- try to think of the positive things you can do with the extra money for your dd and the family-and good luck to you all

Very normal reaction I think. I cried when my ds didn't get the dla, and I shall cry again if we are successful at reconsideration or appeal. If only the decision makers were able to truely understand what it means for us all to even be having to ask, I hope they would treat our children with a greater degree or respect.

I am glad you have been recognised by the dla, and I send you many big hugs and support, and a shoulder to cry on anytime you would like.

Thanks, I appreciate the replies.

I meant pull myself together because it is not like we don't need the money (and I know it is critical for families), it is, as you say, just seeing it in black and white. I got upset when she had to have a mobility pushchair so I guess this is just one more step along the road.

I might be needing theose shoulders to cry on...

Thanks

your very welcome hey if we cant be a sholder to cry on who can every little step makes a difference and like sparkle says it really hits home when you read this aloud and yes i felt the same sad, degraded almost just having to ask for whats actually their right, they all do have a way of making you feel dreadful for asking (cap in hand as in victorian times)and then you must be eternally grateful they noticed you exist sorry having bad morning too lol ranting a bit myself now (calm, breathe phew)

Hi there, so sorry to hear about your DD's dx. You are having a completely normal reaction. I went through it when we applied for DS. I sobbed for a week filling his form in as it made his disability real IYSWIM. We all have broad shoulders and you are welcome to cry on them whenever you need to

I think I remember your op, im sorry you have had such a crap time. It's normal to feel like that seeing it in black and white. How's she doing?

Hi stripey. I think everyone feels like crying when they're awarded benefits for their child's problems. And it's hard to talk about as the general public just don't understand the costs of disability or comprehend how to dislike being given money.

On a practical note, make sure that you don't forget carer's allowance. Maternity allowance/ SMP is worth more but only lasts the 9 months, if you then get carer's it will help for the remainder of your mat leave