Ooops made the TA cry

[asdx2]

Because I told her I wanted to photocopy her records of dd's support to use in rewritng her statement and questioned why they weren't dated. When asked about something dd had said she implied dd had got muddled I asked her if she was accusing dd of lying. Cue hysterics and her running off to the staff room. Is it just me or is this a total over reaction seeing as I have never questioned her before? Why would she feel so threatened? I wasn't bolshy although niggled about dd because I know dd was reporting factually, the echolalia never lies

I think it's an indication of how many of us get a crap service that we are expected to be grateful for. That we are expected to put up with immense stress without complaint and that we should always bow down to the "professionals" as they have an automatic entitlement to respect even though many times they have done fuck all to deserve it.
To read that a TA is buckling under no pressure really from the parent who she has done the disservice of failing to do as she should and implied that her dd is lying well it is without a doubt funny

^^I don't find it particularly funny.... I find it pathetic.
As you say, we spend years and years and are exhausted from trying to get our child's needs firstly identified and then met. By incompetents professionals who always give off an air of knowing more about your child and their condition than you do even though we live with it 24 hours a day.
I for one am sick to my back teeth of having to constantly professionalise myself, spend hours researching/reading, staying one step ahead of the game and, frankly, of the hollow feeling I live with knowing that, without me, my son wouldn't stand a chance.

did you see her this morning OP? Also loving this thread. Have been patronised to kingdom come over the years.

Ok, I do feel for you here OP and you are only trying to do the best for your child but I really feel I need to fight the TA's corner here a bit. As has been previously mentioned she may have been having a tough day/time at home etc which could've contributed to her emotional outburst, she may not.
She may be crumbling under the pressure she is under trying to her utmost for your dd. Chances are she is being paid sweet FA for doing her job and if her's is like any of the TA jobs I have had then she will only be getting paid for the hours she is supporting your daughter in a lesson, so effectively by asking for the comprehensive notes (I fully understand why you need these by the way) you may have increased her workload quite considerably and maybe she is having to complete this in her own time either at home or on her lunchbreak. If this is the case and notes are not being written up immediately then it can be difficult to remember exact dates and times, I'm sure you'll agree with this-nobody is superwoman.
I would urge you to discuss the matter with the SENCO rather than the TA and enquire whether adequate paid admin time is being provided to complete these tasks (this time should obviously be given as standard but truth is in most schools it just ISN'T) as going in all guns blazing is quite frankly going to make the TA resent the situation if she is completely over stretched.
I really sympathise with you and you sound amazing trying to do the best for dd but all the bad mouthing of 'the professionals' is a waste of time. You all need to work together on this especially where gathering evidence for her statement is concerned.
Good luck, I hope you have a happier school situation soon

The OP has not increased the TA's workload - the notes that she was asked to present were part of her job.

I realise this. It is part of every TA's job to do the same. What I am saying is that realistically when schools are overstretched, especially SEN there are sometimes simply not enough hours in the day to complete them at work. I mainly do mine at home, I am not exaggerating. This is because obviously the priority in school hours is supporting the children when they are in your care. Reporting and documenting is still part of this of course but if time is being taken away to do 15 mins of writing up then that is 15 mins not focussed on the child.
It makes me so frustrated as every TA I know works so many extra hours each week that they are never paid for. OP needs to clarify with the school whether allowances are made for the admin when the TA can focus on just that if she wants to get concise, reliable notes. It is only this sort of questioning that could actually get the system changed.

TinyDiamond Do you understand that there is no capacity for empathy with a TA who is a grown up and make her own decisions about where she works, what she does etc. when compared with a failing vulnerable child?

I don't think that parents should be grateful just because 'professionals' are doing the best they can within their circumstances.

Even hardworking, well-intentioned staff should be held to account and if they aren't making a difference something needs to radically change. This won't happen if parents simply give up on their children in sympathy of the TA.

But incidently, why should parents challenge the system and not TAs?

Why can't the TA go and complain to her boss about not having enough hours to do her admin. Why is it up to already exhausted parents to fight their battles too?

TinyDiamond I didn't ask the TA to provide me with anything extra, I asked her to provide me with the evidence that she had been doing what she was supposed to be doing. The reason she found it stressful was because she hadn't been doing what she should have been doing and so didn't have the evidence (a requirement of dd's statement)
Instead of holding her hands up apologising and making amends by sticking to what she is required to do she implied my dd was a liar
The stress was of her own making, if she can't do the job move over and let someone else who can.
It is resolved, she gratefully accepted my get out clause of not pressing a formal complaint on the proviso I get weekly dated evidence that she is doing what she should be doing.
Personally I don't think it should be my responsibility to strong arm her into meeting her job spec it should be the responsibility of the teacher, SENCO or HT but I will safeguard my dd above all else even the feelings of the TA.
To work successfully together there has to be effort on both sides, at the moment it's 99% me.The TA will now make more effort because she needs to provide me with weekly evidence and if that is beyond her or she can't stand the pressure then she needs to do something less demanding but not at my dd's expense.
I don't have much sympathy I'm afraid, she works 20 hours per week with my dd a tiny percentage of dd's waking hours.To tell me she is tired is a joke particularly as I have already mentioned she is aware that I haven't had a decent night's sleep in 16 years because of ds who also has autism.

