I think I'm going to be sent on a 'Parenting Course'..

[Hangingbellyofbabylon]

Having an on-going discussion with senco and paediatrician who do not believe that any of dd's behaviour issues are related to her CP and that she is just naughty. Yes, she is sometimes naughty but she also shows obsessional and defiant behaviour that is just not 'normal'.

our school senco asked for advice from a local special school that specialises in children with cerebral palsy. She was told that as dd does not have learning difficulties she cannot have any behavioural problems and so is just being 'naughty' and needs disciplining. The paediatrician also says she needs discipline and my parenting skills need improving.

I am so pissedo off as I know my child and I also know how common behvioural stuff is in children with CP, we can't all be shit parents! .

anyway, I've been asked to front up to the local clinic to collect forms for a course. I just know it's going to be a fecking parenting course and if I don't go they will forever be able to cite the fact that they did offer support but I turned it down.

anyone been on one of these courses? I feel like it's another hoop to jump through that I really don't need.

So sorry.

Yes you are right. If you don't go they will forever hold it against you. And you are right that it is not your parenting. Your child can have CP and any number of other issues....

It is not your parenting.

Hugs

thanks I'm cross but it's got me motivated as well. I have found a really good article in a book produced by Scope explaining all about behaviour stuff so I'm going to photocopy it and then go kick some SENCO ass

If you let us know which one it is, we can let you know if it's any good :)
Some are very helpful, others notes much!
Have you kept diary and video of dd behaviour? I find that works best with paed here

I found it really insulting when this was first suggested to me. Like you I knew I had to agree to attend one but fortunately by the time they found one that didn't clash with my childminding hours DD1 had a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome and they backed off.

I then had to go through a similar think when DD2 was referred to CAMHS for assessment for ASD. We had an appointment for me to discuss boundaries with her psychologist. Halfway through the appt she said that the were clearly no easy solutions for DD2 as, if there were, I would have found them. She ended by saying that she felt it must be difficult for me day to day because she found DD2 to be one of the hardest children she'd ever had to work with. I know it's childish but I really felt like sticking my tongue out as I left that day!

They do have to explore parenting as the first possible cause and to be fair they probably solve a fair few issues that way. You just need to accept that it's not personal, engage enthusiastically with the process and the place the ball firmly back in their court.

You never know you might learn something which makes your life easier anyway.

I thought DD was being bullied
I was told it was a 'home based problem' & I needed to do a parenting course

Coincidentally I was attending a course organised by Scope

I was discussing 'needing' to do a parenting course; the local children's centre manager (who paid for this course I was on) said 'where will you do it?'

I said 'anywhere' she said do it at the CC - I said OK when will it be? & she said whenever you can teach it I explained I needed to attend one

Once she had stopped laughing she told me to attend - for exactly the reasons you mentioned

Go, keep an open mind, & then ask for help again

thank you all, I'm going to swallow pride, knock the massive chip off my shoulder and go for it. It can't do any harm and it may be the next step to getting stuff sorted. Might have some ideas for my other dd's too

You may even find that you can say, yip, 'I do that', 'and that', 'and that'.......
xx

When dd was first diagnosed with her physical disability, I was massively offended by the suggestions of CAHMS and parenting support, because I felt (probably rightly) that this was an attempt to fob us off and play down her actual physical reality. Years later, I am back begging CAHMS for help because I realise we need their support precisely because of dd's physical problems. Not because I am an incompetent parents as parents go, just because parenting somebody with dd's problems is harder.

But it's partly about the spirit in which is it offered.

Thats great maryz!

I went on a sort of parenting thing years ago which was good for the networking with other parents/realising that others have things as bad or worse.

My pet hate at these things/conferences etc is that blasted "welcome to Holland" story.

no ones even ever suggested DS or myself see someone from CAF in fact no ones ever suggested anything in any area that might help is it just me or does what they suggest to you depend on where you live i only stumbled across PP and didnt even know till they told me i could have got the school to start the statement process years ago DS is 10 and ASD , nice there all so helpfull hey

I always point out that with DS1, it's not that I can't deal with his behaviour, it's just that there's such a lot of it.

What I would find useful is some team teach type training. My boys are no longer toddlers and I no longer have so much of a size and strength advantage over them, so physically moving them away from a stressful/triggering situation is often physically impossible, now.

I always take the opinion that i never refuse 'help' so a) they can't say i haven't been open to help and b) every so often the course/event will come up with a gem - that works, or you meet someone that you can soooo identify with that you end up having a good laugh - therapy in itself.
Yes its tempting to say - look at my other DS - do you honestly think i have raised them in 2 totally different ways? But life's too short to fight everyone. I save my strength for the big battles!

Sweetie - I am on a positive parenting thing atm (being run at kingsleigh early years centre) - I am really enjoying it and it is actually helping.

I will go on this one with you if you would like.

ok, so at the moment they have not mentioned the parenting course again but have given me a whole pile of forms to fill in for Conners scale, australian aspergers, socialisation etc. The weird thing is having started this thread I am actually thinking that a positive parenting course might be a good thing so I think I might investigate what's out there. Flame I'll talk to you about what you're doing, thanks

Hi I was in a similar position. Ds is now being assessed for autism (aspergers more likely) but it was suggested that I attend a PG.
I was deeply offended at first he's DS2 and I know the difference between naughty and a child who finds social situations torture. But I went, more so that they wouldn't be able to say I hadn't been willing to try everything. It was actually ok. I was the only one who went every week and to be honest most of the mums were as you would expect ( swear and shout at their kids/background of domestic violence etc.), but I did learn some coping strategies and although much was not relevant some was and I use it still.

Do go, it's only once a week and it can be very supportive. You'll also see that there are others in some truly awful situations. It was the clinical psych team that offered it so maybe they'll do the same in your area.

Good luck.

I fyou can get on one call "family links, the parenting puzzle" its a great one. having done it and run it I can truely recommend it

Second Lisa. Family Links are also developing a parenting course for autistic children - because they recognise they need different parenting skills/strategies than the average child.

Much like you I would have resented being told to go on a parenting course, however, having done the training to run parenting courses, I think I could have benefited from doing one when DS was younger; if only to be assured I wasn't doing things vastly wrong.

It might have help me deal better with 'the just smack him' brigade within the family. Glad I never followed their advice. Lots of DS's problematic behaviour was linked to his visual difficulties.

I would issue a word of caution though ask around for feedback from parents, courses are delivered prescriptively, but make sure the message parents have to take away isn't also prescriptive.

yep, did parenting course (specialised for asd/adhd), it was good in itself, great for meeting other parents and got a mention in the next clinic letter