son says he is sad and has no friends, what can school do?

[mrshess]

Hi looking for advice, my son was tested for autism but they said he didnt score highly enough. We strongly suspect aspergers.
Son is 4 and a bit and doesnt know how to play with other children he either shouts at them or he warns them off by making noises.
Teacher has admitted that he sees himself as an adult and follows teachers around talking to them.
He isnt scared of going up to other children if they have something he wants to play with but he plays by himself. Teachers are aware of his history but keep saying its his age and he will learn to play with other children rather than alongside eventually.

We have tried really hard with our son reading stories about friends and playing nice with others and sharing and i thin k he does want to play but he doesnt know what to do. His ideas of games are talking about his favourite interests at the minute which are fire alarms,extinguishers and grit bins and soldiers trenches.
This in itself worries me as i wouldnt have thought a child of 4 would have these interests but the school.

Anyway he has come home from school nursery 3 times saying no one will play with him and he is sad. I ask what he wanted to play and he said football but he gets mixed up and doesnt know what to do. I didnt know if he meant playing football (which is likely as he doesnt understand the game he just holds and throws the ball, he just doesnt seem to understand kicking the ball into the net) or whether he meant playing with the other children.
I had a word with the teacher who said she will keep an eye on him and i asked her to try and explain what games are being played so he can join in if this is his problem.

anyway he has come home again saying no one will play with him and he gets mixed up and wouldnt elaborate.

So i dont know what to do now, what more can i ask the teacher to do as its obviously bothering my son as he has brought it up several times

Certainly sounds like Aspergers :(

Teacher can do lots.

She can arrange a buddy to play with him
She can discuss things in SEAL or circle time
She can assign a dinner lady to keep an eye on him and help him
She can get him to invite someone to play a special game somewhere quieter
She can get a dinner lady to start a game which he is included in......

She can give him social skills training.

Is he on the SEN register? He should be, and he should have an IEP which addresses his social skills....

No he isnt on sen list as the school keep dismissing all his problems as his age and that he is not following the teachers around as much but this to me just says he s learnt to be quiet.
He is only 4 but i see other kids saying hi to other children and talking when we are lining up to go in and my son justs doesnt know how to interact.
When i did talk to the teacher she said a lot of children didnt have anyone to play with and again said its their age but i can just spot other children and my son stands out and i cant understand why they cant see what i see with his odd obsessions.
So is he too young to have friends and play with children?

Thank you for the suggestions listed above, does anyone know whether i can insist on him having an IEP

Have you spoken to the SENCO as yet?.

Many teachers actually know next to nothing about the autistic spectrum; SEN is not readily taught at teacher training college.

If this school still dismisses his additional needs then I'd actually be looking at him attending another school.
He should be on their SEN register as a matter of course.

Hi autumnsmum here my son has hfa and the teacher said he has no friends they are going to try and get an lsa to involve him in some games with other children, and teach him some social skills

mrshess, he doesn't need a diagnosis to have an IEP and social skills help. You may need to be very explicit: 'I went to the GP, we're going to see a paediatrician about possible Asperger's, a type of autism'.

You then say that he needs specific and targetted practice because his social skills are x years/months behind an average peer (pick a number at random if need be, your guess is as good as their's). If they suggest Indigo-type strategies, let them get on with it. If not, explain exactly how you help him to play when in the park / at his old playgroups/ at birthday parties or friends' houses. School writes it down.. hey presto, one IEP.

Oh and throw the but he's only 4 comment back at them. 'The doctors were very concerned about autism from age x, his test scores were borderline but of course it can't be ruled out at such a young age'

Look at early years foundation stage info here this is what the teachers should be scoring him on. I would think going through the exercise of scoring it yourself and asking the school to share their assessment would flag up some areas where you can agree he is behind / atypical. That could lead on to a discussion about intervention eg 1:1 support, social skills groups (often led by speech therapists) etc

Hi, just read this. My DS is 10 and has Asphergers. Your son really does remind me of him - when he started school he had no idea how to play with kids and it was so sad to see him in the playground. The teachers said he was young and would learn but unfortunately they did not know what they were talking about. I finally got DS diagnosed at 7 and he started having social skills sessions at school. The good news is that they have made an incredible difference and taught him how to interact more normally with other kids. He now has several good friends and is very happy at school. Please be pushy and get him diagnosed asap. Once you have the diagnosis you can get extra help. Its a long road but I can't believe how much ds has improved with the correct help.