Oh for got to add she does get one hour paid per week to do the admin for dd (in addition to the 20 hours) as written in her statement.

Well, well,well note in home/school book asking if I could pop in to look at and approve the resources the TA and teacher have gathered.
The visual supports to aid dd's organisation are done and laminated and up on the wall.A photo of what dd should aim to make her drawer look like ie get rid of the rubbish is laminated and up on the wall.
I think a lesson has been learned I don't care whether it's because they feel under duress or whether they genuinely have a desire to do their best by dd. It's getting done and that's what matters. Will still be keeping a very close eye though

well done. And thanks for updating us.

(We're all taking notes you know :) )

Great news .. Well done.

Have been reading this with interest. Is it the norm to ask your TA/LSA for a weekly update of what they've done with your dc?
My ds is having his LSA start soon and Senco has already said she hasn't planned what they're going to be doing yet . Should I be requesting regular updates?

In dd's statement it includes wording roughly that says school is to work in close partnership with me, and I am to be included in planning of strategies to meet dd's needs. The TA gets an hour per week to prepare resources do the admin and to have a weekly meet with me to discuss progress, planning and strategies.
It isn't typical it's just I am a control freak who, after putting in place early intervention, is not willing to hand over the reins fully.I'm never sure whether the school see me as a PITA (quite likely ) or whether they appreciate my input because I know what makes dd tick and can suggest ways that work and quickly.

Thanks. Sm does say that a system of close liaison between us and school is to be established and maintained so I guess I can mention that and say I want regular updates. Nothing mentioned about admin time though.

No I got that bit added in as an extra as it would come out of dd's support time otherwise.

I've always assumed that close communication between home and school is essential. Otherwise, how can you get consistency? If I teach something in school, the parent needs to know how I did it so they can carry it over into homework. If the child comes into school and upset because mummy's being mean, I need to know what mummy is being mean about - and that is usually withdrawal of some privilege due to the child's behaviour. I don't want to be saying there there isn't mummy nasty when the child is being punished for painting the dog green. I need to be reinforcing that painting animals is cruel - bugger the hadwriting practice the class is scheduled to do!

This is probably why I'm not employed as a TA and the HT's favourite pupil's auntie is

It doesn't always follow though purple. Some schools prefer to keep things a closely guarded secret IME just in case you might question their methods. For dd though it is essential not for the academics really because she's more than ok there but for things such as yesterday. She came home anxious about the food topic she is doing in class. Dd has a typically autistic diet beige bland and dry, she knows herself that she doesn't eat what her friends eat and food is a source of anxiety for her. Hearing mention that they will be keeping a food diary and discussing them was more than she could cope with. So a note to TA and teacher informing them of her anxiety, explaining that food needs to be kept low key and no comment made about what she eats on the advice of the paediatrician should head off a downturn in dd's eating again. The teacher will only need to say keep a diary of your families' meals (dd and ds eat separately) which will ensure dd hands in a diary much like everybody else's and it keeps the personal aspect out of it.
I always find that the favoured TA's are the ones who toe the party line tbh. People like yourself who would put the child's needs first are probably seen as a liability.

asdx2, I'm probably better off out of it tbh.

If I ran a school, it'd be full of happy kids who could tie their own ties and shoe laces, budget for and cook for a family of four for a week, change a lightbulb and put up shelves, do martial arts in PE, and sew on buttons/mend rips in clothes. Times tables would be taught for 10 minutes a week, and handwriting would be based on legibility not what some cartoon book says, and geography would involve maps. Science would cover the best way to get your house and clothes clean; IT would be how to not get groomed on facebook; and RE would be replaced with "how to be a good friend and human being"

The government would shut me down in hours.

Purple - your vision sound lovely.

Fund and organise it and I'll run it

It's a shame you can't relax and let the school get on with it after all this time asdx2. When DD was in mainstream, I had to keep pushing at the school all the time, but she's in an independent ASD school now and I've been able to hand over the reins and step back a bit. It's cut my workload in half as a parent, we get daily reports but I'm not having to question everything that happens and teaching the school strategies and repeating the SEN COP at them.