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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

LEA and their antics

17 replies

Frustrated2003 · 04/02/2011 04:23

Hi Guys

Desperate for advice.

My ex husband who has parental responsibility also, has been approached by the SEN team and encouraged to meet with them to get him to agree that our son attend the local school.

My ex will only see his son once a month for 4 hours as he cant cope with any more than that as he is too difficult and he pays no maintanence. Doesnt read reports and previously declined to have any involvement with assessment.

No I am fighting for residential as ed psych and speech private therapists are of the view that this is what he needs.

Now my question I suppose is can they just accept his views and get him to agree to statement and the school they propose even though I have Daniel in my care and I am his primary care and if so does this mean I have no right of appeal.

Any advice greatly appreciated

Caroline

OP posts:

StarlightMcKenzie · 04/02/2011 08:01

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StarlightMcKenzie · 04/02/2011 08:02

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IndigoBell · 04/02/2011 09:02

I don't think they would be able to do anything on just his agreement.

However you might find the converse is also true - that they can't do anything on just your agreement.

I know my friend can't move her child to a diff school because her ex won't agree to it...

Hopefully an expert will be along soon....

baileyandtinks · 04/02/2011 09:13

is it me or does it look like they have dont this on purpose knowing he may agree to things you dont , they cant do things without your say so too no but it will make thinga harder surely , how unfair when he spends so little time with him how the heck will he know whats best, so i guess you have to stand your ground an blatantly refuse, is can anyone talk to yr ex for you if you cant?i dont know how it stands with rights to an appeal if both parents differ but id contact someone like PP or snap or IPSEA about your rights , hope it works out ok how awful is that

twlight · 04/02/2011 10:58

No Bailey, my feelings exactly - why talk to him if you do 99% of the care - can you get him on your side ? Surely if he is struggling to cope for the 4 hours he might agree to residential as well ?

WetAugust · 04/02/2011 17:55

Star's right when she said

"Can he say simply that he is not his primary carer and they need to approach you. That he knows nothing of the details etc."

You should write to tehm pointing out that you are the primary carer and that they should be working in partnership with parents - not just father.

Would also make a formal complaint too

Original poster

Frustrated2003 · 04/02/2011 18:43

Hey guys,

Thanks for the support i spoke to the EX today and he has said he is objecting to residential because he beleives the Local Authority are doing everything they can for him. He thinks I just want rid of my son, oh how wrong is he, I have no choice but to let him go to let him grow as everything else so far has failed him.

I think Local Authority are trying to play us against each other, just doesnt help that he is being so unreasonable as well.

LEA have arranged a multi agency meeting at school with him and have not and are not inviting me apparantly, but I would assume that I am entitled to attend that meeting. Still such as life long fight ahead, now just gonna be harder.

Caroline

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donkeyderby · 04/02/2011 18:53

Wow, sounds really underhand all round.

Perhaps this is the point where you say, either he goes into residential schooling or your ex takes him on full time and you have him for four hours a month. Monstrous

shazian · 04/02/2011 19:02

hi caroline, what a cheeky toad your ex is! How dare he say you just want rid of your son, when he only sees him once a month because he cant cope. I would find out details of meeting from school and turn up, how can you not be invited when you are primary carer. A mans world right enough, think this is shocking. Hope you manage to get this sorted soon, as you obviously just want what is best for your ds. I would make a complaint it does seem they are asking him because they know he will go against what you say. I think he should have no say in it considering its you who's doing all the hard work and bringing you ds up on your own. this is obviously a very hard decision for you to make and local authority and ex seem to be making even more difficult for you. So sorry for your position, hope it all goes how you want it to.

StarlightMcKenzie · 04/02/2011 19:13

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Thecarrotcake · 04/02/2011 19:25

I'm no legal expert bu I do have an ex who has PR and we don't always agree.

Both of you have PR therefore you can both make decisions for your child independantly of each other.

In all honesty this sounds like a total mess and the lea are using it. If your ex has made a decision that you believe is not in the best interest of the child then you can and ought to try mediation first and if need be take the matter to the family courts... I think it is a specific steps order ( but not sure).

It doesn't have to cost a fortune, you can apply and represent yourself. You would be wise to be able to back up your position with proffesional evidence that what you want is in the best interest of the child.

Obviously you ex will be backing the lea but this should be insurmountable. With a good case.

Personal gripes need to be left out of it.. This is business.

Thecarrotcake · 04/02/2011 19:27

Shouldnt be insurrmountable *

WetAugust · 04/02/2011 22:20

The role of primary carer with parental rights will trump the views of the other parent who just has parental rights - unless he was willing to take on the role of primary carer.

I am [shocked] at this - a new milestone in the depths LA will go to.

If I was you I would have a letter in the post telling them that as your child's primary carer you have a right to be present at all discussions the LA may have regarding the future of your child.

As I said before - I would also be making a formal complaint.

Original poster

Frustrated2003 · 05/02/2011 10:55

I suppose I should mention that I think the reason that the Local Authority are going to such depths is because I work for a local authority albeit in a different role but still to legislation etc and I challenge them on everything.

My ex is I think using this as a power and control thing, but I am worried that if he puts his parental choice down on the statement that I will then lose my right of appeal via tribunal. Does anyone have thoughts on this.

Oh and I received the LA speech assessment this morning what a croc of crap that was severe speech and language delay disorder diagnosed but they would not be offering any therapy as feel is not a primary need at this stage. Flipping local Authorities drive me mad.

Caroline

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Agnesdipesto · 06/02/2011 15:21

We are all shocked by this tactic and be assured any right thinking tribunal will feel the same.

I am sure you would still have a right of appeal and your views would carry more weight.

I would definitely insist on attending the meeting and all correspondence being sent to both of you. Its one thing for the SEN officer to meet you and your ex separately - its different to hold a meeting of professionals unless they intend to hold one with you as well.

Can you get legal help (legal aid) to get advice to cover the bit up to tribunal?

Do you have a disabled childrens social worker who might be sympathetic to you? Do you get any respite which might be reduced (and save costs) if residential were offered? Sometimes social workers will support residential if they see the burden will otherwise fall on them

StarlightMcKenzie · 06/02/2011 20:10

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Original poster

Frustrated2003 · 06/02/2011 21:29

Hey guys!

I have spoken to a solicitor on friday night and she says i wont lose my right of appeal against LA, but that I would possibly have a family law matter on my hands. LEA are annoyed as I question everything and I think this move shows to me how worried they are that I will actually win at tribunal.

I have a children with Disabilities social worker, but I have just demanded a re-assessment as he states that no services are to be offered as I put my need to work before that of my son's and he would not have the level of need he does if I were to stay at home full time. So I challenged where is the research dictating that a child who is death and autistic, auditory processing dis-order and significant speecha and language disorder is because of parenting I am yet to receive a response.

I think the SEN Officer has taken a personal dislike to me because I don't just say yes. Drives me mad, anyway I am sure we will get there.

I just really appreciate the support here means a lot

Caroline

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